Friday, April 3, 2009

Oui, je regrette tout...


March has come and gone. Thank God. And with its exit, it has taken a piece of me!

Did I have fun? Yes. At the time. I had a lot of fun. March was a month of relentless, shameless "fun". But, considering the fact that everytime I think of some of that "fun" I become so nauseated I nearly throw up (sometimes I actually do.)

Folks, I'm not that kind of person. I like myself a lot, but I turn into someone I hate sometimes. I drink and I make awful decisions and the aftermath is never good. It doesn't matter how many people in the world do things and get away with it, when I do it, it's a big deal. Not even for other people, more so for me. I can't forgive myself for things... which turns into me apologizing to everyone.

So, to get rid of that awful guilt of I've taken on a 21-day drinking fast. Stemming from a blog I read where the author does 21-Day Salutes, I've taken on my own. I'm not drinking for 21 whole days (I'm on day 7)*

*That's right, I wasn't drinking on Saturday when I yelled out "Holocaust" during the Midnight Show. I actually just know a weird amount of information about the Holocaust because I'm kind of obsessed with that period of time. I didn't even think of how awful of a suggestion it was. Sometimes, I space out. If it makes you feel better, I totally hated myself and considered quitting improv!

Anyways, it's been tough. Last Friday night was the last time I drank (and dear God, did I drink...) and after waking up the mess that I was, not remembering how I got home (and I was driving), and despising myself more with every step I took, I thought "Maybe I should sit out for a while."

But I've gone out every night this week. Dinner with Jessica, no drink. Wednesday night NXT show - no drink. Goody's on Thursday night, no drink. Mandella's where all my friends were drinking (Oh, how I wanted a glass of wine!) - no drink.

(It's saved me money, extra calories, and I've realized that I actually sometimes do it out of convenience... I never really *crave* a drink, I just have it cause it's there. Not worth it.)

But now it's the weekend - how will I hold up? I've actually liked waking up feeling well-slept, conscious, and ABLE TO MOVE. Oh, and not regretting poor decisions.

So my post-New York "Non, je ne regrette rien..." attitude, well that's not holding up anymore. Oui! Je regrette tout! (I don't even know if that's a correct translation that makes sense.)

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