Wednesday, March 3, 2010

advice from my three year old self.


 when i was three years old, i started dancing school.
that is a picture of me then. my very first recital.
look how happy i was!

i danced, danced and danced my heart out for twelve years. tap, jazz, ballet, gymnastics, pointe (yup, those really scary shoes that HURT) and lyrical. my favorites were tap and lyrical - although gymnastics was super fun.

i loved doing something i knew i was good at, and something i really was passionate about. nothing else really mattered (because when you're young, nothing matters) but i just got dancing. and it's something you either get or you don't. i still get it. i still can't listen to a song without coreographing a dance to it in my head. 

then, i quit. i was in high school and i started to feel self-conscious in ways i had never experienced before. it was everything. i went to dancing school and looked around me and just decided i didn't fit in with all those people and that they hated me. but, i knew i was a good dancer! and i liked doing it. then, i heard that one of the girl's in my class had talked about me in her math class. she said, "she doesn't even spot her head when she spins."

"spotting" helps you maintain balance during pirouettes. (and i did spot my head!) but anyway, what a ridiculous thing to say about someone! what a stupid thing to make fun of someone for! and what a STUPID reason to quit something! which is what i did. i just stopped showing up because someone else made me think i wasn't good at something and thought it was an appropriate thing to talk about outside of dance class.

i was 15. sometimes i still feel like i'm 15. and surrounded by 15 year olds. but, i'm not going to quit or give up this time. because, i still regret quitting something i loved so much. and i love what i do so much - that i'm just going to keep doing it. because i like it and it's fun! even though it's hard sometimes. but, when you work hard... it's more redeeming in the end.

i'm going to be that three year old version of me instead. 
with WAY too much blush on,
blue eye make-up, red lipstick
and a ridiculous bow on my head
(and low top! hello, i was 3!)
because she knew what was up!

my god, that was 21 years ago.
TWENTY ONE.
i'm old.

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