Monday, December 22, 2008

And That's Why You Always Wear Pants

I think in the past year I've become a better woman. I graduated college. I have become a better improviser. A better worker. A more responsible human being. Eh, well, maybe not that one so much. But - I've learned my abilities and my... disabilities?

Like, I'm great at making friends. For some reason, I just know how to gauge who likes me and who doesn't. Who I can warm up to, who will eventually warm up to me, etc etc. When I'm "the new girl" then I don't try to become friends with people. I just worm my way into their lives slowly but surely with sarcasm, wit, a little brown nosing, maybe, and bitchiness.

The hardest person to deal with when you're a new person in a new company would have to be Jeremy. He might not like me saying that. But, well it's true. People want him to like them, and he's nice and cordial - but not a very warm person. Sorry Jeremy. But last night he said to me, "I don't remember ever not liking you." Which I took as a tremendous compliment. He never disliked me! And well, one day I said something bitchy and he then told me, "I heard you say something bitchy once and I was like 'That one, I like her.'" And the next thing you know we're the best of friends googling mole people in the tech booth. So - that is a good example of how i'm AWESOME at making friends. Even the hardest friends to make.

But I'm NOT good at flirting. Or being subtle. Or knowing what the right thing to say at the right time is. Which, is probably why I'm single... but I have about 30,000 close friends. I'm full of sexual jokes, and I have to realize that I am a LADY and not a teenage boy. I'm just so used to being a female improviser with a group of men. Although, I'll admit, sometimes I'm worse than they are.

There's one crush, the bartender, who I'm just the worst with. I am like SHAMELESS. Although, I'm only that way because he is that way. I said, "I love karaoke" and he goes, "Then I could use you for Guitar Hero. If my roommates weren't home right now we'd go there and do it. Then we'd play Guitar Hero." or, "I fill your martini glass so high so you can't pick it up and have to bend over to drink it." thus giving him a boob shot. And several other occasions... so no wonder I act like a complete idiot. The guy gets me drunk and sexually frustrated.

The other guy, I just can't talk to. Like, words don't come out. I completely lose my funny around him. In fact the other day I got a funny email from him and I didn't even know how to respond. I had to ask Roberto what to write back because I couldn't think of anything funny. And everything I say to him, is just WEIRD. Often sexual (today I said the most awkward and weird thing in return to a sexual joke HE initially made). It's just bad. I just lose it. I need to stop acting like a crazy sexual prowler full of wit and more like a dumb, idiotic LADY!

So, that's what I'm thinking about today. That and the fact that sheer tights are NOT winter friendly. I need to start wearing pants.

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