Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Yikes.


I quit dancing school when I was in 9th grade after doing it for 11 years, because one girl complained in a math class to her friend that I didn’t know how to “spot my head” when doing turns. I loved dancing. I would go to classes and completely lose myself and because that one girl said something - that right now seems so ridiculous – like she couldn’t have made fun of anything else about me? – I quit something I was so passionate about. And I was good at it!

If anyone ever told me they didn’t like working with me in improv, I wouldn't care as much. I love improv too much. But the mentality still exists in my mind.

I don’t hang out with some people because I think I’m not good enough for them. I don’t ask people out, because I’m not good enough for anyone. I just feel like I don’t deserve so much. And it’s actually a really shitty way to live.

BUT. Last night I was having a conversation with someone… who really, really hates herself. She was desperate in her attempt for me to accept her, and to prove to me that she’s not a piece of shit. But I saw right through it, because you can’t convince someone you’re not a piece of shit when you actually think you ARE a piece of shit. For the record, I don’t think she’s a piece of shit. But, it was really sad. I felt even worse when I realized that it made me feel so much better about myself and where I am in my life. Compared to her, I’m the most happy-go-lucky lady in the world!

And, actually, I've got it made. So, here's to me! And here's to the people who love me... no matter how many floors I hump, awful details I share, splits I do, secrets I spill, lies I tell, shameless flirting I do, men I roofie... well, that's just me. And I know plenty of people who love me 100% of the time despite these things. And those people, well, they're great.

And, thank God I'm not in high school anymore.

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