Monday, March 1, 2010

I NEED A HERO!

I am merely a weak woman. How do I expect to survive a full day in a busy office environment, or a dangerous night job as a comedian, without some serious protection? Well, fear not, dear readers. I am surrounded by HEROS. Night and day, I'm heavily protected by Boston's most famous heroic gentlemen.

Please watch the following linked videos, they're worth it.

Hero # 1. Dan Faneuf. The headline? "Actor Gets Mugged, Decides To Improvise" How did he improvise? Well, he was approached from the back by a man while he was at an ATM near his apartment in Cambridge, MA. The man held a "gun" to him in an attempt to mug him. But let me tell you something, Dan is an enormous man... and he's slightly crazy. Dan somehow turned around and beat the shit out of the guy. He severely hurt the man by pistol whipping the mugger with the mugger's own gun, while calling the cops. When the cops showed up to the scene, they weren't sure who to arrest because Dan was covered in blood, with a broken pellot gun in his hand. You don't mess with Dan Faneuf. The best part is the closing line, “We all imagine that we’d do the smart thing,” said Faneuf. “Maybe in that situation the smart thing is to give him your money." Hero.

Actually, now that I think about it, Dan has legitimately protected me before. Once, when I was managing at the Asylum, a customer was fighting with Evan and when I got involved - he said, "Shut up, you stupid bitch"  not realizing I was a manager. I came out from behind the bar, and went nuts on him - because I refused to be disrespected. Dan overheard it, stepped in, pulled me back and SCREAMED at the guy and eventually kicked him out. Another time, a customer reached into my shirt, grabbed my boob and pulled my necklace out of my cleavage. When the actors found out (thanks to Richie for reading my Facebook update!), a few actors came out to throw the guy out. Dan went crazy on the guy. And he also helped me into a cab the time I sprained my ankle at Goody's. Very good man, that Dan Faneuf.

Hero # 2. Jason Rivera. His story's less funny because Jason didn't nearly kill someone, but he did save someone from being killed! But, my favorite part of the video is how he's slightly laughing at the kind-of-crazy woman. Jason's funny. Back in December, we had to fill out these forms for our office holiday party, and one of my co-workers answered the question, "What 3 things would you want with you on a deserted island?" and she answered, "Jason Rivera." Today she im'd me with this link, and said, "You thought I was kidding, here's why!"

Jason has legitimately helped me, too. Like when light bulbs go out and I'm not tall enough to reach them! He's 8 feet tall.

I'm so glad my safety is never an issue.

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