Come On A My House-Team

So I started doing House Teams at Improv Asylum again (Wednesday nights, 10pm!) and it's been a pretty fun run so far. Some of the old favorites are back, and some good newbies too! My team consists of some hot stuff, last week we called ourselves, "Us 5 and Stephen Donovan" and tonight we were called "Rules for a Reason". Everytime Jeremy is our director, we do some new experimental structure which is this artsy montage of scenes. Tonight involved belts. It was very fun. I feel really good about it.

I was also picked for the lottery and I got to play with Mike, Alison and Jeremy (and Dave Boz, Danny, and one other house team person.) I laughed throughout most of it, and did some strange scenes. I forget why I brought this up, I know I had a reason... there was something smart and funny inside of this, but I lost it, so I'll give up.

Anyways, I love doing improv. It's really fun. I have a job interview on Friday. I'm going to the cape for the weekend with Seriously Bent. And my birthday's in 3 weeks. Huzzah!

Also, I picked up my cap and gown this week, and it was a little sad that I didn't feel very sad. Like, I'm not sad about graduating at all. I feel happy - like I can finally start my damn life. But, I mean, I'm not going to see a lot of people ever again and that makes me sad. . . and I'm certainly going to miss them all. I'll see Seriously Bent all the time, so I'm not worried about that. But not being on the group will be sad, and is sad, so . . . now I'm sad about graduating. Eh, not really.

It's tiwed in here.

That's So Raven

I went to a school dance the other night. Nick and I dominated the dance floor with our sexy moves. And I knew the DJ so people thought I was pretty cool (when they weren't hating him because he wasn't playing the song they requested.) I also came up with my new pick up line... it's straight forward and to the point: "Hey, put it in me." Christina and Clara were fans.

But this picture takes the cake for the A) the best picture ever taken and B) the funniest moment of the night. Nick and I are a jazz dancing duo in our secret lives.

How'd You Get To Be So Sweet?

I went to see Baby Mama last night, and the reasons why I love Tina Fey have all been confirmed. She's just so funny and every one of her characters are great, despite the fact they're basically the same. She always plays the straight character, the one who has it all together, but eventually you realize she doesn't. Even her small role in Mean Girls was like that. But I don't care! Her and I are so alike, we're like soul mates. She's my hero.

Speaking of heroes, this morning I woke up in a bed that was not mine. (That didn't connect... ) I woke up relatively early and couldn't fall back asleep, so I hypnotized myself with the ceiling fan and just thought about things for too long. I recollected about the night, which I decided was very fun all together, minus a few points here and there. I thought about MTV VJ's and what happened to them, and what happened to MTV in general. I thought about myself and my life, and there's this communication theory (i know, gross) that says you are who your friends think you are. The way you act, speak, dress, and behave is the way your friends want you to. And I don't mean like, if your friends are all smokers and they want you to be a smoker, you'll be a smoker (unless, of course, your friend is Julia.) It's more like, if your friends think you're great, then you think you're great. If your friend is mad at you and thinks you're scum, then you think you're scum.

I think I have a pretty great set of peeps, yo. The people in my life are some of the funniest, most supportive, enjoyable people to be around. Is that just because they love me? Probably. I like the fact that some of my friends want me to check in with them when I go places, or get home at night because they're worried about me. I mean, sure, I shouldn't be driving when I've had a few drinks and obviously they want me alive rather than dead, but the two instances where networks of people had been called and search parties were on the prowl - those things make me feel like I could never really get hurt because there's too many people to stop that from happening.

This is all far too emotional isn't it? I'm not crying here, so it's not that bad. It's pretty mushy and gross, but it's true. There are just some people in my life that make me feel so valuable and worth it. I've always had a supportive family, but I always brush it off because they HAVE to say nice things to me (don't say "that's not true" Betsy! It's not like you would ever seriously tell me I looked bad or I'm not funny.) And I mean, that's what it comes down to right? Finding a group of friends who give you their full attention and think about YOU every hour of every day??

In general, I think I'm great. I think my friends are great. And I don't care who doesn't think I'm great, or that my friends are great. And even though I have some friends who make me feel worthless, then they are too!

And to end this, I would just like to say my mouth sort of tastes like a Midori Sour... and that's not even the last thing I had to drink. Gross.

Torn.

It's really nice out today. This entire week has been beautiful. But I have a ton of homework to do. This whole semester has been an argument of "I don't care, I'm graduating!" and then regretting saying that, or doing whatever I did when I said that. Like, instead of studying, I would go out drinking with friends. Or not even drinking, just hang out. Or even spend hours on Facebook or Gmail. Or I would skip class to eat lunch (or smoke and drink). Who am I?

It's not like I'm not getting the work done, because I am. I'm still a relatively straight A student, and this IS my last semester, so what is one bad grade going to do? And I'm not getting any bad grades. As far as I know, I'm getting A's in all of my classes this semester. Yeah, I want to shoot myself for saying that too. I am not Nick Wilson.

Anyway, I'm done this week. Like, this time next week I will be DONE. I will be out of school, the only thing left for me is waiting until graduation on May 18th (which is also my birthday) and then I am no longer a student. I need to find a job though, but for some reason I am being really laid back about it. I'm not freaking out about what I'm going to do, and I don't even necessarily have a plan. I have a way of making money through the end of June, but other than that, who the F knows. I mean, I should be worried because I plan on moving out, paying rent, paying for things... but, I'll deal with that when the time comes. Uh oh.

Travis.

Right now I am sitting in the Seriously Bent office, which we share the Suffolk sorority, the Step Team, and the "College Investment Association" (which Trevor just whispered "THE CIA...")

It's the last day of classes and Trevor is writing one of his final articles for his Opinion Journalism class. I was going to write it for him, but I write exceptionally well and he does not. Actually, he's a better writer than you'd think. He's funny and entertaining, I could see him working for a paper or magazine doing reviews or something... but first he has to find out the difference between "you're" and "your"

Anyways, I was trying to write for him and he kept throwing out all these opinions and things he wanted to say, and I was all like "FINE! YOU WRITE IT!"

Here's what he's got so far: "Hillary Clinton should think about changing her campaign song to Annie Lennox's 'Walking on Broken Glass'"

Travis is great, idn't he?

What's In My Drawer?

"Hey Patty!" the kids ask, "What's in your top drawer?"

Well kids, as I've never been one to hold back about my most secret posessions. I will share with you what is in my top drawer!

• Bobby pins. Why bobby? I don't know. Why can't they be called Kevin pins?
• Market Basket brand dental floss (one of the three I have on my desk)
  
• Scissors that are left-handed and bad
• Gallagher's Steak House matches... we didn't even eat there, we just stole the match books
• an "NYC CONDOM" - don't know what's so special about an NYC one, but maybe it protects against babies, std's, and getting shot in the head
  
• Multi-colored sharpies. I bought a pack of 26 one time. I have NO idea why.
  
• A blue stapler I stole from my parents.
• An index card with a line-up for a Slow Clap show written on it. Apparently we did Quick Scene Opener, Ding (Say it Again), 4-Pack, Serious Scene, Replay and Montage. Fun!
  

What's that lady with red hair? It's not me. My entire wooden desk was painted red and modpodged over with magazine ads and clippings. That particular lady was found in a Pantene Pro-V ad for Red Expressions shampoo. I liked her red curly hair.

Thanks for tuning in!

That was a pointless post. Part of my charm. That and getting drunk to solve all problems. And constantly speaking in annoying bits. And gossiping.

Anxiety Attack

So today I'm pretty sure I had an anxiety attack today. Or it was just way too hot. Either way, some fucked up shit went down.

I was at Suffolk and I was walking around aimlessly, and I was like "I'll go to the Asylum" and then I did, and then I walked back towards Suffolk and I was like, "I have a lot of work to get done. But I don't have the time to do it. What am I doing walking? I have a paper to write. I have a presentation tonight. I have a quiz tonight. I won't get home tonight until midnight... how am I going to get home? How am I going to write two papers and take two finals?" And then I stopped breathing. I couldn't catch my breath. My body tensed up and I couldn't walk anymore. So I just froze there on the street for a minute, regained my breath and waited until I was unfrozen, then walked back to Suffolk in tears cause I didn't know what really happened.

I wrote my paper. I (kinda) studied for my test. I kicked ass in my presentation. I eventually ate a sandwich. I drank a lot of water. I took three Excedrin. I had fun performing for 10 minutes in a show. I had fun performing with House Teams again in a later show. But now I'm on my death bed. Or at least just my regular bed. It's Conan time.

Auf Wiedersehn

Saturday was my last show with Seriously Bent. Well, sort of. I mean, we're supposed to be doing it again at the Asylum, and we have a show in Mashpee in two weeks. But, technically, it was the final show. For Julia too.

It was strange. The show was all I thought about all week. We put a lot of effort and time into it, and threw it all together last minute basically, but it was so worth it. Every doubt or concern I had was completely vanished after the first "tech" run at 6pm on Friday night. It was supposed to be our, "oh well, here we go..." show, but it actually came out fine. And we all knew what to do, and everything was just impeccable. And I say that because I'm biased and love everyone to death. So, of course I thought it was perfect! There was just so much creativity and awesomeness. Now I'm just sad that it's over. I wish we could do it again tonight!

On the last show, 8pm, the final long form turned into an Asylum-style last night show. Julia and I were pulled into every single scene, everyone brought up call backs from throughout the year (or years), and it was wonderful. I got to do a Tracy scene with Kelly, and Nick made fun of himself for not knowing what bas relief was as an Art History teacher, I got to do Nick and I's "First Date" sketch, and then Trevor busted out the goodbye's and had Bryan play "You'll Be In My Heart" for Julia and I. It was really cute and adorable. I love them all so much.

And Eric said everytime I mention him in my blog his heart expands, or something like that. So, just so you all know. Eric is hilarious. If you saw the show, the waiter in the Baby Cancer sketch... fucking killer.

Knowing I'm not going to have that next year is going to kill me. Nick Mandella said, "Knowing I won't see you guys in the wings is really hard." And it's so true... like, not laughing at each other and making fun. Oh well. They'll always be around (cause they're cockroaches) and I'll be in Boston, so it's not over. But, still, sad. Best thing I've ever done in my life (in more ways than one.) I mean what?

Oh my god...

I love catching up on my Thursday night TV on Saturday mornings (30 Rock and The Office) and seeing a Comfort Inn commercial with Alison in it two times. Her voice will never leave my side.

Saturday Morning TV

So, I watched America's Next Top Model this morning for a second. They separated the over-21 girls and the under-21 girls in two separate vans. The over-21 girls went to a fancy club where they drank and danced and had a fun time. The other van, under 21, went bowling. There was a record scratch and everyone started complaining about how bad they had it because they weren't 21 and they had to be bowling and not dancing at a club. Well, one, there ARE under-21 clubs, and really? That's a little stupid to basically say to young girls (the general demographic of that show) that you can't have a good time unless you're drinking. I mean, I drank when I wasn't 21... but, it's still stupid. The way they edited the show.. it looked so bad. Like they'd play fun, upbeat music when they showed the legal girls, and they played lower tempo music for the underage girls and they looked so upset. So dumb.

Then I watch The Hills...

Heidi "I will kill some bitches if she comes up here."
Audrina "That's how I am too!"

Great. Wonderful. Like, Heidi's crazy and Audrina's like, "Oh my god! I'm so like that! I will totally kill a girl if she talks to my boyfriend!" That shouldn't be promoted!

The sad part is I watched it on MTV.com... I sought out the show, I didn't accidentally stumble across it. Yea... I think I need a drink.

The Boy Is Mine

Where do I begin ?

Well, let's start with the fact that I was just chased by a fire man. Or fire men.

What was I doing? I was eating Chinese food in a parking lot with Jeremy Brothers and Nick Wilson. Why? Who knows? It's nice out! It was really late, and we didn't want to bring it back to where we initially were.

We left the parking lot, full of peking dumplings, beef lo mein and fried squid, leaving our trash behind us. Then a fire man pops out of the fire house asking what we were doing. Jeremy's response: "Making out." Then he said, "What were you really doing?" and I said, "Eating. Literally just eating." and then we hear the guy yelling at us, and Nick and Jeremy took off running, so I followed suit.

We ran all the way, chased, and barged into the apartment where the party was at. Not realizing what more harm we could have caused if we got caught in front of that apartment, or at that apartment. Geesh.

Good parts? Jeremy: "Aww, I just witnessed something real."

I feel sick.

Had my first series of final Seriously Bent shows tonight... and they went really well. My friends came to the 8, and it was really nice and nerve wracking to have them all there. Hearing them laugh made me shake even more (and hearing Jeremy laugh made me laugh... during a sketch... I was Horatio Sanz.) But, it's always nice to feel support.

There's Six Flags in Total

Today I went to Six Flags.

I had a day off, I had a car, and it was opening weekend, so I thought, why not?

I woke up in the morning and checked the weather for Springfield, and it said rain... I was slightly hesitant - but I've been to Six Flags in the rain before, and it was one of the best times I went. No lines, no waits, basically emptiness. So, we thought we'd still give it a try.

We were on the road by 12:30, and Steve made a CD but the CD player is broken, and I also have no mp3 player hook up anymore. . . so we were stuck listening to the radio, and ultimately "Love Song" about 27 times. But road trips are fun, because you get to drive... and then not drive, and then drive again. It rained all the way up there... but when we got to Springfield, CLEAR SKIES! Take that, weather.com.

But, we pulled up to the parking lot (which costs $15 by the way) and they were all like, "We're closing at 4 because of weather... you can stay for 2 hours and we won't charge you to park." So, we got to park for free and go on rides for 2 hours.

On a normal Six Flags day, when the weather's nice and nobody has anything to do during the summer, 2 hours will get you on 1 or 2 rides. We were able to ride 6-7 rides, with absolutely NO line at all. We basically walked on every single ride, and in one case we were the ONLY ones on the ride (the Mind Eraser... the scariest ride ever because you can't see what's happening, it's rickity, and it hurts your ears like crazy from going upside down.) It was pretty fucking awesome, because it ended up being gorgeous out, and we never waited.

And then my cell phone fell off on the Superman ride. The LAST ride of the day. The FINAL one we were squeezing in before we had to leave the park. It was so shitty. I was IN LINE texting Jeremy about Gossip Girl, and then all of a sudden 5 minutes later, it's lost in the abyss. Since it was almost 4, we talked to the operators about it, and they found a Mint Chocolate and I was so excited! Then it wasn't mine... so, I stuck around until they could actually go out and look for it and nope, nothing.

I'm pretty upset about it. Mainly because I dropped my phone in water like a month or so ago, and just got a new one. Now I have to go through the process all over again and pay more money. But, well, at least I dropped it in a fun way, right?!? Superman is my favorite ride. And - Steve thought it would be funny if it went flying off the ride at 70 mph and there was some bratty kid walking through the park saying, "Mommy, I want ice cream!" over and over, and then the phone just whacked him in the head.

That's what I'm hoping for...

** And Julia's response to my phone debacle: "i would love to know what the deal is with us and phones...we just can't keep them safe...makes me wonder what we're gonna be like as parents..am i gonna bite my kid's face off? [ cause she bit the screen of her phone] is ur child gonna fall out of a roller-coaster? icarumba

When Things Get Hot

Today was about 60-70 degrees in Boston. Do you know how awesome that is? Pretty awesome. Yesterday I wore leather boots and my calves felt fine, today I wore them and my calves were HOT and in need of air. Funny the way New England works.

Today we (Seriously Bent) had to get all dressed up in our blackest and blingiest to take some group photos for our upcoming show, From Point A to Plan B: Regrets, Disappointments... Seriously Bent. Considering it was such a fabulous day outside, we left rehearsal 15 minutes early to have a photo shoot on Kelly's roof. It was so gorgeous out, and combined with our hotness, it made a pretty hot photo shoot. Mike, our director/photographer-for-the-day, did a great job directing us... he had us pull out our fierceness - and then our angry faces scared him a little bit.

We alternated positions (twss) and then at one point we had cigarettes in our mouths. Mike said, "Patty, make it look like you've smoked a cigarette before." And when I still couldn't make it look natural, "You look like you have a lollipop in your mouth! No cigarette!" So then I held it, felt mildly less cool, then jumped off the building.

Eric looks like he is in the CIA, and Nick Wilson looks like he's in a cigarette ad. And I haven't seen the other pictures - but I hope I look happier to be there in others - cause I was.

Ghouls and Fools

For those of who you work at the Improv Asylum - you should know it's haunted. If you haven't heard that yet. For those of you do not work at the Improv Asylum, you should know it's haunted. I may have mentioned this.

The ghost has been named Madge, but we're unsure what her (or his?) actual name is. But, here is what I've gathered about her: she wears "period clothing" (meaning colonial clothing and not clothing covered in period), she apparently doesn't like the song "The Way I Are" by Timabaland, she likes to sit in rehearsals, she loves fucking around with the currently non-existent green room door, and she has been jilted by Mike Anastasia.

I have been down in the theater during the day, and has randomly fell off the bar. Bottles fell off the shelves and landed on the ground, and there is no window or breeze in the area to cause these things! I have walked into the theater and seen Mike's picture shattered on the ground on two occasions - they're toughly velcro-d to the wall people. . . and nobody else's headshot is falling off! She doesn't like the fact that he takes other ladies down the theater to google Spiderman (seriously).

Regardless, although Madge scares the shit out of me (particularly when I'm down there by myself) I have now taken a liking. . . sort of an obsession, with ghosts. I heard of a haunted Insane Asylum in Danvers, and I read all about it and found out how to get there... then Steve (equipped with several flash lights for exploring) and I trekked to Danvers and found the location... which has now been turned into a not-so-scary condominium complex. It's on a hill and the places look beautiful. . . there were some creepy elements, like the original building in the middle. But otherwise, nothing. Then we drove through a scary and dark field, found a "No Trespassing" building owned by the state where there were barbed wire fences and it was in the middle of a field - so probably just nuclear testing.

Regardless, I'm currently on a hunt for scary ghosts. And, oh, naming them stupid names (i.e. Madge) makes them less scary!

Trevor.

I've talked about Julia a lot on this blog, and I could go on for hours and hours about her. She's wonderful. But right now, I will focus on Trevor.

If I didn't love Trevor so, so much (which I so, so do) I would hate him. He knows this. He's everything I hate about guys. . . just the type of guy he is, and everything he chooses to be. (Remember, I love him! I love you Trev!) But, I can't help but love his sweet moments, and when he choses his drinks not-so-strong, or none at all. Or when he puts Kelly's purse and sunglasses on and pretends he's Raven Simone. He's my little munchkin, who needs to stop drinking and ruining his pancreas!

Regardless, he can light up any room. He can make hanging out for 15 minutes the funniest 15 minutes ever. He's adorable and charming, and he's got a great wink. And his bad eating habits make for some hilarity - even though it too is a factor of the destroying of the pancreas:

Some gems:

"What's in that toaster oven??? Better yet, what can we PUT in that toaster oven??"

"There was a point this morning when I was going down on Craig and I thought, I love Julia."

"Wait, hold on, open this... (opens the fridge)... is that a pudding cup???"

T: Here's my sexy face! (Bites the air.)
Nick: Of course he's eating something!
T: Yeah... twat.

"Aw, thanks, are we gonna try? (To Julia) Are you gonna feed me another strawberry?!?!?"

(Nick stuffs whoopie pie in his mouth while Trevor's in mid conversation)
Trevor: Oh... Oh.... do you have any milk?? I'm about to be in heaven.

And finally, we're all talking and having a conversation, and all of a sudden we look over at Trevor and his head is back, the milk carton is above his head and he's dripping the last drops of whatever's in the carton into his mouth. Then looks at us.... "What?"

In the following picture, there's a strawberry in their mouths.




Ok fine, 1 Julia quote: "My sexy face is my mouth open and a dick in my mouth." Oh Jules...

Postcards from Jeremy

Why are dolls so fucking creepy???

Clap Your Hands And Say Sure

Have I mentioned Slow Clap? It's an improv group I started from the House Teams at IA with Matt Catanzano, Chris Carpenter, and Dave Boczenowski. We've been working on this troupe for a while now. . . thinking back in the fall/winter that we'd start one of our own. Then we had a few dinners to talk about it more, at Friday's and Not Your Average Joe's, and then we scheduled two shows.

Then we kind of fell off the face of the Earth. We stopped doing House Teams, I was involved with Seriously Bent, people had work and other things going on. We kept trying to plan rehearsals, but they just never happened. But, we had a show scheduled. . . so we were forced to remain a group. That show was last night, and it was a lot of fun.

I haven't improvised with most of them in months... besides Matt at an audition. So, when we had rehearsal last Wednesday (in a church... which they trusted us to lock at the end of the night - here's how that turned out. . .)
Anyway, when we had rehearsal, we had a lot of fun. But we did a lot of shitty weird scenes... so I hoped we could really pull it together for Friday. And we did. Like, big time. We worked really well together. And the space was small, and dim, and not what we're used to at all. (There was a children's recital going on simultaneously and their "green room" was in the room adjacent to our show space... so little kids kept giggling and looking through the window.) But, the audience enjoyed us. Carp didn't swear at all, and we did no controversial scenes. . . in fact, I believe Matt may have said the worst thing about retards. But, you can't blame him.

Basically, they're really great, and I'm excited to keep working with them. We have another show coming up, and then nothing planned after that. Maybe we should plan some, because having something in the future is the only thing that forces us to stay together.

IN OTHER NEWS, Did I mention that in the past week I have had TWO search parties after me? Not really. But, on Thursday night I was hanging out with Steve (not hiding!) and my phone had been on silent cause I was in class all day and forgot to turn it back up... then people (Julia and Jeremy fueled, really) texted and called me about 27 times for about 2-3 hours. They were worried sick, and ultimately called my roommate to see if I was home. When I got the calls, I felt really bad. The last text from Jeremy, "Ok. This is ridiculous, people are worried." Made me too scared to even call them back, I was afraid I would get murdered. But I showed up at IA, and they were scold-y, but fine.

Then, last night, I hung out with everyone at Goody Glover's and then we went to Nick Mandella's apartment so Trevor could eat the entire kitchen and the scraps of our Bova's treats. (Which is another post entirely.) I had a few drinks... and I was a little buzzed, but I had to get home. Jules told me to call her when I got home, and I forgot. I just crashed. And I put my phone on silent so nothing would wake me up, and then I woke up at 2 (a time I NEVER sleep until) with numerous calls/texts/voice mails wondering where the hell I was. The best was Jeremy, "Call Julia when you wake up so she knows you're alive, because she's kind of freaking out. There's another conversation about driving drunk that we'll have later. Hope you're well."

I love my mom and dad.

Addicted.

I’ve mentioned this right? How I’m dangerously addicted to Starbucks? Cause I am. This particular coffee is a Vanilla Nonfat Latte. Okay, that’s the same thing I get every day. Every single day. Literally. For the past like, two weeks, not a day has gone by where I did not get a coffee. And some days I have got two. TWO.

Do you know how much money that is? I had a confrontation with my online bank statement a minute ago, and well it keeps throwing SBUX in my face! I get it! $3.83 for a coffee is OUTRAGEOUS. Everyday, that’s $4 (with the $.17 going into my savings account). So, for the past 14 days, I’ve spent $56, if not more (for the days I purchased 2.)

Maybe that’s not that bad. In fact, when you think about it, that also means I have put a whole $1.96 in my savings account through this addiction.

I’m going to justify this and say it’s all right. For one, it’s keeping me off the streets. I’m not off somewhere getting drunk and high, and having tons of STD-ridden sex (for the most part…) Plus, I need something to keep me awake when I’m watching late-night screenings with the Late-night Movie Screening Society. Last night we watched “The Ice Storm”, amusing and sad… and frigid.