Monday, October 20, 2008

A Friendly Conversation with Evan Kaufman

One of the reasons Evan is so great is because I can do cock math with him and he isn't offended, creeped out, or ashamed.

Patty (that's me): Evan, what's your shoe size? I'm not buying you shoes.
Evan: uh... 11 I think. Maybe 10 and 1/2, y?
Patty: I'm just doing math.
Evan: what kind of math?
Patty: Cool math.
Evan: seriously, what the f are you talking about? is it cock math? IT BETTER NOT BE COCK MATH.
Evan: how's work?
Patty: Oh, y'know.. eating jello, watching "True Life: I'm A Compulsive Shopper".... and doing cock math with my friend.
Evan: Who's your friend? Why are you doing cock math?
Patty: Because he has a formula.
Evan: Could you share it with me? I want to know how big my cock is so I can tell my cock and he can be proud! or ashaaameddddd...
Patty: okay, well the formula is you divide your shoe size by 2 and then add 2
so, 11 / 2 = 6.5 and you add 2 so 8.5
Evan: hmmmm, think that may be a little off, but for the sake of my reputation at your work place, lets go with it. you may tell everyone you know that I have an 8.5 cock.

Evan Kaufman, everybody.

Don't you all miss him?

If you'd like to pass on messages to Evan Kaufman please let me know. Do not contact him yourself. He's too busy being self-deprecating and Jewish.


Patty Barrett said...

Yeah... 11 divided by 2 equals 5.5. Not 6.5. I'm bad at math.

Unknown said...

I love Evan. He is my son, so it's a little creepy that I just read this post that was centered around referenceing his privates, but whatevs.


becky said...

i'm sure evan is also trying to finding a way to make his wardrobe something prince would be proud of.


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