Sunday, May 4, 2008

Tranny Tricks on my Tranny Scooter



So, I just got back from a weekend down the cape with Seriously Bent. I don't really know where to start, but when I mentioned that earlier, Corey said, "The beginning." So I will.

It started with a car ride with Nick W. and Nick M. and Nick W's grandmother driving us to the Cape, while the rest of the gang went in Kelly's jeep. We all got there around like 5ish and met at Mashpee High so we could rehearse for our show later that night (2 am). We all ran in like an ADD camp and jumped on the stage, played with the microphones, piano, drum set, and we danced around until Trevor said, "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MICROPHONE BEFORE? CAN YOU GUYS BE QUIET!" So we did.

We went back to our personal unit of condos at the Sea Mist! We had three condos to ourselves, and it was fucking wonderful. Unit #1 was Trevor and Kaitlin w/ Jules riding side car (LITERALLY), Unit #2 was Nick M. and I (ma and pa) and Kelly, Unit #3 was Corey, Nick W. and Bryan. As soon as we got settled, I took my pants off and cuddled with Nick Mandella on the couch as we watched Will & Grace, basically living out the show.

Then the family went to dinner at "the nines" as Julia called it, but to all you normal people it's the 99 (restaurant HAS 99 REASONS YOU'LL ALWAYS COME BACK FOR MORE. 99!) We had a group of 9, so we called ahead, then went and picked up the weekend necessities (enough for about 23 people...) and then had dinner. We wolfed down popcorn, cheese and crackers, toasted raviolis, soups, ribs, steak, chicken wraps, etc etc etc.

Then we had our show at 2am, and it was the most hilarious thing just watching everyone say hi to Trevor and see how popular he is in his hometown. Everybody loves him! But everybody didn't particularly love us. I mean, it was 2am, these kids were stuck at their high school unable to get drunk and were stuck watching an improv troupe... I would have loved it, but not these people. I mean, it really wasn't that bad! We had a great show! But, a lot of stuff went over their heads... like GLBT references and such.

After that was madness. We started partying at 3:30 am, and went crazy. We made margaritas.. we had pixie fun... we drank other things, and man, I just don't know. There was NO concept of time whatsoever, it was as though time had frozen and it was just us in this separate world from everybody else. It was amazing. I don't remember a lot of the night, and I probably shouldn't document it anyway, but I do remember scissoring with Julia and trying to get people's attention, and nobody cared. So we just had a conversation as we scissored. I remember running to the pool at 7:45am with Nick Mandella, thinking everyone was there, and then we got in the hot tub and then swam laps in the pool (drunk). Then ran back to the condo through the woods (in our underwear and a wet white t-shirt) to get Jules and Kelly, and then we swam some more. Then I passed out, but apparently took a shower cause I woke up with curly hair that smelled like my shampoo and I had soapy skin.

Regardless, I woke up at 2pm not in a very good state. My husband took some care of me, making me some flat coke and staying by my side, but it didn't do much as I spent most of the day moaning, lying down and throwing up basically everything I've drank in my life.

Saturday we had a BBQ at Trevor's house and it was SO funny. His family is great, and his house is so comfy and homey, and the food was great, and the talking was great. Everything was wonderful. Particularly Trevor's dad saying, "I thought Trevor was gay. His mom and I would say 'He's gotta be gay'" and us agreeing.

Last night was another ridiculous night, but not for me cause I couldn't handle it again. So I was a bystander, and the driver to get snacks. The best part of the night (for me) was watching Nick Wilson lying on the couch with three bags of chip surrounding him and a thing of cheese dip on his stomach. He looked like a 600lb man who couldn't get out of bed and just ate all day. Except he's like 60 lbs instead of 600. Another favorite part was Nick Wilson talking about the drink Nick Mandella made, "This has the consistency of diarrhea! But it tastes like rainbows... and angel tears!"

So now I'm back. And it's funny and ridiculous how much I love these people. So so so so so damn much.

But, here is a list of what we think our autobiographies would be titled:

Nick Mandella - "A Day in the Life"
Julia Gustafson - "Sometimes You Just Can't Get It" or "I Made Them Do It"
Kelly Dooley - "I Clean When I'm Drunk" or "Follow the trail of honey mustard and you'll find Kelly Dooley's Struggles"
Patty Barrett - "The Quest for the Next Orgasm" (Corey) or "Julia Made Me Do It" (Me) or "Something To Blog About" or as Nick just said, "Pelvic Thrust: Patty Barrett"

And, finally, these are Trevor's baby hands.

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