Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Lazy Man's Straight Hair

My hair, more times than not, is a huge pain in the dick. I often just set it and forget it. Also, my hair is a Rotisserie Oven. My hair is naturally wavy. Not like Victoria's Secret waves, more like Veronica's Closet waves. {Yeah, I know that makes no sense! Let me live my life!} 

Even though I'm lazy, and lack time, I love to read other people's blog adventures in DIY. I want to jump on the bandwagon... but at a very basic level. When I took on HR responsibilities at my old job, I used to call myself an "HR Basicist." For 1. so people wouldn't expect me to answer their questions correctly and B. because I wasn't quite a Generalist or Manager... I knew HR at a VERY basic level. {Yes, you can put your wife on our insurance plan within 31 days of marrying her... NO you cannot inappropriately touch someone's genitals or ask them "On a scale of 1-10, what are the chances of you fucking me tonight?"} {True story.}

So, today, I'm teaching you how to do something very simple, a hair glaze. And it doesn't actually require that much time out of your day, since you'd already be doing most of it anyway! Hopefully. 

Step 1: Buy hair glaze. I use this brand. You can buy it pretty cheap on Amazon... but I buy it at the Christmas Tree Shop. Oh, yup, I agree, it's pretty weird that I buy it there. But I can't find it anywhere else! And I've checked all of two other places! {CVS and Target.} I always have luck at the Christmas Tree Shop, so I buy it there. Along with at least 3 flamingo lawn ornaments and a wooden sign that says, "I Love The Sea!"

Step 2: I assume you've taken it out of the box. Now, put some in your hand or on your hair and just throw that shit everywhere. Cover your hair, from root to tips, in lukewarm glaze. {I'm thinking it, too.} Then, put it up in a bun. Leave it there for 20 minutes. Do other things. I took nail polish off my nails and prepped for a re-paint, called my cat the C-word, re-filled my Brita pitcher and took sexy pictures of gummy bears. Then ate them.

 {that's what hair looks like when it's up.}

Step 3: 20 MINUTES IS UP. Take out the bun in your hair. Look in the mirror. Hehe, you look silly. And take a shower. That's it. Just shower. Shampoo/condition like normal, wash yourself, sing out loud, cry, do whatever it is that you do. 

Step 4: Blow dry your hair like normal. My normal is this: use a little bit of Bumble and Bumble style creme, brush hair with comb, part hair and shape bangs, put hair up in 3 sections, blow dry bangs, then the rest of the hair sections... and I'm done. It takes like 10 minutes. Usually I smooth it out a little bit with a straightening iron on the ends. 

{done! and I had painted my nails by this point.}
Step 5: FEEL YOUR HAIR! It feels awesome! Like, just walked out of the salon awesome. It's light and airy and smooth and silky with not an ounce of frizz and call me crazy, but I think it took less time to dry it as well! Play with it, shake your head a little bit... notice the sexy guy staring you down over in the corner! IMMEDIATELY CALL THE POLICE, WHY IS THERE A SEXY STRANGE MAN IN YOUR APARTMENT?!

That's it! That's literally how you do your hair. My hair stylist told me it was cool, but that in addition to doing this ONCE a week, I should also use a clarifying shampoo once a week. Which is great... because that's the amount of times I wash my hair. Twice. (OK, maybe 3. It's just the way my hair works!)

You can see my other lazy DIY right here. Lazy Man's Ombre.


RLWS said...

You are so creepy. Also like your "true story" comment. STRONG.

Can you teach me how to weave my hair?

Patty Barrett said...

No but I can teach you how to change up your wigs because the one you're wearing right now is nasty.


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