Friday, September 25, 2009

Fuck This and Love That

Fuck the fact that I changed into 11 different outfits yesterday morning angrily.
Fuck the fact that I walked so angrily to work that I almost sprained my ankle.
Fuck the fact that I packed a bag of show clothes only to forget it.
Fuck the fact that I left my debit card in the pocket of a pair of jeans in my laundry basket.
Fuck the fact that I was overwhelmed with work.
Fuck the fact that I had two places I wanted to be at Thursday evening at once.
Fuck the fact that I couldn’t enjoy the AMP boat cruise because I was worried about the show.
Fuck the fact that South Station is further from the Seaport than I thought.
Fuck the fact that the train was on standby for a minute or two.
Fuck the fact that Davis Square is in Davis Square and not in the North End.
Fuck the fact that I wasn’t on page with my group so I couldn’t “feel” the show.
Fuck the fact I laughed through almost every scene.
Fuck the fact that I felt rejected with everything I put on the table last night (not in the show, just hanging out)
Fuck the fact that I fell asleep a miserable wreck hating the world.

Love that I have great friends.
Love that I was invited on a cruise for departments in the company I’m not even a part of.
Love that my Gap Card is also a Visa so I can use that as standby money.
Love that no matter where I go, I’m surrounded by hilarious people.
Love that the sun setting over the Boston skyline from a boat is kind of gorgeous.
Love that sometimes spending time with people that aren’t improvisers is kind of nice.
Love that I have a framed caricature of Jules & I on my desk & people most definitely think I’m gay.
Love that people actually do notice if I’m there or not. (Despite what Casey thinks)
Love that none of the bullshit I PUT MYSELF THROUGH yesterday mattered at all. Because in the end, Mark is very sophisticated.

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