Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Don't Face Your Fears!

Here's something weird that I have to share: I'm afraid of Victoria's Secret.  Why wouldn't girls be afraid of that place?  Those models are all hot and staring down at you and all I wanna do is lay on a cloud with them!  A sexy cloud!  

My inner ashamed 15-year-old self just feels like she doesn't belong there and she should go back to Target where she can hide her purchases in a big red shopping cart underneath a box of Cheez-its.

So it sucks that this year I really got into nice bras from Victoria's Secret.  They're SO nice!  The best, actually.  One day, I went on my lunch break and then had to go back to the office and I went to another store and bought something JUST SO I COULD HIDE THE BAG INSIDE OF A DIFFERENT BAG.  I'm that ashamed!  I was afraid people at work would see the bag and just automatically imagine me in a bra.  (And I don't mean that in a good way, I mean laughing at me in a bra.) 

So, I opted for purchasing online.  But, would you believe I'm also afraid of people seeing the box/bag before I do and then they (my landlords/people who live in my apartment building) would then, like my co-workers, imagine me in a bra while laughing?  

I stuck to shopping in the store.  I walk in, say hi to the person greeting me and refuse their help and go about my business and get out.  

Have I also told you about how uncomfortable I am with good customer service?  Like, the customer service that when you're trying things on, they constantly knock on the door and ask to help you?  It freaks me out.  You know what else freaks me out?  People congratulating me and telling me that I had a good show / that I'm funny.  I appreciate it and it's awesome and of course, I'm very grateful and I never feel put out by it, but I'm just so socially awkward that I feel so weird about it. 

So, put all of those weird fears/discomforts/crazy social anxieties together and what do you got?  

A greeter from Victoria's Secret recognizing me from the shows and freaking out loudly in the front of the store.  Yup.  First, I walked in looking straight ahead as to not make eye contact with anyone who worked there. 

"Can I help you with anything today?" said the greeter in an adorable bow. 

"No, thanks. Just looking." 

"Oh, I love your coat!" 

"Thanks. Urban Outfitters!  I didn't want to buy it because it was expensive but, well, I gave in and I love it!" (I also have the tendency to over explain everything... I'm the weirdest.) 

"Good choice!" 

(cut to 15 minutes later... I have bras in my hand and I'm looking at others) 

"Can I ask you a weird question? Where do you work because you look really familiar to me?" 

"... I mprov A sylum."

And she FREAKED out!  I'm talking yelling, bowing, quoting things I said... people around us were staring at us... and I HAD BRAS IN MY HAND!  THEY WERE ALL PICTURING ME IN MY BRA AND LAUGHING AT ME! 

Then... the best part of all... she said, "I recognized your face, you looked really familiar, but it's your voice! You have that deep voice!" 

And, so, there I am.  Standing in a place I'm afraid of, with everyone staring at me and imagining me in my bra and laughing at me, being told nice things that I don't know how to respond to... and it's all because of my DEEP MAN VOICE. 

I'm going back to Target. 

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