Friday, February 20, 2009

I'm Just Not That Into You


Dear Theater Goers,

I know it’s hard to sit down for up to 2 hours without moving, or talking, or checking your phone. It’s a difficult task – believe me, it’s often painful for me. But sometimes, you need to sit still. Going to the movies is a pleasurable experience for most people – and it’s not fair to ruin experiences for everyone else by being a dumb asshole.

So, basically I just don’t understand why you feel the need to ruin it for people.

It’s not necessary to have huge reactions to movies that aren’t horror films. If a character does or says something mean… then it’s not really okay for you to go, “Uh uh! I don’t think so!!” really loud. The first time it’s funny, the next time it’s like, “Ok…” the third time it gets to the “Really? No, but really?” point.

Also, talking loudly amongst your friends is the WORST. If I can’t hear what’s happening in the movie, then you’re being an ignorant twat.

Oh, and if you’re seeing a Disney movie (like Wall-E) and you’re in front of me talking about crack and whatever illegal substances and activities you’re up to (all while commenting loudly on the movie! The children’s movie! The movie about an ADORABLE robot who has a mission to SAVE THE EARTH!) then just stop! Don’t you DARE disrespect Wall-E like that. I’m watching him on his eco-friendly mission of love, and you are ruining it!

And if you like a movie, don’t throw candy at everyone in the end!!

And if someone tells you to be quiet – it is *not* nice to yell “suck a cock!”

You are IGNORANT and you should not be allowed in a movie theater!

I’m just not that into you.

Clearly.

Thank you.

- Patty

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