Now hold on one minute.... OHHHHHH

So… Evan is moving to LA. He had his last Improv Asylum show last night and talking about it right now is like sticking my fingers into an open wound. I mean, right now my eyes look like a spider bit them because they’re so puffy from crying all night! But, he went out on a good note. The show was amazing and super fun… and Matt made him roll dice, so all was well in the world.

But, it’s particularly hard for me because we’ve been on this journey together the whole time. We worked in the front of house together, we became managers together, we did House Teams together, we quit IA together, we worked together at a day job outside of IA, then we did NXT together… and now we’re at the fork in the road where I have to let him go and move on and continue the journey alone, and I have to do the same thing. I know I’ll be okay, and I know he’ll do great in LA… but at the same time, it’s hard to fathom. It’s like I’m starting a new life, too.

It’s crazy to think once upon a time, I was selling tickets and he was picking up bottles. We went out after a shift once for food, and we saw Mike Anastasia (the Staj) walk in with some girl, and he went to the other side of the restaurant. And at that point, we were still new-ish… meaning, we’d been there for not quite long enough for them to take the time to remember our names yet (wink!) and Evan said, “Man… you know, I look at him… I say hi, but it's like... we're not people. It’s "Hey!!... Sure, I’ll go take out your trash now... I'll throw out your beer...”

Three years later WE’D be those assholes! Here we are today! Now we’re the talent and people can’t look US in the eye! (Jokes!) Whatta world!

So… here’s to afternoons on the porch, late-night ATM talks, combinations to butts, societies and secrets and sandwiches, an actual handshake that has lasted!, car rides where he thought he’d die from my driving, smiley face emoticons… and the thousand of other memories. I’d be a different person today if I didn’t have them, that’s for sure! And I know there’s a thousand more in the future!

Man, I love that gross idiot.

But in other news: Check out evanandpatty.com, BOOP! (I’m serious. It’s real. It's not entertaining yet, but it will be!)

Rough.

I've kind of had a rough week due to an unexpected death in my family and overwhelming heat.

However, the premiere of Mad Men, Project Runway, watching Now and Then, and the following pictures have made it better. Casey and Matt are stupid, stupid idiots. But I love them so much.

Monumental Moments

You know those monumental moments in people’s lives? Like, “Where were you when JFK was shot?” and “Where were you when you heard about September 11th?”

Well, it was a really snowy day in November. Veteran’s Day weekend, or some shit like that. I had to go register for my second semester of freshman year, and I walked in to the guy’s office (which would later be an office I worked in senior year) and I was “undeclared”. I left a Public Relations major and an Art History minor. Eh, whatever.

I left the office and loved the snow. It may have been the first snowfall, I don’t know. But it was a pretty walk from the Donahue building in Beacon Hill to my dorm on Tremont Street. I called my dad to pick me up – I wanted to go home that weekend. I went home everyweekend. To “do laundry”, but really, I was boring. I had friends, but most of them were back in Everett because I was too shy to make friends with people at school. Actually, my “school friends” went home on the weekends too. Except my roommate. I liked her. I miss her.

I digress.

I got home and my friend Janine called because she was at the hospital. Her sister just had a baby, and Janine didn’t want to be there anymore apparently. Betsy and I jumped in the car (it was nearly a full-out blizzard at this point) and we picked up Janine. I was driving my dad’s van and it was awful. But we got home in one piece.

Ah, all the details. I remember them so well. And what was the monumental occasion? Well, it was the first time I ever watched Arrested Development. I had watched one episode while in high school, but it wasn’t until I watched the whole first season from start to finish that I thought, “Holy shit. THIS is what it’s supposed to be like!”



Everything should be like that. Every TV show should pay attention to the small details and have the same genius continuity! Every character on every TV show should be a major character and useful for the entire plot of the show. I mean, every episode is just as entertaining as the last. The jokes never get old. And even Michael Bluth – the supposed sane member of his family – could be a boring, straight man character – but no! When you take him out of his family, HE’S JUST AS INSANE.

Man, that show changed my life. And by “changed my life” I mean made me feel bad about myself for lusting after a tall, balding guy and a 16-year-old Michael Cera. It even made me like Liza Minelli. I owe everything to that show. I can’t wait for the movie!

A good site for all AD-related (including scripts, quotes, fun): Balboa Observer-Picayune

50 Greatest Comedy Sketches

I came across the 50 Greatest Comedy Sketches yesterday via Google when I was trying to break out of my writer’s block. As a child, I’d stay up and watch Mad TV and SNL (if I could stay up that late… which I rarely could.) And I thought that was the end-all, be-all of comedy. Even when I stepped into my first improv class and Harry Gordon asked us, “Why are you in this class?” I said, “I want to be on SNL.”

Silly 19-year-old Patty!

Now, I’ve stepped into the light. I know that SNL is an unrealistic goal – and if that’s the reason for being in comedy, well then – you won’t succeed in your comedy. If you want to be Adam Sandler, it’s not going to happen (and dear God, I’ve seen someone try and try and TRY. Get it through your head, guy! That grandmother voice isn’t getting you anywhere!) I want to do comedy because I enjoy doing comedy. I don’t need to be famous, I don’t need to be a renowned comedian, as long as I have the outlet to do it – I’m good. (That being said, GIVE ME A FULL-TIME PAYING COMEDY GIG AND I’LL TAKE IT!)

I also slowly realized there are tons of other sketch comedy shows I never knew existed. Or rather, knew existed but didn’t realize what it was! The sketch list pulls from all sources – “Abbot and Costello”, “Upright Citizens Brigade”, “SCTV”, “French and Saunders” – which, unbeknownst to me spawned the series “Absolutely Fabulous”, “Monty Python”, “Chapelle’s Show” and a ton of others.

Half of the links don’t work – but there are descriptions (and I’m sure there somewhere out there in the internet.) But I’m inspired for tons of writing this week and next week! I’m literally going to take sketches and copy them down word for word! Jeremy will never know!

P.s. If you have a thing for shoes like I do and always wanted a pair of Christian Louboutins – theoutnet.com is selling them for half-price. God, I wish I had money.

Hello, improv.

As many of you know (or, rather, all of you who read my blog on a fairly regular basis) I perform improv comedy! I have been doing so for the past four years of my life. And, it’s been the most consistent thing in my life over these past four years.

Friends have come and go, boys have fucked me over, I’ve lived in more than one apartment – but throughout these years, improv has been the one constant. And really, it’s all I really care about. As of right now, I know it’s the only foreseeable thing in my future. I will base where I go next on improv, and as a wise man once said to me, “everything you do is in preparation for your next move” and it’s true. So I see that all the experience I’m gaining here as a stepping stone to the experience I’ll gain elsewhere. Which sounds very exciting and scary all at the same time.

So, that’s my life. This blog is going to become very improv-centric because it’s a very important, and huge, part of my life.

Lost in Boston is wrapping up, at least with the whole original cast. In the next few weeks, we’ll see Evan leave (I don’t want to talk about it), and Tony will be moving on to the main stage, and Scott will be leaving us for married life in central Massachusetts. Things are going to be changing, and the show will be transferring over to a new show come the fall! As someone who hates change, I’ll have to say that I’m super sad to see Lost in Boston leave – and my friends, clearly – but I’m so excited for the next show.

In preparation, I’ve been putting together little projects for myself. I’ve been in a weird mood for the past few weeks; I have little motivation to do anything. So, I’ve been getting in the “comedy mood” which, considering the amount I perform in a week – I should always be in! The first one was to spend some time on Google reading about comedy and all the things that inspired me four years ago.

I came across Jack McBrayer’s (30 Rock) blog that he wrote during the production process for the Second City E.T.C. show “Better Late than Nader” that premiered in December 2000. It’s slightly boring, but an interesting read. As someone who’s gone through a production process for a show (and about to again), it’s interesting to read about the process in a different theater, with a different director, in someone else’s perspective.

He also deals with a lot of similar issues: writer’s block, annoyance with other cast members, and losing perspective due to stress/rigorous schedule. It’s always good to know that you’re not just crazy; it’s actually a pretty difficult thing to do! (And I mean that in a good way. A challenging schedule is the best one!) He also mentions Tina Fey and talks about her in a light of “holy shit, this person worked with Tina Fey” and it’s funny – because six to seven years later, he’d be working with Tina Fey too!

Maybe now that I wrote about Tina Fey someone will come across my blog when I’m famous and say, “Look, she always wanted to meet Tina Fey and now she’s her mistress.” Yes!

How to: MAKE OUT!

I came across the funniest how-to article today.

I typed “how to make” into Google, and was going to write, "how to make a silhouette" because I want to make these decorations for my room. Well, one of the first suggestions that came up was "How to make out". I mean, it must get typed into Google all the time if it’s coming up as one of the first possible options I’d type! Amazing.

“Making out is an American term that for young people, applies to kissing, sometimes for a long time and sometimes with passion.[1] Are you worried about getting it wrong the first time you try? Apart from the fact that kissing another person comes very naturally when you care for that person, there are some suggestions here to help you overcome the fear and be confident that you can get it right.”

So, how do you make out? Well, like this:

1. You get comfortable. “Go somewhere that you won't be bothered or stared at. But you shouldn't care if people stare or not. Make sure the place, time, and occasion are all right.” So… in front of an audience of 120 people is okay? Cause Evan and I gave them a show last night!
2. Take time.
3. Hold each other.
4. Lean in for the kiss!
5. Begin kissing.
6. Test the waters.
7. Open your lips.
8. Make it last. (With different instructions for boys and girls!
For girls only: Hold onto his head and slowly and lightly move your hands to the back of his head. Rub your hands through his hair and down his shirt. Grab his biceps if you feel confident and give it a squeeze while kissing him. Run fingers through his hair. If he doesn't have biceps, just pull yourself closer to him letting his hands wrap around your back a little more.

For guys only: Wrap your arms firmly around her and rub up and down her back (or lower back if she responds happily). Get to know her, and make sure it's what she wants to do before you get sexual, or put your hand up her shirt. It is a matter of respect when asking her how she feels. Never force anything!
9. Compliment your partner.
10. You can now make out without fear!

I think that sounds terrifyingly intimidating! If I were a teenager again and was reading that pre-kissing someone, I’d freak out! And there are even special tips – like having good dental hygiene and wearing deodorant, make a quick bathroom run, and if you have a lip ring – make sure it’s not slobbery!

So many rules!

Hopefully you all get to make out with someone! You can borrow someone from my circle of friends if you need someone to make out with sometimes for a long time... and sometimes with passion. Oh, and please remember: “Be aware that sometimes, making out can lead to other things. If you don't feel that you're ready, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and say no to anything that making out might lead to.”

Making out leads to babies. Or pizza.

Stupid Hype

(I wanna snuggle with this silhouette)

I’m the type of girl who doesn’t “buy into the hype” of things, even though very deep down I know that I probably would like whatever it is. Take, for example, Harry Potter. In 8th grade, a kid was reading it and I thought “Pfft, what a child!” Cut to years later when I showed up for many midnight movies and releases of the 5th, 6th and 7th books – which I then took time off work so that I could spend entire days reading.

And these days, it’s Mad Men. Oh, Mad Men… what you do to me! It’s sort of ridiculous how much I love it (this is like my 3rd time blogging about it), and how much it alters my life decisions. From the color of my finger nails, the make-up I put on in the morning and even the drinks I order.

Every time I walk into Goody’s, I basically don’t even need to ask for a drink. The bartender recognizes me and starts preparing my drink. I sort of wish I was kidding. I mean, in all honesty, it’s super cool to have a Cheers style relationship at my local bar, but I think it’s a little bit sad. Last night, Mike almost made my usual Captain and diet Coke until I said, “Nope, trying something different this week!” and asked for a vodka gimlet. He laughed at me, and pulled out an old-timey glass and made me a very, very stiff drink which the ladies and fellas on Mad Men would certainly approve of!

But, I’m a little put-off that my current obsession is linked in with so many other people’s obsession! It’s like I’m in love with someone, and we have this really hardcore relationship going on, and then I find out he’s cheating on me with EVERY OTHER HUMAN BEING IN THE WORLD. Don’t do this to me “Mad Men”! Don Draper, I know you’re all for adultery – but even to me?!

But, it does make it easier to get my fix. There’s a blog called “We Heart This” that is totally dorky and ridiculous (aka right up my alley) and it’s having a Mad Men-themed week. So, I’m good for the week. And don’t make fun of me if I stay in on Sunday night, relax on the couch in my Sunday best, drinking a Tom Collins and watching the season 3 premiere!

JUST ME! … and everyone else in the world.

The Kind of Mood I'm In

I’m on a mission to worry less, these days. I’ve been getting super anxious and I spend about half my day angry or ranting or worrying about something.

Fuck it. Just dance, it'll be okayyy DA DA DOOODOOOOO

Feminist?!?

Last week, I approached Evan with my new fear... that I'm becoming a feminist.

I don't think I am. But I have found myself getting more and more offended by things lately. Mainly, seeing men benefit more than women in certain situations/careers/areas of life. Also, I've taken a tiny interest in women's rights.

But, this is also coming from the girl who didn't understand a joke in the NXT show about hitting a woman because she's so used to being hit and not finding anything wrong with it. (I mean, of course there's something wrong with hitting a woman! And I'm used to being playfully hit by my friends/improvisers, not angrily by other men.)

Woops.

I'm sure I'm fine. It's OK that I look up to Tina Fey and strong, empowered females... and I can still be offended by these vintage advertisements for Pitney Bowes postage machine and Lucky Strike cigarettes without being considered a "feminist". It is kind of hilarious though! (But the problem is, they weren't meant to be!) Oh, Don Draper...

Live Blog: The NXT cook off.

Well, here we are! I'm sitting on the J. Broadway Patio waiting on Chef Passafiume and Chef Brothers to come out and present the NXT cast their 3-course meals for the great NXT cook-off! The challenge was this: two chefs, three courses, six ingredients. Chefs: Tony and Jeremy. Courses: TBD. Ingredients: balsamic vinegar (me), ketchup (Evan), spinach (Eleanor), avocado (Kirsten), nachos (Matt), chicken (Bryce), guacamole (Eleanor) and brown sugar (Scott).

Right now, Kirsten is making us tell 5 good things about this past week and one bad thing. Of course she is, she's the cheeriest. I'm afraid it's going to rain. But it's OK, because the SUMMER MIXXXXXX is on. SUMMMER MIX! Jeremy's kitchen is hot as balls and my arms look tan. Those are just facts.

FIRST COURSE:

Chef Passafiume:

Four avocados filled with a fresh and delightful pineapple guacamole, Tostitos scoops, homemade salsa served in two tomatoes. The presentation was beautiful! For someone we thought would just order pizzas for this cook off, it was quite a nice surprise. And to our surprise, it tasted delicious. The salsa was chunky and secretly spicy, but a nice kick of spice! The guacamole was really good too.

"I can't believe I'm scooping guacamole out of an avocado right now with Tostito scoops!" Matt Catanzano
"The highlight of Tony's dish is the freshness of the ingredients, the presentation, and the sweetness and freshness of the ingredients."

Ingredients used: tortilla chips, avocados, guacamole, nachos.

Rating: 25.5! (out of 5 stars, 7 judges) so, 3.5 stars

Chef Brothers:

Cheese and diced chicken in a cayenne heavy sauce, guacamole, salsa, and homemade tortilla chips. Different! Full of spice and kick and delicious! The chicken thing was my favorite.

He also sectioned off the bowls because we have a vegan and a vegitarean, aka boring people.

"The homemade chips blow my mind and can only be topped by the delicious chicken that was literally topped on them!" Matt Catanzano

Ingredients used: tortilla chips, avocados, guacamole, nachos.

Rating: 25.5 = 3.5 stars.

PRESENTATION OF THE GRADE! (by Evan Kaufman)

Tony wanted to be creative rather than put a dish in a bowl! He wanted to add his favorite fruit, pineapple, to the dish so he could share his favorite fruit with us all. Tony feels as though he should step up his game against Jeremy who is very prepared.

Jeremy says, "That was a lot of fun."

Chefs... after your first quick fire challenge, the first round... and iT'S A TIE!

Neck and necksies!

SECOND COURSE!

Jeremy: danish style meatloaf with goat cheese, a blended salad, and a toasted baguette.

Ingredients used: spinach and ketchup.

"I like that he incorporated raw food because it is a growing trend!" Eleanor
"I may have liked to actually have seen some spinach. The meatloaf was very well cooked and the goat cheese, delicious." Evan
"It was baby food." Bryce (on the salad without the baguette)
"I wouldn't mind literally taking a dip in that spinach dip, but I loathed the meatloathe." Matt Catanzano
"I think I caught up and "ketched" Jeremy not putting ketchup in his food!" Matt Catanzano

Overrall, Chef Brothers presented a really great dish! The meatloaf was a really interesting use of ketchup, and props to him for even using ketchup due to his fear of condiments (which makes my fear of eggs a little better, I think!) The goat cheese complimented the dish so well. The salad was done due to consideration for the vegans in the house (even though Eleanor did in fact try the meatloaf, she is an awful veg) and while researching vegan food, he came across it. So, I enjoyed his consideration for raw food movement and the vegans... although it wasn't my favorite thing in the world. But hey, I'm picky and I've never eaten an egg. Who am I to judge?

Evan thinks this race is tighter than a rat's vagina. Gross.

Tony, come the fuck on, we're ready for the next dish! He said it won't be ready for a while though "not an hour"... do we factor this in???

Ooh, Pretty Young Thing is on! You're such a PYT!

RATING: 3.5 stars!

Tone Loke:

First part: (we're waiting 25 minutes for part 2) sauteed spinach, sauteed mangos, sauteed onions, golden raisins, and honey roasted almonds. The kicker? "Since summer is the theme, and we talked about having sunshine as an ingredient, I put this salad into the shape of a sun!"

That one went over big with the diners. There was a big "OOOH!" How clever! Thrown in from left field and makes up for the wait!

God, it's hot in this apartment.

Ingredients used: spinach.

"All this spinach, we're all gonna get huge forearms." Matt Catanzano

FYI, I've never eaten sauteed spinach before and holy shit, it's so good. I've been missing out! The nut to fruit to spinach ratio was great.

However, what did everyone else think? Well -

"The sunshine spinach salad can only be outshone by sunshine itself. I mean, what a fun spin on spinach salad!" Matt Zatanzano.

Tony just yelled "15 MINUTES" from the kitchen! We're on like Donkey Kong! What!?

Kirsten is asking "Would you rather have eternal happiness or infinite money?"
Me: Eternal happiness.
Bryce: Eternal happiness.
Evan: Infinite money so I could have eternal happiness.

Great, negative Evan's here... following up with, "Cause how would you know you had eternal happiness because you couldn't measure it against anything if you were constantly happy?" HATE NEGATIVE EVAN! HATTTTEEEEEEEEE!!

Kirsten, "You guys want to race?" Someone's clearly bored with this cook-off.

THERE'S A RACE!

Kirsten, Scott, Matt and Bryce ran up the street and Matt won, but Scott was in the lead the whole time -- it was his sandals! Kirsten... famously lost. This is what we do. When we're bored. All the tourists thought it was the most ridiculous thing, and they actually got out of the way.

"Scott didn't leave a trace when he won our silly foot race!" Matt Catanzano

Part 2 of Course 2 --

Holy shit. This is good.

Sauteed chicken stuffed with artichokes and goat cheese and topped with a raspberry balsamic vinaigrette glaze.

Ingredients used: Ketchup (in the goat cheese/artichokes), chicken and balsamic vinegar.

The presentation was totes gorge. And it was probably the best chicken dish I've ever had.

"What a scrumptious bouquet of flavors!" Eleanor
"Tony didn't just stuff that chicken with artichoke hearts, he stuffed it with his heart." Matt Catanzano
"He removed the choke from artichoke and only left the art." Evan
"I was dazzled in the depth of the raspberry vinaigrette." Scott
"BOOM TICK! Chicken!" Kirsten

RATING: 4.5 stars!

PRESENTATION OF THE RATING!

"Tony, how did you feel about the time restraint? You served your meal in 2 halves, if you were to do it again would you get it out at the same time?" He feels at a disadvantage due to cooking at Jeremy's apartment and the one sauce pan.

"Jeremy, were you worried about the creativity of your new-age/raw offer?" He hopes not, he hopes he showed us all something new and fresh and delicious. He thought the baguette should have been used with the meatloaf as an open-faced sandwich!

Tony's theme is coming through and beating out his time issue! "Tony, you struggled to get your dishes out on time, forcing us to race up and down the streets in front of the Old North Church!"

Tony is up 1 star going into the dessert round!

GOOD LUCK CHEFS!

THIRD COURSE!

"I'd like to start off by saying I served this in a timely manner." TONY BURN!

He's got two pies for us, a mixed berry and pear pie with orange zest and nutmeg and a cinnamon crumble. Also, a considerate vegan option: a citrus salad with balsamic vinaigrette glaze.

Ingredients used: balsamic vinegar, brown sugar.

The pie was so great, it tasted like autumn - which I found very comforting. Good thing I did because Jeremy then announced, "While Tony said his theme is summer, I'm looking towards the future and thinking comfort foods and fall." Good choice, J.Broadway.

We're all eating pie, thinking about the fall and talking about Star Fox! NEVER GIVE UP! TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!

"No need for a mixed rating for Jeremy's mixed berry pie. It was "berry" delicious." Matt
"I give Jeremy's pie a 3.14. Just kidding, a 5." Evan
"Don't need to find the square root of that pie, cause I ate it so fast." Matt
"So much pressure! So much pressure!" Kirsten
"Jeremy's fall desserts didn't fall short." Scott
"Malomars are seasonal, like fruit." Eleanor (I don't really know what this quote means.)
"Jeremy's pie was the berry of my eye." Scott

Rating: 4 stars!

Oooh shittt... we're down the last hour. At least because Jeremy and I have to head to the theater for 5pm for Leather Gang rehearsal. Let's speed this up, Tone Bone!

And now, Scott and Bryce have popped their heads over the wall in Jeremy's court yard and they're singing "Row Your Boat" They're a bunch of gross idiots -- talking heads.

We also just learned that Bryce is an innie and outtie. Scott is an innie, only. "You put your finger in it and then you smell it and it smells like sumo wrestling." OK, sure.

"What's at the other end of your belly button?" "A rainbow."

Also, Scott just went through Kirsten's phone and found a "sexy picture"... it's a picture of her in a front seat of a car with cowboy boots on, showing some leg, and resting it on the glove compartment. HOT!

TONY TIME:

Mini peach pies! Peaches were boiled in brown sugar, cinnamon, apple cider vinegar and black raspberry sauce.

Ingredients used: brown sugar.

Super good! What a delightful little peach!

Eleanor: What was the origin of your dish?
Tony: Barnes and Noble.

"I don't have to mime my love for Tony's dishes." Matt
"My first meal after getting lost in a desert would be Tony's... dessert." Matt
"Tony's short cake? Nothing short of cake... tacular." Evan
"Where is Julie?" Evan
"There's no sin, oh man! In enjoying Tony's cinn-a-man." Bryce

We're discussing what the winner will win, and so far it's me giving them a bj and Kirsten giving them a handy.

Rating: 3 stars!

FINAL SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TIED! TIED! TIED! TIED! TIED! TIED!

Total for Jbro: 3.5, 3.5, 4.
Total for Tone: 3.5, 4.5, 3.

11! 11! 11!

Jeremy's thoughts on his last dish: No trouble with the pie, autumnal theme to the whole meal, the designers and the diners really enjoyed the pies. People went back for multiple slices (Bryce!) Vegan option for K-bone!

Tony, once again - making us wait. His thoughts: claimed they were pies but they were unmasked as tiny peach shortcakes. People appreciated the smaller portions after eating so much pie. One of the diners thanks him for that (Bryce!)

After a day of fabulous cooking - everyone was impressed! High expectations were lowered and low expectations were highered! Our stomachs thank you both!

Now Evan's talking about poop and it's totally gross. Unnecessary.

What an end to the perfect day! A tie! And it was totally accidental.

How do they feel about the results?

Tony: I wanted to win. But I had a lot of fun. I'm not disappointed, I thought it was awesome.
Jeremy: I don't have any thoughts.

Well, folks. That was it! The NXT Cook-Off 2009.... it's OVER!

Pictures to come!

Matt's closing statements: "You'd be a fool to take off during such a delicious NXT cook off!"
"I'm a little suspicious! That everything was so delicious!"
"The NXT cook-off came to an end just as the beautifully themed seasons of summer and fall too, come to an end."

Evan's closing: "The NXT cook-off makes me want to jerk off."

The Incredible Edible Egg (I Wouldn't Know)

Here’s a tidbit about me…

I’ve never eaten an egg.

I’ve never had a scrambled egg, egg whites, omelets, sunny side up… nothing. An egg has never been in my mouth unless it was in a baked good. And really, I don’t know why.

I know they have great health benefits. I know they’re an American staple, and an easy breakfast. And some people’s favorite snack food! My sister eats egg whites nearly every day. But I’ve never been interested.

This infuriates Evan, who thinks that the suspense would kill him… not knowing what an egg tastes like, but not even having the thought to try it.

I just don’t. I’m not a breakfast person. I don’t ever eat breakfast and if I do it’s like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or dry cereal and fruit. I should also mention right now that one of my goals in life is to open up a breakfast restaurant called “Pattycakes”. So, there’s that.

So, yeah, maybe I’ll try an egg, maybe I won’t. But really, I probably won’t at this point just to infuriate Evan even more!

Nickname Whore

So, I read a ton of blogs. I love blogs! Bloggity-blog-blog.

Today, I read a post in a blog I’m too embarrassed to share the link to, and it was about connecting with people. And the 3rd tip on it:

3) Give people a nickname. If you think someone will enjoy it, "give people flattering nicknames," says Lowndes. "It makes you memorable and, at its very least, gives you both a smile."

I DO THAT! I nickname people ALL the time! I’ll have to admit right now they’re not always flattering… But! Regardless! It’s how I connect with people. Well, sometimes it’s so that I can A. Remember them or B. talk about them secretly! (Whether good or bad)

Nicknames are fun, though. And it’s fun when people go through your phone address book and see all the weird names. Julia has like 100 nicknames (to go with her multiple personalitieS): Jules, Wolf, Gus, Gussy, Gussy Eskowitz, etc. My nicknames are Patty, Pattycakes, Patty Mayonaise, Pooh Bear (or P. Bear), etc.

When I first saw Matt Gudernatch, I used to refer to him as “babyface”. Then we became friends and he fully embraced his nickname that soon became “BFG”. Then I saw Mike who isn’t even referred to as Mike by nearly anyone anymore because they all call him by his nickname of “TDH” which stands for “tall, dark and handsome” because well, he’s tall… and dark… and handsome.

It’s a fun conversation topic and it makes people more interesting. If Ryan McFarland wasn’t referred to as “Plaid” because of his hipster, plaid shirts – how would anyone understand his hipsterness? And if I never introduced my friend “Ashley” as “Savage” – then nobody would ever say, “I’m sorry, what? Savage?” Savage is her last name, and she’s been that name forever. She was introduced to me in 7th grade as Savage, and that is how she always will be.

I’m glad I’m not just some crazy weirdo. I’m just connecting with people. :)

Future Patty.

Well, it’s August, and years ago that would mean it was back-to-school time. This year - I’ve been thinking about jobs. Where do I want to be in a year? 5 years? Where’s my life going?

Savage is moving to Washington D.C. next week. Two summers ago she interned there and I went to visit her. She loved the city and she knew it really well and it was a place I could totally picture her living in. Well, after working at a company she despised for a year, she decided to go to grad school at American University in DC. It’s going to be super exciting and totally up her alley. (And I can’t wait to visit and see if that teenage couple is STILL outside the zoo hugging!)

I’ve thought about grad school. I had every intention of taking a year off to work and then go to NYU this fall and taking part in their Magazine Writing program. But, I thought about it, and I couldn’t justify pouring money into school that guarantees me nothing. I could move to NY and work for free at magazines I was interested in and gain valuable job experience. Plus, the economy is in the dumps and would school help me at all? For my interests – I don’t think so.

It seems everywhere I turn, people are moving in the next step. They’re thinking about the future: My sister just graduated law school and has taken the bar and is moving to New York in October to start her job at the oldest law firm in America. Jess graduated Dental Hygiene school and once her wrists are in working order again, she’ll be working as a hygienist in Boston! Evan’s moving to LA to start his new life – and whether he knows what he’s going to do or not, he’s moving in a new direction at least.

I’ve been at my job for over a year and I have no intention of leaving anytime soon. I’m doing a whole lot of improv – even though I’m not making money at it. Sure, it’s a process, and I don’t do it for the money. I absolutely love it. But would I count this as taking the next step in my career? I wrote a play this year, and I’m on the NXT cast, and with Awkward Compliment we landed a weekly show. I see these all as valuable steps in my career… yet, I still can’t afford to buy drinks this week. (Note how I say “drinks” instead of things like, “groceries” or “a decent meal”)

Maybe it really needs to go down to go up. And this isn’t to say I’m unhappy – I’m extremely happy and I’m having the time of my life. But, am I being financially immature? Am I cutting myself short when I could move to New York and start my career in writing? Or, could I write from here and have fun doing improv and performing. A big fish in a small pond, as they say.

What this basically comes down to is that all I really want for the future is this: to live in the Mad Men world and to be Belle from Beauty and the Beast with that giant library. Let's go to work.

Back to College and Back Again

On Saturday night, I had one of those nights where everything just felt right again. Julia was in town, and for some reason – she just unites us all. I see all the Seriously Bent kids sparingly and when I do it’s just one or two people at a time. I feel like I never just hang out with everyone anymore – because life is too busy for me this summer.

But Saturday night, we all headed to Kelly’s apartment and since it wasn’t crazy town like it usually is – we all sat in the kitchen and played Kings. The greatest part? It was us. The gang! Trevor, Kelly, Wilson, Mandella, Julia, Bryan and I (and Mitch, but not until later). Cavan and Wilson’s lady friend was there, but it was something I’ve wanted for so long – just another night with the gang and not all the extras. It took me back to college and it felt great.

You put all of us in one room together and things get crazy. We laugh, we make fun of each other, we talk about awful things, sometimes body parts are exposed (mainly Julia’s) and things just get out of control. We’re so close and we know so much about each other – and have all the dirt – so when other people are in the room, particularly a significant other, it gets weird.

The poor lady friend – she had to sit there while all of us sat around and drank too much (Mandella and I were drinking vodka gimlets out of giant tumblers) and smoked cigarette upon cigarette (I was pretending I was on Mad Men, clearly.) And when the game got to the “Never Have I Ever” portion – everyone’s dirty laundry was aired out and I was thinking it was like an episode of some fucked up reality show.

Sometimes I think Seriously Bent is this weird cult.

It is.

But on a lighter note: Julia and I pretended to be lesbians and we got a caricature drawn of the two of us. We met in college and we did comedy together then she moved to NH and I stayed in Boston and we’re going to get married and she’s going to walk down the aisle like a snow princess with a cloak. So, basically, our actual life.