Sunday, January 4, 2009

an open letter to...

Griffin, stop barking. You bark so loud. If you want to go in the house, just go in the house. Don't bark like an idiot because your paws are cold in the snow. I love you, and you being scared to walk on the kitchen floor is kind of adorable, despite it being so dumb.

Lesbians, I've decided to become one of you. I've made the switch. No, I'm not dating girls. I'm not sleeping with girls, either. Don't get too excited, Kirsten! I saw that high five you just gave yourself! I'm simply deciding life is best when adorned in plaid and leather.

Girl at the bar last night, you were boring. I don't care that you have a learning disability and made strides at Suffolk defending people with learning disabilities way back when. In fact, I'm pretty sure you haven't improved because when you asked if Nick and I were dating, I said, "No!" and he said, "Yes" and you didn't clue in. You still got defensive for Nick when Evan gave me a drink. Your coat was ugly, and quite frankly you would look good, and much less learning disabled, in glasses.

The IA Tech Department, you all (all 2 of you) like to play your music really loud. Like, totes loud. And we'd go up to CVS and we'd be like, "Oh, it's okay, you can't hear it up here then we're good!" Well, Evan now lives above the theater and last night we were just trying to enjoy some late night Lipton and Jello pudding cups - and the loud music was all we heard. The beats of "Whatever You Like" bumping through the apartment. Just know you're being heard. (Bump that shit louder.)

Alison Royer, I'm proud of you. Not for being sober for four years, I'm talking about your outfit last night. You did that all on your own. You put on the tights, the dress and even the $600 boots, and some fancy earrings and you did it. And you mixed a Target dress and Burberry boots and it totally worked. We're making strides here. No more Christmas socks.

1 comment:

Kirsten Opstad said...

Dear patty,

I'm writing you back. Listen, I'm really glad you're expanding your wardrobe. Don't worry, everyone's scared the first time.

Love,
kirsten

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