Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Scholar and the Stripper

The Scholar and the Stripper

I have two younger cousins, Ally and Emma. Emma is 12-years-old, a vegetarian, a self-described “tree hugger” – or “hippie freak”, and loves reading, and scholarly pursuits. Ally is 8, likes video games, peeps, rolling around on the ground, dying her hair pink, and Webkinz. Their mother today said, “We have us a scholar and a stripper.”

There are so many parallels between Ally and Emma and Betsy and I, it’s weird. I was also the goof – while Betsy was the more grounded one. I was the one who threw groceries out of shopping carts so I could sleep, and made parody videos outside with my friends (like MTV’s “Fanatic” with Donny Osmond…), and when I was bored I was the one who went into the back porch and put on every single scarf, hat and gloves we owned to make my family laugh.

My parents have them a lawyer and a comedian.

So, when they’re talking about us it’s…

“Oh, my daughter Betsy is finishing up her last year in law school in the top of her class. She’s got a job lined up in New York in the fall, making $094094,000 a year.”

Then, there’s me.

“Oh, Patricia… you should go see her perform, if it’s on a good night, you’ll see her do a split on the stage and hump her scene partner’s leg. She writes sketches about office cunts and babies getting cancer and stars in a YouTube video called ‘Candy Rape’. ”

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m totally fine with the fact that I went to a liberal arts college and studied whatever I felt like studying, and I’m totally fine with the fact that I’m neither going into either Public Relations (no, thanks) nor doing anything with an Art History degree (not even casually bringing it up in conversation to make myself look smarter and more cultured)

I’m in love with performing and writing and that’s where I am. It won’t bring in a ton of money, but hey – that’s what lawyer sisters are for? Am I right, Betsy?

Good thing my parents are O.K. with that!

Cause they got themselves a good ol’ case of Scholar and a Stripper.

** I said, "Betsy, who's the one person you look up to the most?" and she said, "I guess the one person I look up to more than any other is Kurt Vonnegut Jr. for making secular humanism something Americans can relate to... but he is also dead
But he is def my top idol."

Me? I like Tina Fey. Because she writes funny stuff. And makes up fake swear words.


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