Friday, June 13, 2008

Performance Anxiety

The other day when I went to the bar, I told the bartender I had a show to go to (so I only wanted a shot... hmm... ) and he goes, "Oh wow! You nervous?" and I said no - because I wasn't. I used to be so nervous before shows. I remember the day of my grad show 2 years ago (TWO FUCKING YEARS!?), I was like "I need to keep myself busy all day or I'll go crazy insane with nerves." so I went to the Museum of Science to see the human body exhibit - which was creepy and interesting.

Irregardless - after doing so many shows within the past few weeks, between house teams, Slow Clap and Seriously Bent - I've noticed a weird shift in myself. I mean, performing regularly takes away the nerves and the build-up of a show, but I still got nervous for shows all year, like our final Seriously Bent show in April, I was insane. But, I'm not scared anymore because I know I'm not doing it alone - I'm with a group of people I (generally) trust to not fuck me over in a scene (generally).

That being said, last night my house team and I (Rules for a Reason, the previous name) performed at Improv Boston and opened up for Bastards, Inc. and I was really nervous. I don't know why. I think it's because I think they're really good and I respect them as improvisers (those who I have seen) so I knew what kind of show we were a part of and that it was actually a good one, so we had to be good. (Which, I don't think we were all that great... but I'm not going to sit here and reflect on bad performances) but I was thrown off by my nerves. It was strange, and sort of nice, because it made me feel like more of a real person (I've been doubting my real person-ness lately) and proved that I care about this whole improv thing, it's not just a hobby and I'm not cocky, or all whatever about it... I'm still learning everyday and taking any opportunity I can to learn more. (from Ryan Petti, because holy fuck is he funny!)

So I took that good improv attitude to my Seriously Bent show last night where we performed in front of incoming freshman and the orientation leader friends, and I think we had a pretty great show. I was sort of in a bad mood for various reasons, but I took myself out of it and just focused on the show... and this is all really boring, I'm sure, but it was a good show, and I really love improv, and this is MY blog about MY life and improv is part of MY life, so fucking deal with it. GOD.

Now I'm going to New York for the weekend, where I'm going to see a play and go to a museum, a true cultural NYC experience.

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