Sunday, September 15, 2013

Breaking Monotony

Day in and day out, I feel the same dull pain in my soul.  

I wake up, slowly, and lie there for what feels like forever.  Another day, another boring day.  Every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, etc. is the exact same routine.  I wake up.  I mill around.  I get a coffee.  I keep myself busy somehow (Netflix, writing, blog reading, whatever) and then I go to work at night. 

I'm. So. Bored.  

I don't have the money to get up and do lavish things or take classes or travel at all... and even if I did, I don't know what it would solve.  It would just be temporary events to take me away and hide the basic fact that my life is boring the fuck out of me.  

The truth is that I spend a lot of time alone.  All day long, I'm pretty much by myself with my own thoughts... which, for me, is a very dangerous place to be.  All of my friends are working or busy or doing things that normal human beings do during the day.  I run my errands and get stuff done, but that doesn't take more than a couple of hours a week.  (And let's face it, sometimes even less than that.)  What do I do with the rest of my time?  

I have a fun job that is almost boring-proof - every show is a different show and every class is a different class.  But the schedule itself is monotonous and tiring.  And the basic worries and issues and things to complain about are monotonous and tiring! When other people are going out on dates or having "fun,"  I'm at work.  Sitting in the same seat that I sit in every Tuesday night at 8:30pm.  Giving the same note every Monday at 6:15pm.  Saying the same words in a sketch at 8:20pm on a Thursday that I did the following Thursday and will do the very next night at the same time.  It's fun and exciting, but I'm craving something new and different.  (Not that I want to quit, just something different.)  

I've thought about adopting a dog or taking on a new hobby that would help me meet new people and see different faces every week.  I've thought about applying for a job I never in a million years would have applied for or creating a project for myself.  Or even just getting a gigantic fucking sleeve tattoo or dying my hair lavender.

September, and fall itself, is supposed to be a time for new beginnings.  I'm afraid if I don't do something with myself, I'm going to go crazy.  And I'm going to ruin my relationships with everybody I know because I'll be a full-blown psychopath.  So I'm making a promise to myself to make some sort of drastic change or at least do something for myself to change up my routine just a little bit.  Because, honestly, I can't spend another god damn day alone with my dumb thoughts.  I'm going to go steal a dog now.  Peace out.  (Nobody says that.)

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