Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Tiny Hate Letters.

Maybe it's the fact that I didn't sleep well last night because I have a sunburn or that I'm just fed up with bullshit, but here are my little hate letters:

Dear lady who answered the phone at Flour Bakery, I don't need your passive aggressive bullshit or for you to make me feel stupid. I know how to look at a website and the content I needed WASN'T THERE. I make myself feel stupid enough, I don't need your help. GFY.

Dear UV Rays, you're a bunch of assholes. Don't you know you're burning people? You're really hurting us and it's very uncomfortable. Please, I beg you, stop.

Dear texting, do you understand what you've done to people? I can't have a normal conversation anymore. It's easy for me to communicate through carefully crafted text messages, but I have completely lost the ability to converse face to face. You make me dependent on alcohol. You're gross.

Dear Desk, clean yourself up. I'm tired of looking at you and feeling as though my whole life is in shambles because you can't get your act together. While we're at it, Room and Shelves... GET IT TOGETHER.
Dear Kyle, you're behind me right now loudly putting your mail in the outgoing mail bin. I can see your reflection in the glass door and I know you're there trying to bother me/get my attention. I refuse to turn around.
Dear ankles, why can't I walk 3ft without you giving out on me? Do you realize we've only been around for 25 years and you shouldn't be working so poorly ALREADY? But I do like that you don't blend in with my calves. You're great at that
Dear Christmas music on my iPod, GO AWAY. IT'S JULY, IDIOTS.

Dear Lubriderm.... we're cool.

Dear Mad Men, who on EARTH do you think you are coming back in 2012? Don't you understand you have loyal fans who dedicate their summers to anticipation for the first episode of a new season? Don't you understand I need fashion inspiration and to see what you're all up to?!? I HATE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.

Okay, I think we're done here. Carry on with your lives, everyone.

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