Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Shit Treatment

Recently I've been doing an overhaul of my life. But, I have realized after 23 (almost 24) years on this Earth - I have been treating myself like shit. In a lot of different ways.

I verbally abuse myself. Countless mornings have been spent yelling at myself for all the things I can't do or don't have. I can't put an outfit together, I shouldn't have said that to whoever, I shouldn't have told everyone my personal situation, I shouldn't have blogged about that, I look like a sea monster. It got to the point that all I could think of was everyone else's opinions, thoughts and comments. Some that didn't even exist. And I just had to take their advice, and appreciate it, but still remember...

I'm not an alcoholic, I'm not a bad person, I'm not a bitch, I'm not a whore, I'm not terrible, I'm not too open, I'm not a seamonster.

I realize I'm in control of the image I put out there, so it doesn't help when I call myself a sea monster... or a whore - but I'm not going to apologize anymore for being who I am. Whether it gets me fired, doesn't get me hired, annoys people, makes you question my responsibility or dedication. I know what I'm doing and I'd like a little bit of trust!

Since March, I cut my hair, I bought new clothes (that are all too big for me now!), I've been eating better and drinking less. (And I'm 100% fine with the fact that I schedule drinks into my calorie intake when I know I'm going out. So yes, I have cut out food for liquor. No big deal.) I don't do things, or put myself in situations, that make me unhappy. I'm working on being a person that I'm proud to represent instead of apologize for all the time.

Also, I'm dating a girl.

No, not really. But Kirsten is on the prowl... so inquire within!

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