Tuesday, October 19, 2010


In high school, I was depressed. I was a teenager and I didn’t know anything about life! So I went and saw a therapist and then I went to college, and then I slowly – but surely – worked it all out. But I learned that the root of everything was my own perception of myself. I wasn’t bullied – I was bullying myself! What a stupid thing to do, right?
Over the weekend, a couple of my friends were teasing me. It was really overwhelming to me at the time. I get teased a lot, and I’m usually pretty OK with it. I’m surrounded by boys! Haha, I’m a whore! Haha, I can’t even get homeless men to date me! Hahahaha. Bits! At the time though, I just sorta sat in silence, took it, then went home and spent three hours wallowing in my bed. I’m pretty pissed about that – because I wanted to go to the Gap and the weather was beautiful and it would have been an opportune time to squeeze in some yoga. But instead, I cried and napped away the sad.
I woke up and I got mad at myself. Like, “C’mon Patty! You have to handle this! You are supposed to be called gross and be totally ok with it!” Except… that’s not healthy at all. I’m a human. I’m pretty much allowed to feel a little bit offended when one of my friends – specifically ones I’ve gone out of my way to help or support - gang up on me and make fun of me! They were just being jerks for no reason. Because it made them laugh and it made me feel dumb – good for them!
So, I snapped out of it because I realized the following things:
- The only reason they do it is because I do it to myself. Not cool. It’s not cool that I treat myself poorly (like I did back when I was a dumb teenager!) and it’s not cool for them to do it. But maybe if I respect myself, other people will follow. 

- That I’m totally allowed to be human (and a girl!) and feel human and girly emotions. I have a thick skin, if a stranger says anything to me – whatever. Who are they? They don’t know my life! I’m from Everett and I will cut them. But it shouldn’t be suggested that people should have a thick skin to protect them from their friends!

- Don’t waste perfectly good Sundays feeling bad for yourself. If you're going to feel bad for yourself, at least get things done in the process.

- I'm so fresh and I can't help it.

- And finally, OMG I’m a girl! I think I’m a boy so often, that it’s kinda nice to be a girl and own up to it! Who wants to drink wine and sing Celine Dion with me?

No comments:


Related Posts with Thumbnails