Wednesday, November 18, 2009

MoOooooOVe on.

I love what I do. I really do. I love packing my life with things to keep me occupied. I like having a “day job” and “professional life” and then walking a couple of steps over to the basement of a CVS so I can do splits on a stage while saying awful things. I lead a double life that I balance pretty well, and sometimes I feel like a superhero.

But, I’m not a superhero. I can’t expect to spend 40 hours a week working full-time and another 20ish doing improv with three different groups of people and not expect to get slightly overwhelmed or stressed every now and then. I have ridiculous amounts of fun and the people I perform with are some of my greatest friends – but then there are the days when it gets to me and I long for a time when I used to be able to go home from work, relax on my couch and watch TV. I used to be able to grab dinner with friends and talk about all our shows!

So, I pout and I show up to shows annoyed and then the whole group is annoyed and then we perform and our show is mediocre and then we get even more annoyed and it’s all just stupid. It’s stupid because at the end of it all, it really doesn’t matter. A show is just a show – and it lasts for 20 minutes or an hour and then we’re done. People come to see a show and they laugh and they go home. They don’t give a fuck about whether it was our best or worst performance… they don’t pick apart what we did wrong – so why should we?

Last night, I got so overwhelmed I cried and planned on going right home. But, then I realized I was being ridiculous. So I stopped, grabbed a glass of wine (like a good alcoholic!), took some time to decompress, and then went out with everyone. I immediately relaxed... and luckily, no one asked about my feelings - they just started joking around and doing bits. If anything pulls me out of a bad mood, it's talking about how sleeping with homeless men cures skin cancer.

So, no, I do not wish I could go right home after work and watch TV. I do not wish I had “free time” or just a 9-5 job like everyone else. I have more fun than anyone in the world! And I have amazing friends and a bartender who not only knows my name and my drink of choice – but who gives me it for free since I'm poor and he legitimitely cares whether I'm having a good time or not. I’d rather that than be able to watch “Amazing Race” as soon as it airs.

I’m looking at you Mark and Casey, come to my god damn show opening.

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