Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Me, Watching Movies.


Over the past two weeks, it has been cold and I've wanted nothing more than to lay in my bed while the cat forces me to pet her face and watch movies. Normally, I would feel guilty about doing such a crazy thing as "relaxing" because A) I'm nuts B) I'm Irish Catholic, I have a lot of guilt and C) I feel like such a waste of space. But now that I've been consistently working out every day, I feel better about being lazy.

I normally don't watch a lot of movies because A) I'm nuts B) I'm Irish Catholic, I should be drinking and C) I just don't have the patience. But, one of my New Year's Resolutions was to watch more movies {and less "30 Rock" over and over.} So, here are some Patty-style {unprofessional and mainly biased} movie reviews:  

Beauty and the Briefcase: My friend, Kathy, advised me to watch this. Hilary Duff was in it and we watched Lizzie McGuire together as kids {and by kids, I mean teenagers who were too old to watch Lizzie McGuire} This movie went straight to TV for a reason. It was awful. She was the "star"  but everyone else had more talent. Plus, I'd like to know what Gordo thought of all that sex she was having.  And ugh, she kept calling Cosmo the BEST MAGAZINE IN THE WORLD. COSMO?!? Ugh. I have to go.

The Proposal: "That movie was really bad" said Patty to her friend Trevor, but really, it was a piece of trash. THAT I LOVED! Sandra Bullock was apparently a bitch in Publishing, but she was not a convincing bitch {she's no Meryl Streep... Meryl Streep should have won that Oscar. But I do love ol' Sandy.} Reason I loved this: Ryan Reynolds is really hot. Like really hot. Oh my God, he was hot. He was also a good actor. But, I don't care,  HE'S HOT. And they got together in the end and that's really all I ask from my movies. None of this "Blue Valentine"  bullshit.

Love in the Afternoon: I liked this movie from the start because it had Maurice Chevalier in it. He's French, he was in Gigi, and I love him. Audrey Hepburn was also in it. She's pretty and looks really good in a black dress. Halfway through, I got bored. Her father was a detective and she was obsessed with one of the American guys in his cases and she went to his hotel to prevent him from being killed {from an angry husband whose wife was sleeping with the American}. Eventually, they fell in love. And they only hung out in the afternoon. Ala the movie title. Except, I could never tell if they had sex or not. Nowadays, movies throw sex in my face whether I like it or not so there's never any doubt. C'mon old movie! Stop being so subtle!

Priceless: This was a French movie starring Audrey Tatou, who is the cutest person in the world. Apparently, according to reviews, it's just a cheesy chick flick. But, since I had to read subtitles with it, I'm considering myself cultured. And I liked it enough - she was basically a prostitute {who only got with guys for their gifts and money} and she had sex with a bartender who fell in love with her, then he also became a male prostitute and they became best friends who mooched off other people. And obviously, they fell in love. The real star of this movie? champagne.

Meet Me In St. Louis: I liked this one the best! Judy Garland was actually a great actress {didn't care for The Wizard of Oz} and she had a pretty voice. The youngest daughter was adorable {damn, she's not now!} and I liked the color and the setting and the 1900's wardrobe and the World's Fair and mainly, Judy's hair and outfits. I also liked how she seduced a guy by having him help her turn off lights. How sexy! Turning off lights is too easy these days, with all these switches, how am I ever going to seduce a man?

This has been Patty's Movie Critic Corner. Tune in next week while I videotape {that's still a thing} myself critiquing movies while picking apart a rotisserie chicken with my hands. Oooh! That's how I can seduce a man.

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