that's my bed. and i don't care if you like it or not. CAUSE I LOVE IT.
This week I realized something totally and completely stupid.
I don't keep up with this blog regularly and I don't write what I want to write or say what I want to say because I'm afraid. Totally afraid. And I think that's just about the dumbest thing in the world, Patty! The dumbest!
People in my circle are "shit-givers." You say or do something "wrong" or "stupid" and they're going to give you shit for it. I do it, too! I jump on the shit giving band wagon as well. And sometimes I really have a lot of fun doing it. And I know that it's all in good fun but even so, sometimes it just hurts my feelings. And I know for a fact that it hurts a lot of other people's feelings too. Hm, I wish I could find a better way to say it so it doesn't make me sound like a 10-year-old. Maybe, "it's offputting." Yes, it puts me off. Sure.
I've frequently "heard through the grapevine" that people talk about this blog. Or my Instagram. Or my Facebook posts. Or my Twitter. And even if they're not talking about mine, I hear them talk about other people's (which is something I do, too) and it just has me feeling kind of stupid. I stopped posting frequently on Facebook because of it. And I hesitate every time I click "send" on a tweet. And I certainly have a TON of unpublished drafts in this blog because I just don't have the guts to hit "publish" and hear (through the grapevine, always through the grapevine) jokey (and mean) comments about it. OR! Not hear them! But assume they're going to happen. C'mon! (I'm not playing the victim. Because I know a lot of it is just my own insecurity and fear. And that I'm guilty of these things too.)
But, that's really a stupid way to live, don't you think? It's stupid to not want to express myself. It's stupid to not want to BE MYSELF and share whatever I want to share even if it's dumb.
I want to be able to blog about mundane things like, "How I Properly Learned To Style My Bangs!" or "Reason # 4560 Why I Love Tina Fey" or "Picture of a Coffee Cup Filled With Coffee I Made That's All Goodbye." And so I should. Because I have a microphone and you don't and you're going to listen to every god damn word I have to say!
That's an Adam Sandler quote from "The Wedding Singer" and yes, I also want to be able to do THAT. Quote "The Wedding Singer." Frequently. Because you know why? I love it. And it's my favorite Adam Sandler movie. ARE YOU HAPPY?
So, here's the deal, I'm going to try to just use my social media spaces however I choose and not care if someone doesn't like it. I can't be everyone's type. And frankly, I don't want to be. (I'm not Oprah. I'm not every women.)