When I first went to college, I had no idea what I wanted to be.
I thought, "I'm good at speaking. I have a big personality. I'd probably be good at marketing. I love promoting things that I love, so I'd probably enjoy Public Relations."
Then I found improv and all of that stuff soon became my "plan B." Improv was what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to perform for a living! I wanted my job title to be "comedian and performer." And then it did become that (much later) and I changed my thought process to, "comedy is what I want to do with my life." Writing it, performing it, watching it or just blogging about it here. It's something I love and am passionate about.
But, lately, I've been having these weird little aches.
An ache for a bigger apartment somewhere outside the city. An ache for a car, so that I could drive anywhere whenever I want and be able to leave my neighborhood more often. An ache for a night in watching cable TV, which I currently don't need slash probably couldn't afford. An ache to go out to dinner on a Friday night with a friend. An ache to get a drink after work. An ache to wake up early and get ready and be productive all day long at a desk that doesn't double as my bed. An ache to make a living doing something more solid and having money in my bank account and not being afraid to open mail because it might be a lawyer suing me because I've been late on loan payments.
I love my life. I love the choices I've made. And I'm so happy that I made a decision and followed my dream. But, every now and then, I just think about the B plan and how different I'd be. Maybe I'd be a little more sane. Maybe I'd be a little more settled and stable.
But... I know for a fact, I'd be a whole lot more lonely. Without making people laugh. Without writing sketches for my friends. Without doing bits in a bar on a Tuesday night. Without free time during the day. Without flexing my creative muscles. Without adventure and excursions and exploration.
So, for now, I'm settling with Plan A: being completely unsettled. #yolo