Friday, August 22, 2008

Jim.


There's a lot of things I miss about Jim, my second dad, but mainly its his bluntness. He is the strangest man alive... but the funniest guy I'll ever know. He's like my dad... a very creepy one who comments on my boobs and constantly says "YOU LOOK HOT" but then says, "Are you having sex?? YOU'RE TOO YOUNG FOR THAT"


He's from New York, and he's a hardcore New Yorker - he lives and breathes it. Drives there all the time. Did coke on the Brooklyn Bridge (but gave it up when it all blew away one day...) but he currently lives in Quincy, and he loves his wife. And their new baby! And his job at the Boston Globe.


Funny things about Jim... he's ALWAYS replying ALL to emails. He'll say stuff about someone in a reply ALL... he'll talk shit, say mean things... call people crazy.. etc. and they'll be right there reading it.


He doesn't remember names. Kim, who used to work at IA, was referred to as "Harry Potter" for as long as he knew her. And then about a week before she left, he said, "What's your name?" to her (and she had been there a good year) and she was offended and he goes, "WELL I DON'T KNOW! I ALWAYS CALL YOU HARRY POTTER." And he calls Evan X "Gatsby". Also, we have this little aquarium light with about 4 plastic fish in them. He loves to put it on the bar and light it up. He named the fish "Chet" "Norm" "Stacey" and "Baby Ryan". About a week later he goes, "These are my fish! I named them last week! What did I name them Patty??" YOU NAMED THEM AFTER THE OWNERS OF THE COMPANY AND YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THEM!


His favorite sayings are "nice boy" and "OH MY GOD" yelled at loud volumes, i.e. "Evan's a nice boy... do you wanna do him? OH MY GOD, you wanna do him, don't you?! YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO DO ANYBODY. Well you should, he's a nice boy."


He's also been known to yell "HOW'S YA CAHK?" and "HOW'S YA MUFF??" at loud volumes during his shift - as well as turning on his walkie and pouring water out so it sounds like he's peeing.


Oh... this is all making me sad... I miss him so much. We've got into screaming fights and snippy comments, and even though it's weird to get a call while you're at the mall and hear.... "WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?? ARE YOU AND STEVE HAVING SEX?? IF YOU ARE, YOU TELL HIM TO WEAR A CONDOM OR PULL OUT!" and then get hung up on... it's all right with me. Because he's Jim G.

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