Wednesday, December 23, 2009

dear Santa, please bring my friends the following things...

Dear Santa,

I’m good this year. Really, I am. Because I have such great people in my life and I don’t need any gifts! But they deserve gifts. So here’s what I want you to bring them:

I want you to bring Betsy a baby. Preferably one from another country. Not one of her own. And not one she has to keep with her at all times. But one she can buy gifts for, babysit, and then leave elsewhere when she’s bored with it.

I want you to give Jeremy a very long spa day where he cannot touch his iPhone and has unlimited Vanity Fair’s to read while sitting in a sauna/hot tub after a long stress-reducing massage.

I want you to bring Michael some fingerless gloves in them. Because, well, we all know why. So he can keep his hands warm while his fingers go to town.

I want you to bring Matt Catanzano some “Boobies, Patty, Bobbies” pillows.

I want you to bring Evan (now, Santa, he’s Jewish… but don’t hate him) some new shirts and jeans. Because he only owns like 3, and I’m sure they’re getting ratty and gross with the amount of sweating he does when he dances and rolls dice.

I want you to bring Casey some natural energy that doesn’t come in a small bottle shot which promises hours of energy with no crash. It seems like Casey skips the “hours of energy” part all together and ONLY feels the crash.

Please bring DiBello 18 wallets to hold his millions of dollars.

Bring Alison a world map so she knows where countries are located. She's been living in L.A. and thinking it was "Lousiana" for way too long.

And bring Matt Gudernatch some green tea. For his favorite pasttime of pooping.

And finally, please bring Ted Kennedy back for Kiley. You don't know sad it was to see her when she found out he passed away. "Do you know what it's like to know that Ted Kennedy died while you have a beer can stuck to your foot?!?!"

And by the way, I'm just kidding about being "good". I want some effin presents, too! Like these notecards with my own face on them!

Thanks Santa!

P.s. Look at my Santa nails!

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