Monday, June 7, 2010

Suggestions for a Happy Life

I'm so happy!
My friends, on the other hand, want nothing to do with me.
Cavan's literally turned away from me.

Am I the happiest person in the world? Certainly not. But do I think you should take advice from me? Of course. I'm full of good ideas, and while I bounce back and forth between elated and suicial multiple times a minute... I've got happiness down to a science. I put a lot of research into the concept of happiness, and I've narrowed down my top 10 happiness suggestions. Science agrees.

1. Just go to bed at a normal hour, idiot. Sleep for eight hours on a school night (am I too old? should I be saying "work night" now that I'm 24?) and not feel like SHIT for one day in your life!

2. Go to bed with your hair wet and not worry about blow drying, products, perfecting, pinning, or anything else. Just wash, towel dry, hit the pillow. And then go to bed at a normal hour, idiot.

3. Don't pressure your friends. When they snap at you, you'll cry. Who wants to cry? Don't pressure your friends.

4. Watch Mad Men. Then call up a friend who likes to drink (and if you don't have any... then get a life) and go to a hotel bar and drink something old-fashioned. Like, say, an Old-Fashioned.

5. Dress nice and create a personal style of your own. So that when you go to a store, you'll say, "Oh, that's very me." And then when other people go to a store and see the same thing they'll say, "That's very Patty." Unless your name isn't Patty, like mine is. They'll say your name in my name's place.

6. Stay out late (every now and then) and think, "LIFE'S SHORT!" You'll hate your life the next day, but at least you have all those memories. Such as occasional drunken sex, vomiting in various places, pizza you shouldn't have consumed... all those memories.

7. Spend too much money on complicated Starbucks drinks. You can't deny how cool you look.

8. Sit outside in the sun. Ignore the sun block and get some color. Or put on some sunblock and just feel the warmth. You'll be a good-happy-tired by the end of the day, with the most adorable rosy cheeks. Or you'll look like a lobster. (I have red hair and I'm Irish... it happens)

9. Find a company that endorses flip cup at company parties. Or multiple rounds of tequila shots to close down the night. (These are characteristics of two different companies I work for.)

10. Be a nice person. People will be nice to you. And you'll find life to be a lot more rewarding. But gossip is cool, too. Just be nice to people's faces!

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