Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Faking It.

Those are my super tan legs in a sea of denim.

I like to fake a lot of things. Aside from the obvious (obvious meaning both “the one thing people tend to talk about faking most” and “yes, of course I’ve faked them”), I fake being nice to people I don’t really care for, I fake being OK when I’m totally not OK… you know, now that I’m talking about it – I’m terrible at faking my feelings. So forget it.

What this post is really about is fake happiness… and fake happiness means a FAKE TAN. Everyone's happier when they're tan. It means they're getting Vitamin D, they're hanging out with their friends and they're at least 25% more attractive.

As an American of Irish and English descent, I *love* a fake tan. I'm lucky enough that my skin actually does tan... well, after at least three potentially dangerous and definitely scarring burns. But, I don’t have a lot of time to relax or hang outside this summer. And it seems that whenever I do, the sun doesn’t have the time to hang out with me. Or there’s a Bruin’s parade and I’m afraid to leave my bedroom – or a Starbucks, since everyone knows Bruins fans have Dunkin Donuts coffee running through their veins.

So I’ve hit the bottle. Two nights a week I shower, exfoliate and massage brown-tinted lotion into my skin. Then I stand still for about 30 seconds until I get bored then I resort to blow drying my skin. It’s hot and uncomfortable and I’m so very impatient – but when I wake up the next morning, I’m bronzed!

Or, at least a little oranged. And the brand I have fades kind’ve spotty and weird {enough so that my mom asks what kind of disease I have on my skin}. But, I don’t care! I’ve got a tan! For a couple of days, it looks like I’m spending my summer drinking sangria in a pool or sailing all the time when in reality, I’m high above the city behind a desk or tucked below the city in the basement of a CVS.

But at the very least I’m not getting skin cancer. Even if my skin does look patchy and weird from the fading tan. But that’s all we ever want, right? The look of skin cancer without the hassle of actually having it.


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