ROCKSTAR!

January 2008. Exactly two years!

Over the past few months, I’ve done my share of college shows. But last night I was super excited to do a show at Suffolk University! I went to school there, so going back as a “professional” performer felt pretty cool. Especially when I ran into people I worked for during my freshman year in the theater department, now I’m getting paid to perform on the stage, not hang up posters in the sign box for other people performing on the stage.

Seriously Bent opened for us, and it was just two years ago that I performed with them on the stage, too. What a weird little moment. It was good seeing everyone I love opening for us, and then doing a jam with us in the end. Even though I perform with most of them in the House Teams, I like pretending I'm still on Seriously Bent sometimes. But, I'm not. I'm old.

I liked walking through the school knowing people, passing former classrooms, knowing where to go and... well, quite frankly, feeling like a rockstar.

But, now I'm back at my day job listening to Backstreet Boys on my iPod and assisting the movement of vending machines. What a life.

what's your signature look?

Rcently, one of my best friends (not from the improv circle) went to see the mainstage show at IA. I wasn’t there, so afterwards I asked her about the show. She tried her best to explain who she liked but found it hard to describe the guys. Eventually, we got it down to:

“The guy with the glasses!” = Richie
“The other guy…” = Brian (Well, I did an impression of his voice and she said “YES!”)
“The tall, blonde guy” = Dan
“The short one” = Tony

And the girls were easier, because there were only two of them. And it’s easier to decipher them all in comparison to the other. Especially Kiley, as she’s the only blonde! And that’s her signature look. She also has a nice personal style in general. And Richie’s always easy, because he’s got the glasses.

All this has me thinking about my signature look. When people walk away from a show that I’m in – they can always point out who I am. I’m the red head with glasses! However, that only matters in the NXT, because I’m the only girl in every other troupe. That makes it even easier (or worse, if I have a bad show) to notice me. Apparently, my boots also get me noticed. At least, I’ve got that from AC and Leather Gang shows.

I think it’s important to have your own signature thing...

It helps Catanzano and Casey that they look like vampires.

 It helps Evan that he has the energy of a puppy on stage

(and the longest face in the world!)

It helps Trevor that he’s a manatee.

 It helps Matt that he has a baby face.

And it helps Kirsten that she’s a lesbian!

There are a lot of people I work with that have unique looks – and not even in an ugly way. Because there are also a lot of “unique looks” that just mean they’re different and ugly. But not in this case!

But then there's me... red hair, glasses and NEVER KEEPING IT TOGETHER.

"Gigi, you're not at all that funny, awkward little girl I knew..."

I don't watch a lot of movies, but for some reason I've watched GiGi three times over the past two days.

Maybe it's the fact that she's a lower class child being trained to be a courtesan by her grandmother and her aunt. And then she falls in love with Gaston - a slightly older Parisian millionaire, who falls in love with her first. And before all that love stuff, they were like brother and sister. He would visit Gigi and her grandmother as a way to relax from his overactive social life. Then he realized he was in love with her and worked out a "business deal" with her grandmother to take Gigi on as his mistress. But Gigi, knowing that being his mistress meant sleeping with him in exchange for a beautiful, upper class and VERY public lifestyle, turned it down - even though she loved him. Then, eventually, she came around and said she'd do it because she wanted him in her life. Then, he realized he couldn't do that to her - he loved her too much - so he immediately asked for her hand in marriage after the first night of having her as his lil' prostitute.

So creepy and so beautiful!

But it's also the accents, the songs, the fashion, the attitudes, the scenery, the... everything.

I want to be French!

where are you Patty?

I’ve had a pretty rough month. And I’m not just saying that… like, “FML, my life sucks! I can't find my new saddle shoes!” I’ve gone through the worst thing I’ve ever had to go through in my life (so far) and it has had affected my emotional/physical state more than I thought it would.

In the past few weeks; I’ve slept very little, cried more times than I can count on my hands (I don’t cry that often otherwise), been totally paranoid and on edge and way more apologetic than usual… and I don’t even have a ton of improv anymore to distract me. So my nights, for the most part, have been spent holed up in my room miserably.

Luckily, this week has been better. I’ve been less in my head. I’ve drank enough to put me to sleep (yes, that’s what it takes now.) I’ve hung out with friends. And I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

However, the one thing that has been helpful for me is writing a new blog post every day. I feel like a part of me is lost, some aspects of my personality have just been missing and it has made me feel completely useless. Doing my one improv show a week, writing blog posts and even hilarious BBM chats make me feel creative and funny again. I’ve also started writing bits and pieces of SOMETHING every day – funny songs, sketches, pieces of a novel… so; it’s great to know Patty is still in there somewhere.

Oh, and entire bottles of wine (Good Pinot Grigio) and raspberry martinis from Silvertone also help. Thanks, Steve! And thanks everyone, for being great!

Family Dinner night. . .

Once a month, the gang gets together for Family Dinner Night. It’s generally held at a different person’s house every month – so this time, Matt and Casey held a potluck. We trekked out to Medford on a rainy Monday night to enjoy each other’s company.

Or, to make fun of each other and have my FACE BIT OFF BY THEIR STUPID CAT.

errr. Imma bite yer earrrrr

Just kidding! I love their stupid cat. Even though, the first thing she does when I walk in is attack my wrist looking for my hair tie. Then, she climbed on my shoulder repeatedly and bit my cheek, my head and my ear.

Matt whipped out some Mario Kart, and then said, “The benefits of being in a troupe with all guys!” But little did he know, I love video games. And I actually enjoy watching them be played. But… I have a history with Mario Kart.

Once upon a time, 5 of 6 years ago, Savage and I played Mario Kart against each other. But, it was the battle one on N64 – with the balloon popping. Catch my drift? Anyway, this story ends with Savage popping one of my virtual reality balloons, and me stuffing a real life pillow in her face and suffocating her. No big deal.

I’m hardcore about my video games. I spent an entire summer locked in front of the TV playing ‘Grand Theft Auto” except, while I did finish the game… I generally spent most of the time picking up hookers and going on murdering sprees with weapons acquired through cheat codes.

Wow, I paint myself like a guy a lot. I’m also very girly. Just last week I cried over emotional, personal stuff! And I spent the weekend watching French musicals! And I spent over $100 to get my hair done! If that’s not girly, then I don’t know what is!

Yesterday, (according to my head)

There has been a theme in TDH (Mike) and I's friendship where he'll always say, "We should hang out this weekend." or "We should go see a movie!" and then, when the weekend comes around he either doesn't reach out to me or says, "Can I get a rain check?" So yesterday, when I received a BBM from him, I was quite surprised!

TDH: What are you up to? Want to see a movie?
Me: Sure, which one?
TDH: It's Complicated would be a guilty pleasure for me...
Me: Yes!!

Movie chosen. No rain checks. Time to get ready.

(On the other side of the city)

Dan: What are you doing today?
TDH: Going to the movies with Patty.
Dan: Oh, what time?
TDH: Like 4ish.
Dan: What are you seeing?
TDH: It's Complicated.
Dan: Great, I'll be there. 

(Back to the North End)

Oh, hello Starbucks. I'm going to sit in here and watch "30 Rock" and "Project Runway". Hope you don't mind! Oh, who's texting me?

Dan: I'm crashing your movie date with TDH. Except I don't think we should see It's Complicated, we should see Legion, Daybreakers or Book of Eli.

I look up all the trailers. At least 2 of them scared the shit out of me. So, "Book of Eli" it is.

Me: Book of Eli, I hate scary movies.
Dan: Great, it's playing at 5 o'clock! Meet you there!

TDH to me: Sorry, Dan wanted to come. Rain check on "It's Complicated"?

Somehow... despite the fact that we finally followed through with plans... I STILL managed to get rain checked by TDH.

Forever One of the Guys

(Matt, Matt and Vince)

In my daily life, I'm "one of the guys". I joke around, I make awful jokes about myself and people around me... which I guess is a very "guy" thing to do.

So, I sort of appreciate that I can carry that into my day job. The fact that I'm kind of a guy.

There is a core group of "funny" guys (the above picture is of some of them singing "Baby Got Back" at the holiday party, then had the DJ rick roll us so they ended up signing "Never Gonna Give You Up"... it was amazing) And I can make jokes with the best of them. So I appreciate IM conversations filled with ongoing bits that end with:

"Well, this was an interesting conversation... sort of like improv ... except we all know for it to REALLY be improv, it would have had to be condensed to a 30 second bit and include Ryan Styles."

And then when I laugh, for it to be followed up with: "yes! improv people always like a good Whose Line is it Anyway jab! EF YOU DREW CAREY! EF YOU!"

Ah, improv humor.

Uncle Creepstache...

This is Brian.

We call him "Dog."

Cause once, when I was drunk, I was on Matt's GChat

and accidentally wrote, "dBd" instead of "BdB"

So, we said it stood for "Dog BiDello"

And he's also a dog trainer.

And he has a jacket that says "DOG" on it.

Basically, there are many reasons we call him Dog.

Even though, when I think about it

He's the only guy on AC who treats me like a girl.

He even opens the door for me when I get in the car!

Like, who does that anymore?

Casey and Matt usually push me out of cars.

So I think everyone else is actually a dog.

Anyways,

the reason for this post

was to say "Look at DiBello's pube beard!"

My day needs no introduction, Your day don't even function.

I was stressed at work today. Like, super stressed. Like, "If one more person comes to me with a question, I'm gone." stressed. But now I'm over it. Because Roberto and I went on a coffee and cupcake date.

(The cupcake wasn't good and they made my coffee wrong, but eh - what are you gonna do?)

And then I saw this picture I took on Matt's profile and thought it was hilarious...

.. and FML. I like cats now.

"It's always something"

The summer I decided, "Man, I really want to do comedy" it started from reading the book "Live from New York". At first it was just a love of Tina Fey, but then I read about all the other women on SNL and there really were a few gems. I liked Jane Curtain for wanting to do what she wanted and nothing else - and she was talented enough so when she fought with Lorne Michaels and hated everything about the men's behavior, he kept her anyway and let her get what she wanted.

But mainly, I loved loved loved Gilda Radner. Of course, she was funny and she sounded adorable, and she actually had great relationships with everyone on the show. She got a good amount of stage time and her attitude seemed a lot like, "I'm having fun. This is fun. I'm surrounded by funny people. I'm going to do this until it's not fun anymore."

But it was this story from Alan Zweibel that really won me over:

"Well, you know what it was? It was an unusual sort of meeting in the sense that Lorne Michaels had this meeting up in his office. Everybody got together for this first time and he was going to tell us about this brand new show that was going to premiere in October. And so, there were writers there whose work I had admired for years. And I saw Belushi there and Ackroyd and Chevy and all these people were real funny. I was just out of college and I was real nervous. Real, real nervous. I knew these guys were good and I felt like a fraud and I didn't want to be exposed, so what I did was I went in the corner of Lorne's office and he had a big potted plant there, and I basically hid behind a plant during this meeting where everybody was supposed to tell their ideas for sketches and commercials parodies for this new show. I was hiding behind the plant, trying to remain somewhat inconspicuous when I heard this girl's voice talking through the plant from the other side to say, "can you help me be a parakeet?" And I looked up and parted the leaves of this plant and I look through and it was Gilda. She was standing and I was squatting behind and she was looking down and me. I say, "what?" and she said, "yeah, I think it could be really funny if I stood on a big perch and I sort of squished up my face and squawked like a parakeet, but I need a writer to help me figure out what the parakeet should squawk," and she says, "can you write some squawks for me?" And I had no idea what the hell she was talking about, but at least somebody was talking to me so I said, "yeah, you bet, I'm a great squawk writer." I didn't know what I was talking about, and basically she was as nervous and as scared as I was and she joined me behind the plant. We spent most of the meeting behind the plant, just sort of talking and at one point Lorne called on me to tell everybody what my ideas were and I got real tongue-tied and I was real nervous, so Gilda stood up and she addressed the room and presented her parakeet idea as mine and told everyone that I have lots of other ideas and she and I are going to work on them like a team. That's how we met.

I just thought, "What? I don't get it!" Who in the world, especially a woman, would be that selfless? Who, nervous as she was, nurtured someone else's nerves and helped them out by GIVING THEM CREDIT for her ideas. It blows my mind. The comedy world is a man's world, and she was just happy to be there, so she easily handed her ideas off so long as she got to be a part of them.

It's inspiring. I wish I had the same generosity as her. But I just... don't.

I say things like, "I paint my face to look like a porcelain doll when I rape people. Which I don't do... every Saturday night."

No, I'm going to start thinking "What would Gilda Radner do?" every now and then because I think "What would Tina Fey do?" a lot and well, I think we just might be on the same wave length of awfulness. (In a good way!)

just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

“There is no point at which you can say, "Well, I'm successful now. I might as well take a nap."”

I've thought a lot about this today.
In these next few weeks doing less improv -
(even though it's only been like two days)
I've realized how important it is in my life.
Maybe it's making me both sane and insane at the same time.
But right now, I see it like this...

I don't want there to EVER be a top.
I want to keep climbing.

I also want a million bucks.
And a puppy.
And unlimited Starbucks refills.

I'm full of wants.

the Brown state?

I know nothing about politics. Not a single thing. I've never been interested in it (despite the fact I made a speech on why it's important for everyone to vote during my freshman year of college.) I guess it's because I'm ignorant. But, I know what I believe - and that's basically whatever my sister tells me. She's a lot smarter than me... which is why she's a laywer and I'm a comedian. And she knows everything about politics. So she tells me what's up. I basically do whatever Betsy, Richie's tweets and Jon Stewart tells me.

So, yesterday, when Brown won - I was disheartened because everyone was sad. Kiley was really upset, but kept saying funny things like:

"If it's Brown, flush it down."
"... I hope my uninsured ass gives your children swine flu. See you on the T."
"... and now, back to Haiti."

Then, I thought, "Let me ask Betsy what this means."

Me: So what does this mean? I don't know anything.
Betsy: Dems lose super majority in the senate. Healthcare bill won't pass and Obama will have a very very hard time being reelected. Probably won't be.
Me: Gross. So we won't have insurance anymore?
Betsy: Worse. This election gave you cancer.
Me: FUCK!
Betsy: It's just poor people and the unemployed who won't have insurance.
Me: Ooh.. am I poor?
Betsy: No, you just give all your money to support good causes... I mean Goody's. You have a job. Or that's what the Fed Ex guy tells me.

That last part was DUMB. Me and the Fed Ex guy's relationship is nowhere NEAR as strong as me and the UPS guy. Come on.

Fuck you, Mass!

Right? Was that right? Are we saying that now? Is that a thing? HELP!

Birthday SHH

On Sunday night, IA had its last show for 6 weeks. It just so happened to the grad show, “Birthday SHHH”, and it was fucking hilarious. I had to use “fucking” to get across the point of how FUNNY IT WAS.

I thought about the grad shows of the past few years (I’ve seen about 10, including my own) and what the formula is for a really good grad show: a stellar cast, tremendous talent, and of course – the House Teams.

When I graduated, I had zero performance experience. None. I attended class every Monday – learned what I could about stage presence and performing, but once the grad show hit – it was the scariest night of my life (and BEST!) Thanks to the House Teams, there’s less pressure because most people have already been on stage and they know a thing or two.

And wow, I can’t believe I graduated in 2006. That was over three years ago. And, the time after the grad show (from November to March) was the longest time I ever spent away from improv. I’ve been performing consistently since March 2007. Huh… I should probably step up my game.

THEN (my very first class, 2006, pre-performing):

NOW (corporate show cast, 2010, paid performing!):


Anyways, this grad show was particularly amazing. I was so happy for everyone. I perform with Kelly and Trevor all the time but I felt like a proud parent watching them graduate! And it was so fun to see the other guys, who I’ve become great friends with, join the league of alumni on the House Teams. It seems like just a year ago they were in Levels 2 and 3… oh, because they were. That’s a fact.

The talent bar has been raised TREMENDOUSLY over the past year or two, and that’s both a terrifying and awesome thing. Everyone has to be on their toes and really want this – because there are so many in the pool and it’s a lot easier to drown.

On that light note, congrats Birthday Shh! And congrats to Jeremy, who had a smile on his face the whole time (and there have definitely been some other facial expressions during grad show processes) and who put on yet another fantastic show.

"and it was at that moment that I knew we'd be friends forever"

An evening of 35 apps and 592348 beers at Red Sky: (those numbers may be a little off)

Me: OH MY GOD. I'm in heaven. This a mix of 2 of my favorite songs! (There was a mash-up of "Billie Jean" and "No Diggity")

Gudernatch: If it was "Party in the USA" and "All The Things She Said" then it'd be a mixture of my 2 favorite songs.

later. . .

Me: I don't like that Tik Tok song. Maybe I don't get it, but I don't understand why anybody would want to sleep with someone only if they LOOKED like McJagger. I mean, I get sleeping with McJagger, but not some random old dude.

Gudernatch: You're right... you DON'T get it.

I've said it before
and I'll say it again...
My friends are dicks.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

the thing about being young

I've started to ease back into drinking. And by "ease back" I mean overcompensate for all the drinking I took a break from. God damnit.

And I've chose the wrong people to get back into it with. Sure, I'll go out for a drink after the Midnight Show. Oh no, it's last call and everyone's getting 3 drinks, I guess that's what I have to do. Except that I can't drink 3 drinks in 10 minutes. Especially beer.

Then... get this... they wanted to go out MORE! Did they not realize it was 2:15am?!?!?! TWO FIFTEEN IN THE A.M! And they wanted to go to some bumpin' house party where more and more beverages would be consumed with no end time in sight!

It was just too overwhelming so I had to turn down the late night debauchery. But yet, I still had a good amount of drinks, enough to make me hate myself in the morning and force myself back to sleep until 1pm in lieu of going outside in the gorgeous 50 degree weather.

And now I'm thinking... maybe I need to actually ease back into the game. Maybe I should start slow and never drink so much that I can't even wash my face because I'll probably manage to kill myself while doing it.

And eventually I did make it out to enjoy the gorgeous weather... I walked all the way down the street and into a Starbucks where I sat and watched TV for a little while.

I'm growing up!!!!!

Something Wicked Pissah This Way Comes... ?

Apparently, there are zombies coming and if I don't fight them, everyone will defriend me on Facebook.

These notifications are stupid.

STUPID!

Awkward Compliment Relief Fund?

Yesterday, Matt had the idea of donating all the proceeds of our show to the World Food Programme for Haiti relief. We all thought it'd be a nice gesture, because generally we're all assholes. I mean, we're still assholes - but at least we were making an effort and playing our part in the world.

We got to the show, and the theater was being occupied by some party of people watching "Some Like It Hot". Woops. So, the theater had to set up the Museum of Bad Art for a show. It took some maneuvering - unscrewing light bulbs, setting up enough seats, singing to the audience so there'd be some house music (No, but I wish.) But, eventually we had a space to perform in that was worthy.

We had a packed house of 30 people (the space is very small, so it's a big deal for its size!) and we made somewhere around $150. The theater usually takes a very small cut of what we earn - but they said we could keep the whole thing because we were bumped from our space. So our profit was larger - and it sort of made us all sigh and say, "So.. much... money."

Cut to later at the Diva Lounge:

Matt: So... what would you guys think... if we kept some of the Haiti money?
DiBello: No!
Matt: All right, but look at it this way, the theater was going to take a portion of it anyway! So, we can keep that. And give the rest to Haiti!
Casey: Yeah, I mean, what would this money buy anyway? A brick?
Matt: Well, it would probably save like 4 people. But it could also get us one ticket to Chicago.
Patty: Well, we don't have a plane to fly it to Haiti!
Mark: No, we can't do that! YOU were the one who suggested this.
DiBello: That is fucking with karma, I don't want to fuck with karma.
Matt: But these people didn't even come for Haiti! No one cared about Haiti! I hosted and people were laughing, I was funny - then I said we raised $150 for Haiti and they were like "Uh, ok, can we see improv now?" And be honest with me, what would you be more upset about? Haiti or if we went to Mike's and they were all out of beer and all of Somerville was out of beer and we had to go home after the show?
Casey and Me: (hesitantly) That Mike's was out of beer..
DiBello: You better give that money to Haiti.


Of course we gave the money to Haiti.

Uh, right Matt? Matt? You better not be on vacation right now! If you are, it better be in Haiti.


p.s. For those of you who have reached out to me making sure we DID actually donate. We did! Of course we did! We gave it to some guy named Haiti Letterman.

Hell House

I grew up Catholic. I went to church every Sunday (so, maybe I fell asleep and snored too loud once... and maybe I giggled too much during the "moment of silence"... and maybe once I stole a song book so I could practice them on my new Recorder) and also CCD. I was baptized, received Holy Communion and was confirmed in the same church. As I got older, I sort of fell out of touch with it. My mom stopped going and so did we.

I never questioned whether I was Catholic or not. I didn't think not going to church made me less Catholic. But then, when I got Confirmed, things started to turn for me. I didn't like the bibles we were given, which said things like: ABORTION! THE NEW HOLOCAUST! and basically said to have interventions with your homosexual friends and to stop being friends with people of other religions. It was very close-minded and hate-filled. I didn't like that.

Last night, I watched the documentary Hell House and it just further fueled my disgust. I know that churches who do hell houses are extremists - but it's just so awful. I never went to a Hell House and yet I somehow learned how to make the right and wrong decisions. (Shut up.) And when I DON'T make the right decisions... I don't blame Satan, and I certainly don't blame God for my suffering - I blame it on the al-al-al-alcohol.

I have nothing wrong with religion, nothing at all. But, I do have something with stereotype-based, unnecessary hate and trying to convert people using scare tactics. If you go to a rave, you're not automatically going to get raped, and if you do - you won't automatically kill yourself. If you're gay, you're not DEFINITELY going to get AIDS - and you certainly shouldn't be scared of going to hell for it. I find it hard to believe anyone will go to hell for being honest about who they are.

Damnit, why can't everyone just be accepting? Without the gays, there'd be no Liza Minelli, and that's just a world that I do not want to live in.

In other news - what's the deal with bi-sexuals? Man, I hate them.

bye bye vacation!

well, my vacation is coming to a close. it's been real.
Banjo thought so, too. (see above)
it actually has felt like longer than just a week, which is great.
and it's not so bad -
i go back for two days then get three days off.

here's what i accomplished:

final NXT show
final House Team show
(both for a few weeks...)
manicure/pedicure at Melt
corporate show at Mohegan Sun
outlet shopping in Kittery
watched Cabaret & Funny Girl (loved both)
SLEPT!
fell in love with Percosets
got a library card
wrote a lot.
saw the Harry Potter exhibit at the Museum of Science.
and... ultimately, relaxed.

I got a lot of friend time in. I had a lot of fun. I set a lot of new goals for myself for the year. (Mainly I'm shooting for less panic attacks and better decision making.)

Also, leaving my phone out on tables less when Brian O'Hara is around so less of this happens:

"Patty Barrett needs a dick ASAP, message me fellas! I WANT IT BAD!"

*big sigh*

Rockstar Monday.

Last night, a few of us from IA did a show at Mohegan Sun in the awesome Cabaret theater. There was a huge gold lame curtain and it felt like we were performing in "Cabaret". Mainly that's because the theater name and my sudden addiction to the musical. God damnit, why can't I be Liza Minelli?

Oh, because I'm sane. Still. As of now.

Anyway, there were some cool people who signed the autograph wall. Mainly second rate comedians and musicians. A lot of American Idol finalists (didn't see any winners...). But I was excited about Kristin Chenowith! (Wicked!)

And now, us!

We're famous!

Chicago.

Today I thought, "Hm, I'm going to dedicate this day to paying bills and gaining control of my finances."

... then I booked a trip to Chicago. Woops.

But I need to! I can't believe I even thought for a second that I wouldn't go to Chicago. I go every single year and it's the most fun weekend ever. Plus, I won't be having rehearsals for a while and I'll need something to do to fill my weekend time. And I know that if everyone was there and I wasn't - I would hate it.

And this year, we've got so many people on Team Former Seriously Bent. Mitch, Nick Wilson, Nick Mandella, Julia, Me... possibly Dan and Tony. And, what if Evan comes? Oh boy, what if Evan comes again!? And Alison will be there working it, and probably making me do stuff for her. Man, life will just be great.

It always is. Minus the fact it'll be like 0 degrees. I'll still be with my favorite people in the world, seeing awesome improv shows in addition to Seriously Bent perform (Messing with a Friend, Second City) and probably other shows like whatever Jeremy wants to see at Steppenwolf and the Neo-Futurists. Plus, there's bars and jazz clubs and the drinking we do. It's the stupidest weekend of the year.

Oh well. Goodbye $300, hello a fun weekend in a fun city!

5 things! 5 things! 5things5things5things.

1. I'm on vacation (starting last Thursday). So far, it hasn't been much of a vacation as I've been stressed/worried/in pain -- but now, I'm good! I'm ready for a few days of re-charging my batteries and getting my life back on track.

2. Percosets are awesome. I understand why people become drug addicts. I took some yesterday, and immediately felt the pain lift away... and then I passed out. They basically just made me sleep all day long and go to bed early. But, I get nervous when I take prescribed pain medication. Last time, I had a weird reaction to OxyContin when I got my wisdom teeth removed - so I switched to Advil immediately. What can I say? I'm from Everett. Addiction is part of the lifestyle.

3. Tonight and Tuesday night are my last nights of shows at IA for weeks! I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Luckily, I have shows on Thursdays - but I've been spoiled rotten with 3 shows a week, I don't know how to handle it. I will probably just throw free shows in front of my apartment on Sunday and Tuesday evenings. My two-woman show with the Blanket Lady.

4. I'm still being an asshole on a MacBook at Starbucks.

5. I watched Ghosts of Girlfriend's Past last night (sort of, I kept falling in and out of sleep... because of the percosets, not just because it was awful) and Mike was in it so much. I loved it! I watched it with my friend and her boyfriend, and her boyfriend kept saying, "I can't believe you know him!" I felt a little bit cooler. Except I was drooling. The drool took away from the cool factor a little bit.

Dear Patty,

Hi dear. How are you? Shut up.

So, you've had a rough week. Maybe even a TWO rough weeks. The new year has been a little... off-kilter. So, maybe you should take that into consideration?

I know you LOVE to get angry and that kicking and screaming and swearing under your breath helps the situation a lot - but don't go kicking things. The toe of your boots are not made of steel. Unfortunately. Also, when you roll a recycling bin over your toe... it will hurt. And only makes you unable to walk. So - be careful, because you're just making your life even more annoying.

And, also, get out of your head.
This is your last week of shows for a while, so make them good.
Don't do bad improv.
Your life isn't in shambles.

Stop being a prick.

Comb your hair.

Love,
Patty

i don't know much, but I do know this --

last night, the NXT* went out for dinner.
we all auditioned for Second City cruise ships
(which we won't find out about for months!)
so to take our minds off of it all -
we ate dinner together.
THEN, we saw Sherlock Holmes!

we were the cutest,
most romantic group of people.
i liked all of it.
every last bit.

except when Kirsten would hug me and whisper things like,
"I want to put sandpaper inside of you"
she's the grossest lesbian I know.

(the NXT is including Matt's awesome girlfriend, Renee! And Jeremy for the movie! And not including Dave Boz or Eleanor.)

Full of special skills!

I don't have an acting resume.

Frankly it's because I don't act in things. I've never done straight theater, I've only ever done comedy. Mainly in one place, which is the only place I've auditioned for. So I never thought to make one... at least not yet.

But today I was asked for one (for two different reasons!) and I thought "Should I have one!?" So I just freaked out and messaged Matt Catanzano. I asked if he had a comedy resume, and he laughed at me and said he had an "Acting Resume" (Fine. I don't know things.) And then he sent me a sample to look over.

Whoa.

I haven't done nearly enough to justify having a resume. He's done all sorts of things - TV, commercials, theater, voice over work, etc. Everything I do is at one theater!

So I decided to make up for my lack of EVERYTHING ELSE in the Special Skills section. So far, I have:

Improvisation, Sketch Comedy, Writing, Musical improv, Dancing (tap, lyrical, jazz), Falling, Loyalty (see above), Boiling Water, Keepin' It Together, Sometimes Not Keepin' It Together, Using Scissors Correctly, Framing Pictures, Playing Michael Jackson, Channel Surfing, Reading, Texting, Nicknaming People, Eating Grapes, Drinking Alcohol, Traveling, Typing 100wpm (which is true actually... thanks Mavis Beacon), Oregon Trailing and Subscribing to Magazines.

I think I'll surely get hired for any acting job NOW!

P.s. A lot of my friends auditioned for a slot in the Boston Second City show today! Wish them luck! Right now. At your desks at work, while walking the street... just take a moment to say out loud, "GOOD LUCK!" and hope it reaches their ears somehow.

Constant Movement.

I started this blog two years ago.

I started this as a senior in college wanting to write a blog, wanting to be in comedy and wanting to be taken seriously. And here I am today... writing a blog while in comedy and still wanting to be taken seriously.

A lot has happened in that two years. And I sort of can't believe the situation I'm in right now that I wouldn't even be close to being in two years ago.

... because a lot can happen in two years.

You can have a whole different group of friends, a different career, a different hair color, a new favorite TV show, a different style, a different view from your window and even a different person to make out with.

Y'know, because things change... like all the time.

But, basically, you grow up. And you really grow up. You graduate, you move on and you somehow get into a different place than you were in - a better place! But, even though you've grown up... it doesn't mean you don't make mistakes and stupid decisions.

Growing up is hard. Dealing with reality is hard. And sometimes life really isn't fair.

But you keep moving on, because in two years, you won't be in this place. It'll be a whole new place. And you'll be thinking back - fondly or not - to THIS place, and you'll laugh at the differences.

Because life changes... all the time.

why did I study Art History?

I've mentioned that I studied art in college/high school. One of my favorite parts was Ancient Greek/Roman. But seems like I wasted time when all I had to do was listen to the Muses sing the story of the gods!





p.s. It's not actually "the gospel truth"... nothing about the movie Hercules is actually correct. Zeus raped people... like Hera for example. Oh, and Hera is his sister and WIFE, and she only married him because she was ashamed of being raped by her brother... for some reason Disney left that part out.

You're right. I should write them a letter.

P.s. HAPPY NEW YEAR! May you all have a happy and healthy year. And make better decisions. Like me. I am the queen of good decision making.