Thursday, October 29, 2009

Say it LOUD, Say it PROUD.

Yesterday, I was embarrassed about everything I may have done or said the previous night at the bar. I was messaging people and apologizing (slash begging them not to share my treasures with the world) and then I said, “You know what, at least I’m up front with who I am.”

And then the dog cocked his head and stared at me like I was a crazy person.

Here are things you’ll always know about me:

* What I’m doing. Due to my constant tweeting, Facebook-ing, and blogging – you’ll never be left in the dark about the fact that I may have overslept a certain day, or that I’m listening to Christmas music at work, or that I have a show and I want you to attend. I may over-share, or be excessive about what I write – but that’s who I am and I’m not hiding the fact.

* What I’m into. I mean, read my last blog! Anyone who’s been within a 2 foot radius of me over the past few months knows I’ve been obsessed with MJ. I hate small talk, and awkward silences, so you better believe I will fill those moments with inane ramblings about what I’m feelin’.

* WHO I’m into. I’m a shameless flirt with the least subtlety of anyone I know.

Everything I do, say or wear represents who I am and I’m happy with that. I’d rather all of my shit be on the table than have people be wondering about me. Although, recently I was told that I was “shrouded in mystery” which I don’t think is true. I think it’s kind of funny, actually. I’m the least mysterious person ever.

There are people with secret secrets and you’d never know. They’re mysterious and sketchy and to the world they may look like a nerd or a cool guy, but on the inside, they're sluts, manwhores and troll doll collectors. I am not one of those mysterious people.

At least (poor, innocent) Casey’s up front with the fact that he’s a sexual deviant who mistreats women (literally right after I wrote this sentence, Casey texted me about something unrelated and said “I’m mysterious!!! That’s my thing!! But he’s not really THAT mysterious. He just looks it.) Matt’s got an ego and he owns it, Kelly's a dirty Lady GaGa fan, Mandella's gay, and DiBello’s got a wife and he doesn’t hide her – he passes her around!

But it's like the old historians say, "Felt like I couldn't breathe, you asked what's wrong with me, my best friend Leslie said she's just being Miley." and it's true, I'm just being PATTY you guys. The funniest, sluttiest, quirkiest lesbian ever! Wait, what?


MnG said...

wait a second i have an ego?

Patty Barrett said...

what? Who said that??! Of course not!


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