Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Love and Marriage.

I’m not getting married. I’m not even close. I’m still young, I drink too much most week nights, I wake up with slices of pizza in my bed {ok, that happened once...} and I have terrible taste in men. But sometimes, I think about getting married. Certainly not for the marriage aspect, that’s terrifying. But I think of the actual wedding day. If my future husband is reading this, please know this day will be all about me. But trust that our wedding will be awesome.

I don’t know what it is about Motown that makes me think of weddings. Is that a thing? Do people play Motown at their weddings? I’m used to hearing “Unchained Melody” as wedding songs and Lady Gaga for dancing. But rest assured, there will be so much Motown played at my wedding that you won’t stop singing “Tears of a Clown” for years. Years. You’ll be dancing to so much Michael Jackson that very soon, you won’t know how to dance to anything else because it just doesn’t feel right.

I want to give a speech to myself. I don’t trust any maid of honor or best man to speak on behalf of my husband and I. What if they’re not funny enough? Granted, I have a lot of funny friends. But I don’t want them to embarrass me at my own wedding. I’m the only person who can embarrass me! So get ready for an awkwardly hilarious speech about all the awful things I had to go through to get to that day.

I will have someone roll down a red carpet for an aisle. That “someone” will be Matt and Casey. But they’ll do hilarious bits while they’re unrolling the carpet. They’ll be yelling at each other, and tripping over the carpet, all while looking handsome, and nobody will know if they’re serious or not. No, guests, it’s not serious.

And of course, our first dance as a married couple will be an elaborate tap dance which ends with 14 fireworks and a water fountain show.

OK, that last part was a joke. Except the elaborate tap dance part. That is 100% serious.


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