Wednesday, July 20, 2011

NEVER AGAIN.


I’m in a bad mood today. I know exactly why and no, it’s not for something stupid like “boys” – it’s strictly because of my period. Just kidding. I’m not on my period. If I were, I wouldn’t say it guys! I would be on a bridge calming myself down from jumping off. That’s how it goes every single time. Where am I again? Oh, right.

So, last week when I was in a bad mood {I’m seeing a pattern here…} I wrote “tiny hate letters.” And those were great. They made me laugh and feel better because they reminded me that you can’t be in a bad mood when you’re SO HILARIOUS. {Wait! Come back!} Today, I’m going to share a list of things I never have to do again. And boy! Am I happy about it! Like, just think of all the things we've had to learn and discover from growing up - then think of where you are now and how far you've come and you NEVER HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN.
  1. Take an improv class without having any basic improv knowledge. Last night, I saw Kiley teaching a class and I just thought, “Oh my God. I never have to be in their position again!” Sure, I may take improv classes in another city; because that’s the way it works. But at least I’ll know what I’m doing then! I will “yes, and” a ton of idiots who don’t know what they’re doing!
  2. Be in high school.
  3. Learn the English language. When I took Spanish {for 5 years, don’t know anything now}, my professor would always say she had the hardest time learning English. So, thank God we’re the master race. The English language is the master race. Yes, it makes sense.
  4. Read Twilight. {Sure, I never had to do this. But there’s this disease I have where I have to read or watch everything created for children/teenagers.}
  5. Lose my virginity. {Although that location and view was breathtaking.}
  6. Date without any knowledge of dating.
  7. Desperately wish to be “cool”
This is the great thing about getting older, my friends! We’re smarter, wiser and better looking! And now I know that guys are terrible and I never have to open myself up to them ever again! That’s why I’m going to marry a guy who delivers birthday telegrams dressed as a gorilla and have the simplest, sweetest life.

 

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