Tuesday, December 11, 2012
It's A Very Netflix Christmas
This Christmas season, I have been trying to get more in the holiday spirit. That means putting some Christmas lights around my bookcase and since I don't have space for a tree, decorating my owl (that Casey and Matt got for me), lighting a pine-scented candle and watching Christmas movies. But... Netflix doesn't have many options. They're all really shitty ones! So, I've been watching some ABC Family duds. Man, they're bad. They're so corny and bad.
But, I'm going to watch them anyway. And I'm going to share it with you just how bad and poorly-written they are. They're predictable, they make women look horrible and god damnit if they're not still enjoyable. Someone hire me as a writer for one of these movies, please!
So, here's my live bog / review of "Desperately Seeking Santa" starring Nick Zano and Laura Vandervoort, two people I have never heard of. It aired on ABC Family's "25 Days of Christmas" in 2011. And... it's... awful. Follow the jump to see!
Why do all of these movies start exactly the same? A Christmas pop song plays while the main character gets ready for her important, high-profile job! This song is awful!
I don't know who this girl is. Was she on "How I Met Your Mother?" She looks like she'd be one of Ted's girlfriends. He has a type. (I checked, she wasn't.)
They showed a close-up of a severely marked down price tag. Like, several price cuts. I think they're trying to tell us this girl is practical. Cheap, maybe. Enjoys a bargain. (This never came back up in the movie... what was the point of that close-up then!?!? To show that she's a real, down-to-Earth kind of girl?!)
As Jennifer, that's her name, walks by a salon in the mall, a lady pops out and says "Got time for a blow out?" Holy shit. I want someone to offer me a blow out as I walk to work. Of course, her hair is already perfectly blown out by a team of professionals off set, so she declines. Though for some stupid "meeting at corporate" reason... and not that she ALREADY has perfect hair. Also, we now know she's going to an important meeting! Trouble is probably going to happen there.
"It's not straight" Jennifer says about the Christmas tree in the mall, where she works.
"I thought it reminded me of my ex-boyfriend." responds sassy tree putter upper. The jokes! The awful, poorly written jokes. Someone get me a job writing one of these movies, please!
Oh, gay friends! Two of them! And they referenced her cheap clothes. They work in the mall! She's friends with people that work at that stores in the mall! She is friends with EVERYONE! So, we know she's likeable.
Apparently, she got her shoes at a 75% off sale. Wait, is it a bad thing to buy shoes at a 75% off sale?! Also, I want to go to that sale.
She's at the corporate meeting and someone scary is talking. The typical scary boss. Hillridge Malls need to make a lot of money in six weeks! But how are they going to do it?! She answers, proudly, with an incentive based marketing idea that Scary Boss seemed to like. She's so smart! Beautiful, important, likeable and smart. Scary Boss has just made an announcement that this movie is going to have a plot.
He has created a new job. The VP of Marketing and Promotions! Overseeing all the malls in the Northeast! That's a big job! The person with the most sales wins. "The losers get nothing. You'll be likely to keep your job." Oh, Scary Boss. You're so scary and bossy!
There's a close-up on her face. So, we know she wants that job!
The first person she runs into is her boyfriend who works at Corporate. We can tell it's her boyfriend because he's smarmy and she looks at him warmly. He has faith in her but looks like a total dick. I can already tell that she's going to leave him. Mainly because it says so in the plot description of the movie. But also because she takes a rain check on their date to focus on work competition. He said, "You never have to explain a work obligation to me" which shows us that he's constantly unreliable and likes work better than his lady.
Her and a friend, who is sassy and really likes to eat Cinnabon (they work for a mall and they really want to get that across), explain to us through fun conversation that their mall (South Boston Mall! Which is not a real mall) has taken a hit in sales because of the struggling middle class. They're competing against the suburbs! They show us a visual by panning to a nearly empty carousal and saying, "Remember when all the rides were full?" Oh, please. Then they say they've been friends forever and recount a memory from their childhood in the mall. So, now I can tell that her emotional connection to her empty, no-sales mall is going to throw a wrench in her Corporate Dream.
They keep mentioning the suburbs and how great they are. They need something that is going to make shoppers at South Boston Mall (again, not a real thing) "open their wallets and spend their money." In a well-timed moment, sassy friend sees a hot guy handing out flyers outside of a Abercrombie-esque type store. I can tell from the posters of hot people and the loud club music playing inside. And so the idea strikes! Hot men make people spend their money. Because "sex sells." This movie is making women look like crazy, horrible people.
Ugh, even worse. A hot guy shows Sassy Friend a sequin party dress for $129.99 and she sighs and says, "I'll take 3." GIRL. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THREE SEQUINED PARTY DRESSES? I can barely make ONE work! And yes, I have ONE! Which I only wore last year twice for a Christmas party and New Year's Eve. THREE?!?! Because a man in a fishnet/mesh tank top showed you it?! MESH?! You're an idiot.
Cut to montage of cutting up magazines with a smile on her face to show that she has a GREAT IDEA that is going to WORK because SEX SELLS!
The idea is a "Search for Sexy Santa" because the majority of holiday shopping is done by women, and what do "stay at home moms, twenty-something career girls and desperate housewives" all want for Christmas?! A sexy man in a Santa suit, apparently. They'll get to see a full dance number by Santa, to sit on his lap and to take pictures with him. Jesus. Are women really that awful?!
Now she's firing Santa Clause. The REAL Santa Clause! The traditional Santa Clause! He's miserable and pissed and she's going to feel bad and he'll be back at the end when she realizes that South Boston Mall is important to her and so is tradition. But, for now, she's important and gunning for Corporate and can't be everyone's "bff."
She's late for work and runs up to the street vendor she usually gets her coffee from. The writer of this movie doesn't know Southie very well. There's a long line and she cuts to the front because he usually has it ready and made for her! Because, as a reminder, she's important and well-liked (and beautiful and smart.) But someone in the long line is mad and is doing something about it! And he just happens to be pretty damn handsome. And he's going to be the winner of the Sexy Santa contest, as well as her new love interest. She just doesn't know yet. She calls him a "bike messenger" and he calls her a "Beacon Hill princess." Jesus. They're not friends! And we know it. Because she called him dumb and a jerk and he called her a bitch. Well, it's an ABC Family movie so he called her a "sweetheart" sarcastically. But I've called enough children a "sweetheart" sarcastically to know what it really means.
Audition time for Sexy Santa! So many men doing push ups and warming up their vocal chords. Sassy Friend can't believe she's at work because there's so many hot men. She makes women look bad. They're looking for the "sex appeal of Brad Pitt with the spirit of Santa Clause." Brad Pitt has adopted a hundred children... he has the spirit of Santa Clause. Hire him.
The montage of guys auditioning begins. Remember our sassy gay friends from earlier?! They're taking pictures with their camera phones. Because they're gay and they really want to drive that point home. Because, you know, they didn't already do that with their overtly stereotypical vocal inflections and sassy wardrobe-based humor.
Everyone's a disaster until the music stops... and guess who walks on stage?!?!? DUMB JERK BIKE MESSENGER! And, he's so handsome! And she recognizes him because there is a harp-like sound that is showing us that she recognizes him. Why is he auditioning? Because he loves Christmas and his mother, who has passed away, used to make it really special for him. And he used to do a dancing show with her and he memorized the routine. He takes an assistant by the hand and does the routine with her. She's smitten! And he's such a nice guy for doing that for her. Because she's a woman... and all she wants is a hot guy to unwrap on Christmas.
He's got the spirit of Santa Clause and the sex appeal of Brad Pitt! But, he was a jerk! Because he stood up for himself when she was being a jerk and cut him in line! So, what is she going to do?! Well, she has a panel of four other judges. And while she thinks he is a "poser" everyone else thinks he is a "tasty morsel" and "total man candy" which are absolutely real phrases that people use when describing good-looking men. She tables the conversation and decides they leave the "third position" for the Sexy Santa candidate open to a secret ballot...
... but of course she has to run into him when she's leaving, right? And while he's having a difficult time getting his bike out of the bike rack because his lock is frozen? And she has to make a sad face when he's not looking but then put back on her "sweetheart" face when he sees her? She says something "sweethearty" to him and he says, "Merry Christmas, Ms. Walker." Ultimate burn!
Mr. Brad Pitt Santa (David) makes things worse for himself and goes to the family restaurant he works at... with his family. Where he knows all the customers. Because they want us to know that he's sweet, sexy and LIKEABLE. But, twist! The news played his dancing audition for the Sexy Santa contest. And he's worried his dad might have seen it! Do we have another Sister Act II Lauryn Hill can't sing because it killed her father and her mom doesn't approve thing here?! Because, God, I hope so.
His brother is the bartender and I'm pretty sure he's latino. But... it's an Italian restaurant. Everyone else is Italian. I'm so confused.
He confronts his dad and he says he doesn't want to talk about it, hear about it or see it. Please please please say "Your mother died dancing!" Ugh, fine, maybe say it later. I'll be back for it.
But, now we see what's going on. Why would a nice guy like him audition for a degrading "Sexy Santa" contest?! Well, because there's a $10,000 prize and the restaurant is going out of business and there's a lawsuit of some sort! And the exact amount of the appeal is $10,000! And the place closes on Christmas Eve! Which is when the money would be given to him! He's a hot guy with a heart. If only Jennifer was here to see this moment!
He won the contest. Jennifer called and was all "sweethearty" on the phone about it. She clearly didn't want him to be the third contestant.
Now we're at the contest. Sassy Friend says, "You have two hot guys in front of you and you're worried about the time?" Girl. There's more to life than hot men. Why don't you focus on a hot man on your own? Men are hotter when you can touch them. Calm down and go get laid, woman!
David is late! She doesn't like him even more! Sassy Friend called her a hot "Corporate Dominatrix" and Sassy Friend really needs to keep it together. Neil the Corporate Boyfriend shows up and says something rude about how she gets her hair cut at the mall and not at the fancier place in Beacon Hill. They want to remind us that she is severely tied to South Boston Mall and might dream of a fancier life but will stay local and humble in the end. Also, rich people get their hair done on Newbury Street, buddy. Sassy Friend says hi to him with an obvious dislike for him... he makes fun of her in a passive aggressive way. We're not supposed to like him, audience. We're just not. He thinks he's too good for everyone, including Jennifer... and she should be with someone born and raised in Southie... like... DAVID, MAYBE?
Oh, he's here! Just on time and if it was up to Jennifer, he wouldn't be there at all. And she makes sure to tell him that. Real mature, Jennifer. Real mature.
The other two contestants are awful assholes - saying things like "I'm a hunk with heart" and "Boston shouldn't be deprived of this (pointing to his abs) any longer." But, David steps up the game and says if he could make other people's lives' better while helping out his family, he'd be happy. Real, real good answer. The crowd went wild! He won the contest! He's Sexy Santa!
Why doesn't he live in the North End if he's super Italian? Southie is predominantly Irish. And if he was born and raised there with an Italian restaurant in the family? Seems weird. Like, I don't know, the writer didn't look into it further. (Again, someone please hire me.)
Back at the family restaurant and Dad's mad! He's late again! And he has to explain the Sexy Santa thing and Dad is still not happy because he wants his son to get into med school and be the first doctor in the family! But instead, he's a Sexy Santa! Come on, just say it... "Your mother died dancing!" No? Fine! But he still doesn't approve. But that doesn't stop David, and his siblings, from deciding to fight for the restaurant until the bitter end. What a good family.
Now, it's time to become Sexy Santa. Gay Friends fit him for his suit and remain sassy stereotypes. They even used the word "diva." The rehearsal process is grueling, but Jennifer watches on with a smirk on her face. She's enjoying his pain.
He tells a young boy not to tell anyone that he's a Yankees fan. Well, this movie couldn't have gone without one dumb reference like that, right?
Here comes Jennifer and a surprise visit from Boyfriend Neil, who immediately puts Sexy Santa down and talks again about Jennifer's possible promotion to Corporate. Ah, Corporate. Get out of the slums of South Boston and go to Corporate!
Show time! There are Reindeer Dancers! And he's being sexy! And charming! And dancing well! And all the ladies (stay-at-home moms, twenty-something career girls and desperate housewives) are going crazy! The show ends and Jennifer runs back stage and lets him know that he was "amazing" and gives him a hug that lingers for a second too long. She gets awkward about it... because, well, it's the turning point part of the movie where she realizes there "must be something there that wasn't there before." Yeah, that's from "Beauty and the Beast." She immediately switches back to "sweetheart" boss.
7 Shopping Days til Christmas! Sexy Santa is a huge hit! And Boyfriend Neil thinks that Scary Boss will be impressed, except tells her that the line is too long (three hours long) and that people in line won't be able to shop (and boost her sales.) Uh oh! Maybe Sexy Santa is too nice and should stop being personable and stick to the 20 seconds per customer plan. But, when Jennifer tells him that he has to stop and that he needs to help her make more money, he does the jerk thing and decides to spend more time with customers to spite her! What a terrible person!
He asks Sassy Friend how someone so clearly against the holiday spirit is in charge of promoting it? Sassy Friend tells us that she didn't have "the best home life." Oh, so that's why she's so power hungry. Christmas is about family and the holidays remind poor Jennifer of what she never had. Plot thickens more!
Now there's a Senior Citizen woman up next to see Santa... but she passes out! She loses her pulse! But what about the line!? And the people to get through?! Never fear, Sexy Santa is there! He gives her CPR and resuscitates her and saves her life! Now, he's a hero and he's even more worthy of falling in love with! He even rides along with Senior Citizen to the hospital and skips out on his Santa duties... which doesn't make Jennifer so happy. The customers! The sales! The Cinnabons! Mall things!
Jennifer goes to visit and runs into David as he's visiting Senior Citizen in the hospital! Surprised to see her, he wonders if she has any "sales reports to obsess over" instead of being there? He tells her that he finds her interesting and complicated. Love! But they go their separate ways!
It's time for the next Sexy Santa show and Scary Boss himself is coming to see the show. She helps David get ready and he says that deep down inside, he thinks she's a nice person. She disagrees. He sees all the little things, like how hard she laughs with the Gay Friends (because they're so sassy and fun!) (also, both of their names are "Jeremy") and because she loves this mall. I knew it!! DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH THE MALL. He questions whether she wants the promotion or not! I KNEW IT!!!
Jennifer introduces David to Scary Boss and he says all the right things, like "I don't keep anyone on my lap longer than 20 seconds so they can go out and spend their hard earned money at the mall!" Jennifer likey. Scary Boss calls him a "golden Christmas goose" which is actually a phrase I use to refer to good-looking men.
Scary Boss throws another curve ball. He's going to close the lowest producing mall at the end of the six weeks. Sure, Jennifer brought sales up 20% with the Sexy Santa contest... but, it's still the smallest grossing mall.
Well, now we know what's going to happen. She's going to save South Boston Mall and turn down the promotion!
She's so sad. She doesn't want to see her mall go under! But wait a minute, where's David? He's running late! She calls him and his bike lock is having issues again so she has to send a car! But, not just any car, he wants HER to pick him up! LOVE'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
She picks him up and he's surprised she found his place so easily. Well, of course she did, she grew up in an apartment around the corner with her mother! And only her mother... because her home life "wasn't the best." She tells a story of how she beat up a boy, Tommy Callahan (finally, some Southie sounding names!), across the street because he wouldn't let girls play street hockey. He thinks she's hot for beating up a boy, I can tell. I'm pretty turned on, too. Wait! Who am I?! Sassy Friend?!
Now he's at the mall and there is a news crew there interviewing him about how he saved a woman's life! One of his reindeer dancers is on screen with him and the news anchor is hinting at a romance between the two of them, which seemingly came out of nowhere. There are a bunch of reindeer dancers, why is this one on camera with him? It seems like this is a movie and they're trying to throw in a crazy plot line to make Jennifer jealous. Oh, that's exactly what this is! Stupid. Also, that's not a professional news anchor! She's hitting on Sexy Santa!
But, don't worry, Jennifer's driving him to work at the restaurant... which just so happened to be Jennifer's father's favorite place to eat. He even took her there a couple of times! But, of course, he left when she was five years old. Because her home life was "not the best." She's starting to open up to Sexy Santa! LOVE IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
His dad sees him with Jennifer and he still doesn't say "Your mother died dancing!" so I don't care about him. All I want is a Sister Act II reference.
Dumb Dad invites her in for pizza, even though she said no, he insists! Because he doesn't take no for an answer! Because if she said "no" then the plot wouldn't advance! So, now, she's not just eating pizza... she's learning how to make it with his dad. But she doesn't do it well. So, David has to show her how to do it riiiiightttt. Nothing is sexier than kneading and tossing pizza dough. Actually, that sentence sounded pretty sexy.
If this were the movie "Hercules", this is when the Muses would come out and sing, "I Won't Say I'm In Love" with Jennifer. Who you think you're kidding? He's the Earth and Heaven to ya!
Now, they're talking family. And her mom died when she was seventeen, because... her home life... not the best! His mom died, her mom died... where two moms die, love blossoms.
She sees a flyer announcing the restaurant's closing party on Christmas Eve. So, now, she's going to help him save the restaurant while she saves the mall. Life is going to be perfect for these two! They are going to find love in a truly hopeless place.
She has to run and meet Boyfriend Neil for lunch. He's mad that she's late (because she was making pizza with Sexy Santa) and took the liberty of ordering her a Caprese salad, which he said quite passive aggressively. That is so Boyfriend Neil of him. She finds out that he knew her mall might shut down, and how could he not tell her? He's her boyfriend! But, he states his case and says that his plan is to help her get out of that dump of a mall! "It's not a dump" she says.
He corrects his wrong by inviting her to his family's house for Christmas. In Aspen. Eye roll. She's never even met his parents and they've been dating over a year! He thinks it's finally time. She proposes something more spontaneous... like... WAIT FOR IT... a pizza making course.
He calls her ridiculous because Aspen is THE. PLACE. TO. BE over the holidays.
What a perfect time for the TV in the fancy restaurant to play a news clip of David. He's always there. In her mind.
She's back at the mall and talks to Sassy Friend but catches David out of the corner of her eye and stares at him longingly. Sassy Friend accuses her of liking him... but no, she doesn't, she's going to Aspen with Boyfriend Neil which is THE PLACE TO BE over the holidays. Plus, it's time to stop talking about her love life and "look at the numbers" (what a generic corporate phrase) because she needs that promotion. She has to get out of that South Boston Mall dump! Sassy Friend is offended that she wants to leave so bad. THERE'S HISTORY THERE. But, Jennifer wants to be corporate! Corporate means money, Corporate means ASPEN AND CAPRESE SALADS!
Before she leaves work, David brings her wine and cold pizza... from the restaurant... that she helped make. She loves cold pizza because her mom worked nights and they'd have it in the morning and her home life wasn't the best. She says no, because she's busy trying to be Corporate, but she gives in and eats some pizza while dishing out more personal details of her crazy childhood eating buttercream frosting on a dare.
They overhear the carousel and it's romantic and David leads her out to see what's "making all that noise" (the noise a carousel tends to make when it's on) and they take a ride together. Romantic music starts playing, so we know they're going to fall in love right about now. He's being spontaneous with her! They're riding carousel horses! But they're not wondering why it's on when the mall is closed. Also, I'm wondering why she's the last person in the mall when she's the Director of Marketing and Promotions. Should that person be in charge of locking up the mall?
She brings up the reindeer dancer from the interview very quickly and he says they're not involved... so, that story line is over as quick and randomly as it began.
THEY'RE KISSING!!! He's apologizing! SHE'S KISSING DEEPER!!! She's running away now!
Surprise! Boyfriend Neil is at her office now to whisk her away for a late-night bite... and a hard-earned drink. Because he wants to be more romantic with her, like she suggested. But, Boyfriend Neil sees the pizza and wine. And now David is running in to chase her after she ran away! But, Boyfriend Neil knows what's up. And he tells David what's up. He's nothing more than Christmas eye candy. And now David really knows what's up.
It's a new day and Jennifer has dropped by Corporate to show how profitable her mall has been. She sees Scary Boss shaking someone's hand... and so is Boyfriend Neil. She wants to know what's going on and Boyfriend Neil won't talk about it! Fishy stuff, man. Fishy stuff.
But, now, we're back at David's family restaurant. And the closing flyer is going around and regular customers are pretty sad about it. David calms them down and says he has tricks up his sleeve to keep the place open! But, then he runs into his dad... who tells him that the City Council has denied the appeal to keep the family restaurant open. There was a SECRET MEETING that made it happen. A big business is moving in!
OH, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE THE SECRET MEETING BETWEEN SCARY BOSS AND BOYFRIEND NEIL AND A MYSTERIOUS COUNCILMAN?!?!
AND. THE. PLOT. THICKENS!!! AGAIN!!
David is mad! He's sexy when he's mad! It's over! The restaurant is closing! Take your shirt off!
But, now Jennifer is in Scary Boss' office and she HAS to speak to him NOW. About the "Archfield Towers" that are going to put David's family restaurant out of business... but before she can speak to him about it, he announces that South Boston Mall is no longer in last place and it won't go under. She's happy! Her mall is saved! But... what about David? What's he going to do? She decides against talking about it, because Scary Boss says, "You don't get to first by taking your eye off the ball" which sounds like a sports reference.
Jennifer vents to Sassy Friend! Sassy Friend is disappointed that Jennifer won't tell David what's happening. It's like she doesn't even know Jennifer anymore. It's like I don't even know her anymore, either. Sassy Friend and I are finally in agreement.
Pan to David, who is sad about the restaurant and about Jennifer. He likes her! They kissed, remember?! But, she's Corporate and he's a nobody. He's going to be in the Friend Zone forever.
But, he decides to talk to Jennifer about his feelings anyway. He wants to fight for her, even though she has Boyfriend Neil and is on a path to Corporate Mall-hood. He never met anyone who excites and frustrates him more than Jennifer! Now she has no choice. She has to tell him the truth. Her corporation is behind the towers putting his family out of business! He's pissed! She won't help him! He INTRODUCED HER TO HIS FAMILY!!
He quit. Despite the contract that says he can't. "You're going to lose everything!" she yells after him. He says, "I already have."
I don't want to assume anything... but I think he means he's lost her.
David's saying goodbye to everyone... but Sassy Friend steps in to give him a pep talk about Jennifer. Deep down, she's a good person! Plus, it's Christmas! "Jen doesn't believe in Christmas, remember?"
Her home life was not the best.
He's picking up his check. "You were worth every penny." He's glad that he could help her advance corporate greed. Woop, there it is! He turns to leave, she says, "I hope you have a Merry Christmas." Girl, you dumb. He's lost everything, remember!? You're a stupid "sweetheart". "I hope when you get everything you want, it was worth it." "Me too," she replied.
We're at the closing night of the restaurant. Christmas is about family and they've still got each other! They're counting their blessings on all they still have! A beautiful, healthy family! But, David is still upset. He couldn't win the restaurant back! He hates Corporate and he hates that he was part of that machine!
But that's not all. Jennifer. He's upset about Jennifer! And Dad, who is still refusing to say what I want him to say, gives David another pep talk and tells him how great he thought Jennifer was.
Now Scary Boss is calling Jennifer and she's the new VP of Marketing. Next year, she's going to be working with him at Corporate! Him and Boyfriend Neil! But... the South Boston Mall still has to close. So, she's faced with quite the predicament. Corporate or South Boston Mall... WHICH SHE HAS A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH.
Now she's getting her hair done at the mall salon... and the hairdresser is reminding her of sweet childhood South Boston Mall memories, because it's the part of the movie where she has to change her mind and be the nice person she is deep inside. The Gay Friends are there giving her gifts because they love her. Sassy Friend is too, mentioning Cinnabon again! All these people reminding her of who she is on the inside! They're her real friends!
Holiday party time at Corporate! She looks stunning. The perfect kind of stunning to win David back after she makes a huge ordeal about saving the mall and leaves the party to attend the closing night of David's restaurant. But, she runs into the Santa she fired earlier in the movie... and he calls her the Grinch. Because all of his insults are Christmas-related. He might actually be the real Santa, I'm not sure. He looks it. She apologizes. They're friends again!
Boyfriend Neil greets her with a hug and a kiss and a congratulations! He doesn't know why she's so upset when she got EVERYTHING SHE EVER WANTED! Her mall is closing, Boyfriend Neil! You know how important the mall is for her! Boyfriend Neil got a promotion, too. They're both Corporate now! And now she finds out that Boyfriend Neil was behind the whole Archfield Towers deal and she doesn't like what she sees anymore. She leaves him!
And now she's being introduced as the new Vice President in front of everyone by Scary Boss! He invites her to say a few words... and here. they. ARE! Christmas is about more than retail and sales profits! It's about family! It's about her family at the SOUTH BOSTON MALL! So, she's leaving. She's threatening Scary Boss! She's trying to find a cab!
But... SANTA'S HERE! He's going to help her! Even though she fired him! "Why would you help me? I ruined your Christmas!" and he says "Christmas is about family!" THEME OF THE MOVIE.
She's in a cab! She's on her way! She's going to save David's restaurant!
We're at the restaurant now. Sassy Friend is flirting successfully with David's younger latino brother. The Gay Friends pick a song on the jukebox and their fingers touch and now they're in love. THINGS ARE WRAPPING UP!
David gives his father the $10,000 to open a restaurant in a new location! But he turns it down.
AND HERE COMES JENNIFER! But David's not there! He left! David's sister takes her to him! She turned down the promotion! And she threatened Scary Boss! And now David's restaurant is saved because of it! And she did it for him! And now she doesn't want to spend another Christmas at home, alone... she wants to spend it with HIM!
And... they're kissing! And they're in love! And it's snowing!
"Now that I saved the restaurant... does that mean I get to cut in front of the pizza line?!" A CALL BACK TO THE WAY THEY MET.
LOVE IS REAL! CHRISTMAS IS REAL! ABC FAMILY!