Wednesday, January 20, 2010

the Brown state?


I know nothing about politics. Not a single thing. I've never been interested in it (despite the fact I made a speech on why it's important for everyone to vote during my freshman year of college.) I guess it's because I'm ignorant. But, I know what I believe - and that's basically whatever my sister tells me. She's a lot smarter than me... which is why she's a laywer and I'm a comedian. And she knows everything about politics. So she tells me what's up. I basically do whatever Betsy, Richie's tweets and Jon Stewart tells me.

So, yesterday, when Brown won - I was disheartened because everyone was sad. Kiley was really upset, but kept saying funny things like:

"If it's Brown, flush it down."
"... I hope my uninsured ass gives your children swine flu. See you on the T."
"... and now, back to Haiti."

Then, I thought, "Let me ask Betsy what this means."

Me: So what does this mean? I don't know anything.
Betsy: Dems lose super majority in the senate. Healthcare bill won't pass and Obama will have a very very hard time being reelected. Probably won't be.
Me: Gross. So we won't have insurance anymore?
Betsy: Worse. This election gave you cancer.
Me: FUCK!
Betsy: It's just poor people and the unemployed who won't have insurance.
Me: Ooh.. am I poor?
Betsy: No, you just give all your money to support good causes... I mean Goody's. You have a job. Or that's what the Fed Ex guy tells me.

That last part was DUMB. Me and the Fed Ex guy's relationship is nowhere NEAR as strong as me and the UPS guy. Come on.

Fuck you, Mass!

Right? Was that right? Are we saying that now? Is that a thing? HELP!

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