Monday, March 30, 2009

Maybe it's me, Maybe it's you.

Sometimes I can dish it but I can’t take it. And sometimes I can take it and enjoy playful teasing, but other times I can’t. Why's that?

Like Saturday, when I showed up to rehearsal looking like an electrocuted Sesame Street character… it was funny to be teased. But then the joke carried out to much, much later (when I was looking pretty again!) and comments got mean and hurtful. Like the describing to people how ugly I looked. Sure, I know it wasn’t me and they weren’t saying I was ugly – but still, I got the point. I looked awful, I had a rough night, whatever! Is it so bad for me to take it personal?

And this here blog gets shit on all the time. Sometimes I take it so hard that I’ll block it for a few hours because I’m embarrassed by it, and the comments people say to me. And I know that’s so stupid and I shouldn’t get so upset – but I really don't think it's fair for ANYONE to shit on something that makes someone happy.

Most days I blame myself. I look at my environment (comedy) and the groups of friends I have (a majority of them are guys) and I realize that it’s what it’s supposed to be like. And I’m a very snarky and sarcastic person, so I get it right back to me. I don’t mind that. I have a lot of fun in my life! Being a dick.

But then there are times when I don’t think it’s fair. And deep down, I'm still a girl. If I want to blog a list about things that made me happy, or YouTube videos I like – I should be able to do it. Nobody should tell me “Your blog has turned into…” or “That’s stupid, don’t write about that.” Like, seriously, shut the fuck up. Worry about your own ridiculous life and stop commenting on my choices.

There’s a line between fun teasing, and just being a plain ol’ dickhead. I would never intentionally hurt anyone (and whenever I cross a line and do, I feel bad and apologize.)

Recently, a friend was talking to me about how they don’t understand why they’re considered a mooch. And I said, “Well, to me, I pay for things for you all the time and a lot of the times you ask, I don’t just provide.” And he said, “Right, that makes sense, because you see me buying things and doing things for other people but never for you.” Which is true – multiple times we’ve been at a bar and he’ll buy other people drinks and not me. Once a few months ago he bought 3 people we were with (2 girls and even a guy) a drink, and I was the only person excluded. How am I supposed to feel? (And the funny thing is he’s repeatedly telling me I need to stop hanging out with people who treat me like shit. A little confusing.)

So, while I understand that sometimes I get a little offended too easily sometimes – is it really that hard to ask for people to stop SHITTING all over me and treat me like a person, and not “one of the guys” every now and then?

I guess it is. And I can't decide whether I'd hate when people are nice to me instead. It'd be a little disorienting! Stupid life! I bet that stupid Sun Baby never gets shit on by the Teletubbies!

Negativity is a little exhausting sometimes. And I get it enough from myself! Don't need the whole world jumping on the bandwagon.

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