Friday, October 8, 2010

Safe Television

At work, we have a TV in the lobby. We used to keep it on VH1 and MTV all the time - but it was dumb. All of that stuff is dumb. Those stupid afternoon dating shows are terrible. So then we made a slideshow of our work. And again, that was boring. It just flipped through work we've done and I've had guests and visitors comment on how boring it was all the time.
I switched to CNN... everyone in the office immediately fell asleep. Or felt sad about their lives because some neighborhood was burnt down by some Spanish drug dealer. Wait, was that "Weeds"? I can't tell the difference these days.

So, I put it on whatever channel "Ellen" is on... ABC? Well, later in the day ABC turns into soap operas... which is basically softcore porn.

I put it on BET (jokingly) and "Sister, Sister" was on. It was all safe and fun until another show came on and people were ripping each other's clothes off and exploring each other's bodies! And it wasn't even Roger and Tamera!

Then I put it on TLC. What's not safe about The Learning Channel? A channel meant for education and learning! Like how to say yes to a dress and what not to wear... but then, oh I forgot about this... the birth stories. I turned around at one point, and saw a baby crawling out of someone's vagina. No, thank you.

I switched to ABC Family. Co-workers, visitors and guests - you're going to have to deal with "What I Like About You" playing on loop. Except this morning, when I realized the 700 Club plays during the day - pushing religion on to all of us.

So now I'm trying to see how Nickelodean is going to find a way to make Dora the Explorer NSFW. She  better not have sex with that back pack. Actually... that might make my day more interesting.

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