Never Had A Dream Come True...

One of my resolutions was to not talk or think about the past and just move forward. I've been doing okay. Emphasis on okay. But - to tell you the truth, I don't really think about Seriously Bent all that much. I don't mean that in a bad way - I mean, it'd be too difficult if I just thought every Tuesday and Thursday between 1 and 2:15, "Oh, if this were last year, I'd be at rehearsal." or from 2:15 - 2:30 I thought, "Oh, they're all outside smoking right now." or from 2:30-3:30, "Oh, hey Donahue Caf, what's up." It'd be too much.

I talked to Jules today and she said she just doesn't think of it because then it makes her sad. So, I do the same thing. Plus - I see Kelly and Trevor a lot, and now they're on House Teams so it numbs the pain a little bit. But Seriously Bent has pretty much been the most exciting thing that happened to me.

Last night I watched them perform, and I was almost in tears. I was laughing so hard, and at the slightest inside joke that I got from a rehearsal last year, I freaked out. It was tough to watch them and not perform with them. And when my Awkward Compliment group was talking about how good they were, I was so proud and excited for them.

But seeing them brings back so many good memories! And they are probably the sole reason I was pulled out of the tough times I was going through back then, and they're the only people I want to be around when I'm sad. I've never been part of such a strong group of friends. This is all so corny, isn't it? Yeah, it is. I'm such a sappy loser. But I don't care.

Tonight I'll watch them again and be sad, but hey, it's all okay. Cause I'm cold.

What A Waste

This morning I woke up and was hungover. Couldn't move, couldn't deal with the world, couldn't even think of eating or drinking, and couldn't remember a damn thing from the previous night.

That's great and all - but I realized how much I actually *hate* it. I'm not hungover very often, and I don't drink all that much, but I don't see the point of going out and drinking and then wasting an entire day in pain/misery/guilt/embarrassment. Now, this doesn't happen everytime I drink - in fact, it's only once or twice I've been basically paralyzed the next day.

Getting out of bed at 4:30pm to rejoin society wasn't great. By the time my show started at 7, it was like morning for me. And then we all hung out after and went to a bar, and I had one drink and I was like so not ready for it. Or, not even that, wasn't enjoying it. So, I decided to drink something I would enjoy drinking instead. Shirley temples. So while the guys I was with drank straight vodka, jamies on the rocks (the Mike Anastasia), and beers... I had, and thoroughly enjoyed, shirley temples!

Sure, it wasn't going to get me laid, as Duffy pointed out... "Why you drinking Shirley temples? No one's going to lay you. You need to have alcohol in you to get taken advantage of!"

And I had fun. A really fun time discovering that my group has GREAT banter. We're great at the whole "Relationship" aspect of our lives... but when it comes down to it, there's just no sexual chemistry. And by sexual chemistry I mean when we're actually performing improv - it's never as good as our conversations.

Tomorrow's going to be a good day. Go to Suffolk University's C Walsh Theater (55 Temple Street) and watch The Secret Movie Club (and Seriously Bent!) perform.

Improv-o-rama.

This week is improv mania!

Monday and Tuesday were the only days I didn't do anything improv-related. I had a show last night, tonight, tomorrow and Saturday evening. With four different groups. Crazy time junction. At least tonight I get to do tons of awkward lesbian scenes with Kirsten - which of course I initiate, even though she's the lesbian and I'm not.

Also, I love someecards, and I love that Brian Duffy sent me that one. It goes perfect with my love of my BlackBerry and idea for our show on Friday which involved me dressing in a burka and getting gang-finger-banged by my entire team of men. Good improv? You bet. Respect for woman? Totally.

In conclusion, I love the Leather Gang. I love Awkward Compliment. And I totally love awkward stories of awkward people hitting on my Awkward Compliment friends at bars! Huzzah!

Twitter, what.

I have a Twitter account (which I'm pretty sure I only made because Richie told me Tina Fey was on Twitter) and I always forget about it until someone "follows" me and I get the notification email.

Today I got notified that someone was following me and I didn't know who it was. So I checked out the person's profile, and I checked through the other people she follows to see if maybe we had some mutual friends.

No. We didn't. She's just following what happens to be EVERY BARRETT IN THE UNIVERSE.

Tom Barrett, John Barrett (not my dad), Lisa Barrett, Frank Barrett, Sam Barrett, and now, her new addition... Patty Barrett. There's like... 30 Barrett's! And those are the ONLY people she's following! People with the last name Barrett. And her last name ISN'T Barrett.

I wonder why. Maybe this girl loves the name Barrett and wishes it were hers. Maybe she has a weird fetish for the name. Maybe she likes someone with the last name Barrett and met them once and forgets their name so she's adding every Barrett in the universe to find her one true love. Or maybe she's just weird.

Oh well. As long as she stays away from this website, Barrett Rifles, then I'm okay.

"I thought I just had to say things"

I can't take it anymore.

Listen to the Improv Asylum podcast. Particularly with special guest Alison Royer.

She is the strangest and most wonderful human being.

go here: http://www.improvasylum.com/podcast/

It's The One Good Thing That We've... GOT

This morning I came into work after a very rough night. Rough meaning I tossed and turned all night until about 5:30am… and then woke up at 7:15am. Everything was keeping me up… I was stressing over everything and anything… even down to whether or not I transmitted the credit card machines at IA on Saturday night. My brain is just creating things to be stressed about.

Roberto had the same problem so when we came into work (dressed in similar outfits… all black and white, mourning our happier lives when we slept decently) we were both in a “Ugh, I don’t even feel like dealing with this today” attitude. We decided to take our allotted hour lunch break and spend time with each other and not work.

Coming back from a week of vacation – this was totally necessary. Oddly, I came in and there wasn’t a pile of shit for me to do… but I did have 106 emails to sort through and answer.

We had lunch at Pizzeria Regina, which is a step from our office (God I wish I still lived in my old apartment which is right above Regina’s!) and we ordered little pizzas and pretended we were NOT working and were in Italy. Or well, I did. Roberto I’m not so sure about.

But, I got to thinking about work and freedom. The job I have right now isn’t “stressful”. I mean, it certainly can be – there are definitely days I want to jump off the balcony and dive into the beautiful view of Boston and just die. BUT – all in all, I have a simple job and little responsibility so that I have a lot of flexibility to take days off for improv/creative things… or vacations… or lunch breaks. But so many people here don’t have that freedom. It’s half hour lunch, IF THAT, and it’s better to eat at your desk while doing more work. So many people stay late and work really hard – there’s a lot of dedication.

But, as much as I know I could be doing something a lot more challenging, and sometimes I wish for a bigger challenge, I sort of appreciate what I have. I’m slightly busy in my personal life with shows and rehearsing and filming – I wouldn’t be able to commit to these things with such a hectic, stressful and busy work schedule. So, I fully appreciate the fact that I’m making a good salary for someone my age with total freedom to do whatever the fuck I want right now.

I love this company and I have so many aspirations and someday I want to find a job I’m really dedicated to that I don’t mind spending 14 hour days doing – but that’s not where I am right now, but I’m in a good place.

So here’s to more one hour lunch breaks while I can actually take them!

Child Star

Growing up, I wished I could be a child star. I watched Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's detective videos, and The Babysitter's Club, and I was like really? I can do that! It's so easy! I can solve mysteries by dinner time, too! I also wanted to be a secretary, an artist, a singer, a professional person who worked in an office, a Barbie, a caterpillar, a tour guide, and... well, you get the point. I still change my mind at this constant pace. Because I have ADD.

Anyway. In Vegas, we had a wild and crazy time... watching Nickelodeon. And I was surprised at how much I actually knew about Spongebob Squarepants. A whole lot. Like, so many small details no 22-year-old woman should know. I didn't have younger siblings, I didn't have a child, I just watched it. And would enjoy it. And draw his character all over my notebooks. I'm not kidding. I was like Tye in Clueless with Marvin the Martian. Except I smoked less pot.

Anywho, we watched this show iCarly. It is about this girl, Carly, who has an internet TV show with her best friend Sam. It's like a variety/comedy show where they do dumb things. It's really dumb actually, and the acting is kind of terrible. And one of the girls reminds me of a co-worker of mine in the worst ways possible. But, I actually sat down to relax in front of the TV tonight (which, really never happens... it lasts about 3 minutes before I'm up doing something else. Like typing this blog. Or doing laundry. Or unpacking. Etc.) and I found the show and got a little excited for it.

I immediately scolded myself and switched the channel. But nothing good was on! I mean, not on the two channels above Nick, so I just went right back.

And watched two episodes.

And actually laughed and got invested in characters and got so mad when Sam and Freddy kissed because Freddy totally likes Carly and should have his first kiss with her and not that ungrateful bitch, Sam.

And, yeah, now I'm going to go watch a more grown-up show to rid myself of the stain of iCarly. So, yes, Home Improvement The Lizzie McGuire Movie it is.

Viva Las Vegas

I love that the strip is close to the airport so when you land in Vegas at night, you see the lights and it makes you more excited. Of course, I didn't see the lights... because I was sitting on the opposite side of the plane. But yes, you get it.

I love that the strip is filled with hotels trying to out-do each other in grandeur and awesomeness, each trying to attract the next loser. Loser, I mean, literally - as in one who will gamble and lose all their money. Yet, all casinos are seedy and similar. Despite the amazingness that is the Venetian or the Bellagio on the outside, casinos never look "pretty". They're all filled with smoke and corny slot machines.

I love that you can walk the streets holding beer bottles, wine glasses, margaritas, and giant pina coladas in Eiffel Towers.

I love that you can go somewhere and actually order a PITCHER of Long Island Iced Tea for $35... when three Long Island Iced Teas alone cost about the same at the SAME place.

I love that airfare and hotel combined for 4 days are cheaper than a trip for two nights to New York City.

I love the fountains at the Bellagio when they play "Viva Las Vegas" and you're drinking a Metropolitan and eating filet mignon on a patio with heat lamps at night. (Though I do not love the Treasure Island "Sirens of TI" pirate ship show. Though, it is kind of hilarious. Though it's not meant to be.)

I love that it's in the middle of the dessert.

I love that there's so much to do at all hours of the day and night. Even if you choose to sleep in all day and not do anything... or if you choose to do the same thing every night.

God, I love Vegas.


Oh, and p.s. Roberto made me a new header and it looks so awesome! I love Roberto!

The Story of a UPS run

A. Days off scare me. I don't know what to do with myself and I freak out about it. So I spent the day doing what I would have been doing at work, iming Roberto, and learning new tricks on my BlackBerry and wining and dining it.

B. I had a coat that was dying to go back to Overstock since it was preventing me from receiving $250 back into my bank account. So, I went to the UPS store in Everett and I found the seediness of the wood paneling and shades of brown kind of hilarious and hometown-y.

"At Last" by Kenny G was playing in the store. The lady came out from the back and was talking on her cell phone with a headset. She was loud and sassy and I was both frightened and amused by her.

As she processed my order she said, "Mmmhmm... I love this song. It's a beautiful song. This is Kenny G. He is a brilliant artist. Uh, when he plays that flute! It's magic!" (He plays the sax.)

I responded with the fact that he lives on Temple Street in Beacon Hill across from my old school. And she flipped out. She has plans to go and stalk him.

The rest of the conversation went like this:

UPS Lady: I like old artists better. I mean, new artists are okay, but there's just something about older artists... music you can relax and meditate to. Not like Beyonce.
Me: No?
UPS Lady: No! I don't know what it is. I just don't like her! I mean, I like the song with the ring on it - but I like it because on the tube thing, or the YouTube or whatever, I saw this Mexican guy doing it and he was dancing and it was so good!! It was so funny and he did it so much better than Beyonce. So I don't even like the song for her, I like it for that guy.
Me: Yeah, I agree.
UPS Lady: And oh, that other girl... the one who just went through all that stuff with her mother and everything -
Me: Jennifer Hudson?
UPS Lady: Yeah! Her! When I watched DreamGirls I wasn't even paying attention to Beyonce!! She can't even act!
Me: I AGREE! I was so glad when she won the Oscar because she was so good in it and she wasn't even billed on the posters.
UPS Lady: GIRL YOU DON'T EVEN KNOOOOOWWWW!!! (She starts screaming and walking back and forth)
Me: And I was pissed Beyonce got to play Etta James because I love Etta James and Jennifer Hudson should have done it.
UPS Lady: OH MY DEAR, YES!!!!!! (Slams fist on table.)

Then I paid the woman for shipping my coat, and she called me darling and told me to have a good night.

And I was glad I left the house and had a fun exchange in my hometown UPS store with the lady who hates Beyonce, watches the tube thing, thinks Kenny G plays the flute and LOVES him for it, and jams out to the song with the ring on it.

Now, I'm going to go watch What Not To Wear and plan things I'll do at a later date while I stress about things I'm not doing now.

Hoorah!

Time Out

This week has been spent not at work. Which has been wonderful, and something I could totally get used to. It's 1am on a Wednesday and instead of being in bed - I am watching Sex and the City, blogging, drawing, downloading music, talking to people online, and missing warmer weather in Vegas.

Vegas, by the way, was great. I felt a little bad, or guilty, because we did the same things... every single night. I mean, we'd switch it up a little bit - but generally did the same places every night. We couldn't help it. We have favorites... and we stuck with them. But whatever, it was my vacation and if I have my own "Vegas routine" then that's okay - I enjoy it. I even enjoyed sleeping until 2 or 3pm and watching TV forever... like iCarly and Spongebob and King of Queens and Cash Cab. It's Vegas, baby. Everyone has their own Vegas style. I just like to drink a little bit, sleep, eat steak on a patio, watch TV, and have unexpectedly painful pillow fights and wake up to a lamp in bed with me.

But... I think this is the perfect week to have off. On my last night in Vegas, which actually was this morning their time, I had a panic attack. I was out at a bar and was basically falling asleep, and then when I got home, I laid down and freaked the fuck out. My heart started racing, my brain was running in circles, I wasn't tired, I was uncontrollably angry, I kept tossing and turning and getting out of bed and getting back in and crying... and it was the weirdest feeling.

And when I woke up, all was well. Until I got off the plane and I was waiting at the airport by myself because Steve was rushing to get somewhere, and I had another one. Just a rush of panic and anger and racing heart. I had to sit on a bench next to this awful teenager screaming into her sidekick about this biznatch who was trying to facebook her boyfriend, and she wasn't getting the hint that he doesn't want her... so that I could come down from crazytown and rejoin the world.

Anxiety is just weird. And I'd love the week to sleep in and watch tons of TV on DVD.

But... after seeing The Leather Gang perform tonight - I know that I am in for the BEST few months of improvising... and Awkward Compliment is amazing fun times.

I like sharpies.

whoa

I've had this blog for a year now!

I don't know what that means. Just that I've been blogging for a year.

You know how some people do year long blog projects? This wasn't one. So... I'm not going to stop blogging. Not until I've accomplished something. So, we'll see what is accomplished.

Until then, Vegas.

Adios!

Winter Traveling

Today I had a meeting (because people with BlackBerry's do that) with my improv group, Awkward Compliment. It's hard having business meetings with comedians, really, because there's a lot of bits and a lot of playing around and not getting shit done. Even when I worked in the corporate office at IA - meetings were generally silly. They were definitely serious, but there were still a lot of bits and jokes and picking on each other. At least when Norm was there.

But, I walked into this past week with the frame of mind of keeping my shit together. And so, I did.

We met and discussed our future together. Shows, short sketches we're filming, photographs, press kits, website info, etc. And I took on the role of secretary like it was my job! (Which, it actually is my job... just... for an actual office that brings in money. Sometimes.) I started the meeting off by having everyone go around and say something good that happened! Matt filmed his first commercial! Duffy is healthy - according to his annual check up! Mark got a battery delivered to him by Triple A! Brian Dibello is thoroughly enjoying unemployment... he saw The Fray on Wednesday! And Casey... well, Casey's office hours changed to 8:30-5:30 (instead of 9-5) and doesn't get a pay increase. But, well, at least he's adorable.

My answer was that I booked a trip to Vegas and I will be leaving tomorrow. If that isn't good - then I don't know what is. Even though I forgot I was going until like... today. I was too busy getting things squared away at work/making Evan feel comfortable at work by completely bullying him/swooning over crush/talking inappropriately with Roberto.

Here are the best parts of going away:

Buying travel-sized toiletries. I can't get enough of them! I don't even know why I buy so many of them! And I mean, in general, I buy expensive shampoo! I have shampoo and conditioner that is $25 a bottle! Yet I still buy travel sized stuff because it smells good... or looks cool... or I think "Hey, I might need that" even though I NEVER use it in my daily life.

Going somewhere warm in the winter! Sure, Vegas is not HOT right now... but I went when it was like 104 degrees and it was exhausting. I'll take 60 degrees over 12 degrees any day! The only bad part is possibility about not flying out due to snow, but we're not talking about that.

No work! I get a week off. A week of not dealing with waking up in the morning, having a bed time, being responsible. Even though I've taken some time to situate myself and get my shit in order - I can totally take off next week and do whatever I want. I have PTO time and I'm going to use it!

Packing. I love packing. I make lists of all the things I need to pack and then go through my wardrobe and plan outfits and figure out what I need and don't need and then end up packing too much and having to make sacrifices... oh, it's all so exciting! When I was young, I used to pack like, a week or two in advance... which was dumb because then I lived out of suitcases and had to re-pack.

Anywho, that was fun. I love you all and will miss you all. Evan, take care of Roberto for me. He's so fragile. And try not to get roughed up in the bathroom...

i don't even know you and I hate you

Sure, it's negative whatever degrees here. But in two days I'll be there. Seeing that view (maybe) and in much nicer weather!

Every night for the past week I have taken two sleeping pills. Mainly because I wanted to have a good night sleep every night to prevent myself from being sick - cause I could feel it coming on. But, luckily, I never got sick. So I'll be in Vegas on Sunday and not sick.

But right now I am sick. I have a headache the size of... a big headache. It was crippling a little while ago, I had to take my glasses off and put my head down... and it might have something to do w/ the margarita I had at lunch. Maybe... it could also do with the fact that I have got zero flirting action today. The only action I've got was Roberto leading me around the office by his pinky.

Or when he sent me this:

Roberto Valdivieso: I hate the way you talk to me
Patty Barrett: what!
Roberto Valdivieso: and the way you cut your hair
Patty Barrett: :(
Roberto Valdivieso: I hate the way you drive your car
Patty Barrett: most do..
Roberto Valdivieso: i hate it when you stare
Patty Barrett: but i like to be creepy!
Roberto Valdivieso: I hate your big dumb combat boots
Patty Barrett: they're sheepskin!
Roberto Valdivieso: and the way you read my mind
Patty Barrett: i wish i could
Roberto Valdivieso: I hate you so much it make sick
Patty Barrett: but I'M sick
Roberto Valdivieso: it even makes me rhyme
Patty Barrett: not always..
Patty Barrett: you never rhyme
Roberto Valdivieso: I hate the way you're always right
Roberto Valdivieso: i hate it when you lie
Roberto Valdivieso: i hate it when you make me laugh
Roberto Valdivieso: even worse
Roberto Valdivieso: when you make me cry
Roberto Valdivieso: i hate the way you're not around
Roberto Valdivieso: and the fact that you didn't call
Roberto Valdivieso: but mostly
Roberto Valdivieso: I hate the way i dont hate you
Roberto Valdivieso: not even close
Roberto Valdivieso: not even a little
Roberto Valdivieso: not even at all

***

I'm bundled up like a little kid. And I have all of next week off. I'm going to Vegas... where I'll probably end up napping my life away! :-)

Life is good.

Googling Me.

When you Google Image Search "Patty Barrett", here is what you find.

A picture I took of the theater. In 2006, apparently, because the seats were still red. And it was linked to a site called "Go Boston Card", a site I have never heard of. Nor was I asked permission for use of my picture... nor do I even know where they found it!



Lady Lettuce Face


Tina Fey... now if only I could get my picture to show up on her google image searches!! So she could say, "Who is this lovely lady creep who has a weird crush on me??"


Redcoats... this came with the caption, "Patty rams the charge home." You're right I do. Clearly this is due to my love of Johnny Tremain and The Green Dragon.


And finally, an actual picture of me. Which was linked from Harry Gordon's Myspace and not my own. So, that's weird.

Lunch Lady

I went to lunch with Roberto recently, and on the way back to the office, a woman stopped us and said, "Do you know where the bus stop is?? I've been looking and waiting!"

I said, "Yup - if you keep walking down here, it's right in front of the building."

So, we had no choice but to walk with this woman. She then went on to talk about how expensive Boston was and she asked about the area. I said, "Yeah we just moved over here." And sure, we did. We used to "live" on Canal Street but we just moved to North Washington Street 2 months ago. She said, "Where were you before?" and I pointed across the street and showed her.

This killed her. She got all angry and mom-like and was like, "Do you know how expensive it is??? Why don't you move outside of the city?? You must have a ton of people living in one place!" And then, I realized I gave her the impression that we lived and not worked in the city. So of course I went with it.

"Yeah we have like 100 people in there."
"100 people?!?! You're kidding right!"
"Yeah, I was embellishing... but really like 15."
"What! Move out of the city... it's not worth it!!"
"Yeah, I know, but it's so convenient!"
"You'd be surprised... have you ever heard of Craigslist?"
"No..."
"Look on Craigslist! The bus is here, good luck!!!"

And then I went up to my "apartment" where around 100 other people live comfortably and awesomely because our new digs are pretty effin sweet.

The weird thing is I get this a lot. When I lived in Boston people were so confused about it - and when I live outside of the city and take cabs home they tell me I'm smart. I just feel ambivalent. I could do either. I have no qualms about throwing my money away for convenience! But no, Everett here I am. For now.

It's Snowing Improv

Yeah, I was drunk on Saturday night. And yeah, I probably made a fool of myself... but hey, guess what, I kinda love that man and I was excited for him and sad at the same time - so I'm not apologizing for anything! Guess what people... that's who I am! Sometimes I do stupid things and sometimes I say stupid things... but it's rarer than you think - I'm a smart lady.

I spent the majority of my weekend playing with my Blackberry and brooding. In my new square friendship with Evan, Casey and Matt, I've learned that Evan and Matt are criers (is that a word?) and Casey and I are brooders. I brood.

Here's a lesson kids... and you can take this with a grain of salt because I'm absolutely wonderful at giving out advice that I never take or follow. But anyway... if someone says, "Don't tell anyone we're hanging out." or even better - "Don't tell anyone we're having sex." (This is not an example from my life) Then you probably shouldn't hang out with them, or hook up with them for that matter. It's completely degrading. More girls need to have some self respect. And with that note, if someone says, "I don't want a relationship." then they're lying. They do. Just not with you. So pack up your self respect, don't brood, and enjoy your life. Ooh Ooh! Gonna be okay, dauidyhsgdaysdoias... just dance. What? Ok. Moving on.

I spent all of yesterday afternoon/evening 3-way iming via BBM - blackberry messenging - with Julia and Kelly. I was at Target, Julia was ironing, and Kelly was at Border Cafe but it was like we were WITH EACHOTHER! I love them. And most of all, I love technology.

The most exciting thing ahead for me this month? IMPROV. I have the absolute BEST house team! I have the best acts lined up for the Seriously Bent Festival - Awkward Compliment and Secret Movie Club? Yes please! All of this goodness makes me happy that improv-related things turned out the way they did. I'm on top of the world.

Scarecrow....I'm gonna miss you most of all....

I'm going to dedicate this blog entry (I said entry this time, Jeremy!) to Michael Anastasia, who has been my friend, my mentor, my co-sad alcoholic, my improv teacher and director, and so much more.

Last night I went to the Asylum thinking, "Yay! Fun times ahead!" and I officially ended my night standing alone in the middle of a snow storm waiting for a cab and balling my eyes out. I think that says a lot about how much he means to me.

What with the way he eats Chinese food when he's sad. Saying, "Patty, should I order Chinese food?" "No." "OK, I'm gonna order some Chinese food..." and then he gets the Chinese food, and puts Spiderman on the big screen then calls me into the theater to ask my opinion on the phallic shape of Gatorade bottles.

To the way he jumps on the back of my car and makes me drive him down Salem Street... and when I say, "No!" he goes, "PATTY! FASTER! PATTY! PATTY! DRIVE!!! DRIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO FASTER!!!!!"

Or the constant reminder that I'm less fun now that I don't live in the North End.

Oh, I could go on for days about this crazy mother fucker (who's straight out of NEWTON). Except he's not, that's a line from a former closer. I've seen him happy, angry, silly, mad, drunk, sober, furious... and I know all his little ticks and idiosyncrasies and they are what make him Mike and they are all the reasons I love him - or else I wouldn't have so many bits!

And he has seen me grow up and mature and has been like a brother to me for the past 3 and a half years of my life... so, it is very sad for me to see him go. But he's moving on to bigger and better things! He's packing all his pop culture references in bags, putting on his shades, painting one fingernail awesome, styling his faux hawk and getting the F out of here...

Ladies of LA watch out!

And so... with that... I say, "Bye kitten!" and "WHACHU KNOW ABOUT MOVING TO LA?!?" for the very. last. time. (No, I'm sure there'll be more times. When I'm your personal assistant!)

i do this

here are some crappy videos i'm in.

i like doing this.

A funny story behind these videos goes like this.

So, I find out we're filming our Halloween video in Newburyport. My aunt lives in Newburyport and owns a popular bagel shop there, so I'm there all the time and have been all my life.

We get to the location - and it's in this... well, basically a mansion. One I've ogled since I was a child. Then I tell the director, who lives in this mansion, about my aunt and he knows the place and says he knows someone who works at her shop.

Fast forward to a few weeks later when my mother (who works at the shop) says to me, "I saw "Candy Rape" the other day!" all excited. The guy Mike knew showed my mom, among others. Then months later my mom says to my aunt, "Go to YouTube and search for 'Candy Rape'"

Just... strange. And odd. Can everyone stop saying rape?

Anyways - yeah.

I'm being HELPED! HELPPPP

Ladies…

So everyone has their resolutions this month right? 2009’s going to be THE BOMB, right?

I’ve resolved to A. stop apologizing (I do this a lot… for stupid things. It’s the Irish guilt.) And also B. to come up with a new resolution for every month. January is going to be dedicated to doing things I want to do. Like, hey, I want to go to Vegas… so fuck it, I’m going to go. (Well – depending on stupid Steve and his stupid work schedule.)

I’m going to buy Starbucks everyday if I want it because I WANT IT and I do…

I’m going to get a Blackberry this weekend because I’m tired of my stupid phone and being behind on the times! I want to be able to Blackberry message and have chat rooms going all day with Julia, Trevor, Kelly, Bryan and Alison!! Oh, the accessibility!!

I’m going to stay out late on a WORK NIGHT if I want to… I will drink and be merry if I feel like it… and sometimes I will just hang and not drink, even though I’m at a bar. Sometimes it’s more fun to hang out with your friends and make up new and exciting bits! Bits! Bits are so fun. It’s not good to mix bits with alcohol anyway – bits are dangerous. Don’t drink and bit.

I will form a gang called “The Leather Gang” if I want because if you’re going to have a gang that dresses in all leather – what else would you name it? It’s straight to the point – we are The Leather Gang and we wear leather jackets and we snap leather belts – deal with it, fuckers. (Not to be confused with The Pleather Gang which, sorry Jeremy, it’s just not going to blow up like our gang has…)

I want to take sleeping pills on Fri and Sat night so I can sleep late on weekends. I want to improvise a lot with my friends. I want to improvise with some of my not friends but just people I want to improvise with.

I want to make sexual jokes ALL THE TIME! And especially behind this one guy's - let's call him The Falconator - back and talk about doing him in his truck. But I want to continuously lose my shit and utter complete nonsense when he actually talks to me or compliments me. Yup, I want to KEEP being retarded.

I want to watch “What Not To Wear” and be jealous that I can’t be on the show. I know I’m not eligible – because clearly I am the most FABULOUSLY STYLISH person you know, am I right Ladies?? – but I want a $5,000 shopping spree and a makeover. So I want to watch that show, then put on more makeup than I would normally wear, take pictures of myself, then go shopping imagining Clinton and Stacey were with me. Oh, those two crazy kids.

I just want to beeee. Buzz buzz buzzzzzz

This is all stemming from a recent realization that I’m not the worst person in the world. Sometimes I’m down on myself and I think I’m crazy and I think I’ve got my shit all over the place and someone recently said to me, “You’ve got your shit together more than you think…” and I thought about it and I was like, “Do I?” and then I saw something that changed my life: Cougar Youths. And they were flirting and throwing themselves on men and begging for attention and love and alcohol and I was like, “Really?” Cougar Youths just have no sense of self worth… it’s all based on what men think of them. And well, that sucks, because the men they put their cougar claws into were not having it with their eye rolling and their snickering. Sad to watch… great realization of self, though.

January’s almost half over – but so much exciting stuff has already happened. And more excitement is coming my way. Our way. We’re all in this together.

xoxo,
Barrett All

And so we wed.

Roberto and Patty were married today. The wedding was held in The Corner Mall in the lovely Downtown Crossing district of Boston, MASS. It was officiated by a gang member screaming "bitch" into his cell phone. The reception was catered by Sakkio Japan with hors devours from Subway. Photos taken by the photo booth that smelled like the last person who used it drank a bottle of whiskey and snorted cocaine off the seat.

These are great kind of lunch breaks.

Now I'm exhausted. Falling asleep at my desk exhausted.

I need another vacation.

an open letter to...

Griffin, stop barking. You bark so loud. If you want to go in the house, just go in the house. Don't bark like an idiot because your paws are cold in the snow. I love you, and you being scared to walk on the kitchen floor is kind of adorable, despite it being so dumb.

Lesbians, I've decided to become one of you. I've made the switch. No, I'm not dating girls. I'm not sleeping with girls, either. Don't get too excited, Kirsten! I saw that high five you just gave yourself! I'm simply deciding life is best when adorned in plaid and leather.

Girl at the bar last night, you were boring. I don't care that you have a learning disability and made strides at Suffolk defending people with learning disabilities way back when. In fact, I'm pretty sure you haven't improved because when you asked if Nick and I were dating, I said, "No!" and he said, "Yes" and you didn't clue in. You still got defensive for Nick when Evan gave me a drink. Your coat was ugly, and quite frankly you would look good, and much less learning disabled, in glasses.

The IA Tech Department, you all (all 2 of you) like to play your music really loud. Like, totes loud. And we'd go up to CVS and we'd be like, "Oh, it's okay, you can't hear it up here then we're good!" Well, Evan now lives above the theater and last night we were just trying to enjoy some late night Lipton and Jello pudding cups - and the loud music was all we heard. The beats of "Whatever You Like" bumping through the apartment. Just know you're being heard. (Bump that shit louder.)

Alison Royer, I'm proud of you. Not for being sober for four years, I'm talking about your outfit last night. You did that all on your own. You put on the tights, the dress and even the $600 boots, and some fancy earrings and you did it. And you mixed a Target dress and Burberry boots and it totally worked. We're making strides here. No more Christmas socks.

my two new callings

My favorite commercial ever. I want to have dance off's with people all the time. In dorms. Celebrating the magic of Target. The best part is I have two items shown in that commercial, a lamp and a mirror. I'm young.

And my other new calling is street art. I get Daily Candy emailed to me everyday (thanks Kristin Hapgood Martin!) and the NYC one had a feature on the Wooster Collective (woostercollective.com) and it spotlights street art from around the world. It's so awesome! And inspiring. I love inspiration. So now I'm going to be a street dancing street artist! Huzzah!

when things aren't what you expect

you know what's the worst? expectations.

i, for one, am tired of expecting things. i'm tired of starting a day saying "this is going to happen today..." because once i say that, i get let down. and i don't want to be let down, so i'm not going to expect anything anymore!

Like when I saw Twilight - I was totally disappointed. But that's only because I expected good things... if I went into the theater not really caring (like a lot of people did and enjoyed it!) then I would have enjoyed it as well.

I spend a lot of my time planning my life out. I sort of freak out when I have nothing lined up. I love my alone time - and often complain when I've done too many work doubles or have had busy weeks. But really - when I'm faced with nothing but... myself... for a day, I freak out. So I pack my life with, "Tuesday I will hang out with you, Wednesday I have a show, Thursday ... OH NO THURSDAY I'M FREE MUST FIND SOMETHING TO DO"

But my new goal is to not expect a thing because I've found one of the happiest things about life is being surprised. If I don't expect a good day, then I'll have one.

On New Years I didn't expect anything. I was upset about working but there was nothing I could do about it - I couldn't control anything that night - so I went with the flow, and I got annoyed for a good little while, but then I snapped myself out of it. I was with good people. I was grateful to be somewhere with people I loved and I did the weirdest things and had the weirdest night, and basically got frost bite, but I had a very good time.

Happy New Year everyone. And may more moments like the one above happen in '09.