Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Vanilla Evan.


I'm going to make this post about Evan Kaufman, because his 21st birthday's coming up and he's one of my best friends. What else to give him then a post about him? I'm sure he'd actually appreciate it. Or he'll read it and go "All right, that's enough."


I just tried to YouTube Evan, and I got incredibly angry because it said "No videos found for Evan Kaufmanb" I didn't understand. I shouted "DON'T LIE TO ME YOUTUBE! I KNOW HE HAS VIDEOS ON THERE!!" And then I saw the "b" I accidentally slipped at the end of his Jew-y last name.


Evan is one of my favorite people in the world for many reasons. Partly because he puts up with me. I will tell him the lamest stories in the world, and he'll listen to me. I will show him my atomic turtle tattoo and he will think it's cool. I will talk forever about Wall-E and how cute he is and he'll just say "WALLLL-EEEEEEEEEEEEE" over and over. He will always do our gay handshake when I initiate it. He will say something creepy and high five me and I will say, "Evan, no!" Often our conversations go a little like:

Me: EVAN (yelling)
Evan: Yeah, Pooty?
Me: I don't know.... EVAN
Evan: Yeah?
Me: EVAN
Evan: Yeah?
Me: Hi.
Evan: Hi!

He never says, "WHAT??" He has patience. Patience I don't have. He also has talent... talent I don't have. Well, we're both great. What? We make each other laugh.. and we're HORRIBLE personnel directors. Well, that's not true, he was. I did all the work... he was there to make me laugh.


He and I used to be a managing team. We were the only managers and we were also the bosses. It's funny to think of those days. We created the position, and then we were miserable in it. We were just college students... and we got in over our heads. So he ditched me... and I wasn't angry, I was just sad I wouldn't see him as much. Evan's horrible at keeping in touch. And then he just switched over to a different part of the company, he became tech for the shows, and now I get to see Evan more often than I did before, which makes me happy.


He loves bike riding. Last year, he brought his bike up from CT and he rode it all over the city, he would fly down the street yelling "TRICK TRICKS!" and then his bike got stolen. Then his parents bought him another one... and he would fly all over the city yelling "TRICK TRICKS!" and then his bike got stolen again. Now he has a bike again, but hopefully he will not let it out of his sight.


Last year we lived about 1 minute from each other. We would walk home from work together and we would stop at the mid-way point (the ATM on Prince Street) and talk... and eventually we'd realize we'd been at the ATM talking for like 2 hours and we would just bitch and moan and talk about our future at Improv Asylum and how I'd be in magazines one day and Evan would hate his life in LA. He would say that, I'm not kidding. He wasn't either. But he'll do great things. Which is good, because I will ride his coat tails!


I wish he was less self-deprecating. I wish he felt less guilty all the time. He's a lucky guy! He's got a wonderful family who supports him wholeheartedly. He's got a great girlfriend. A great education. A great job. He's talented and LOVED by everyone. He reads books!

So here's a 21st birthday post for Evan Kaufman!

2 comments:

becky said...

trick tricks!

Nick said...

I honestly did not mean for my post about NYC to follow this post's format. yay evan! yay birthday!

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