Monday, March 23, 2009

The New Douche In Town

I am literally 12 years old.

When I was in middle school I had a crush on this guy that I’m going to call… Douche. Later, I would find out that name would be very fitting, but oh when you’re young and in love.

I had a crush on this guy from the literal moment I met him. He looked up at me in class and made a weird face at me, and I was like “who the fuck is this kid??? And why does he have the most amazing eyes, ever?!?”

I remember riding bikes with my friends (to Burger King where we hid our bikes behind bushes instead of locking them up) and telling them about Douche and how weird he was (yet, I couldn’t stop talking about him!)

I don’t know how it happened – but Douche and I became like best friends the next day. We were super close, and he’d walk home with me and my friends after school, and we’d go ice skating together, and we’d talk on the phone, and I think I even went with him to get a haircut once. Once he came over and I had to pretend the Barbie’s all over the floor weren’t mine. But I don’t know what it was – his eyes, his awful Hawaiian t-shirts… I melted every time.

I never told him I liked him… until he started dating someone. And I was so visibly annoyed about it and he asked why, and I said, “Because I like you!” and he was so shocked. And then, he kissed me on the cheek and I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm that felt as good as that moment did.

It was so bad that everyone basically knew me as the girl who liked him. It was kind of awful and adorable, albeit slightly pathetic. (Totally pathetic)

Well, soon enough, Douche went through puberty and the rest is history. He got HOT (which I always thought he was, but he got even more so) and he had a deeper voice, and y’know, all that good stuff. I still had a little thing for him – especially when my 8th grade teacher hit me and screamed at me and he yelled at the teacher for me in class. But, Douche became a thing of the past and I started dating someone else. (Oh, 13 year olds…)

Anyway, cut to now (TEN YEARS LATER)… where there’s a guy who for no real reason makes me melt into a puddle. I can’t form words right. I can’t make jokes (and when I do, they’re awkward and don’t go over well). He’s so not my type, but at the same time he is.

I decided earlier that I wasn’t going to have a crush on him anymore, and then he smiled embarrassingly at me and I had to grab someone to refrain from screaming, “I love you!” as he walked away. I don’t see any faults – even though he’s kind of a douche bag and apparently totally awkward and weird (direct quote from someone after asking them a question, “A. because he’s weird B. because he’s weird and C. because he’s fucking weird!”)

I am so 12 again and soon enough everyone will know me as the girl who likes “___” and years from now I’ll be blogging about this douchebag that I had a crush on.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I love you. I f'ing love you.


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