Monday, September 30, 2013

My Kind of Halloween Spirit


I'm currently in a production process for a Halloween revue show.  I've done this particular Halloween-themed show for the past three years, but somehow I still have a real hard time getting into a Halloween sketch writing groove. 

Maybe it's because I don't love Halloween?  That's probably it.  

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Halloween.  Have you had a Reese's pumpkin?  They're just like the Reese's eggs!  They're great.  But, I don't typically wear costumes.  And I've never been a huge scary movie fan.  Sure, I like some of them.  Mostly the unrealistic ones though.  The ones that won't have me wide awake with my light on for three nights in a row but just a little bit freaked out but mostly OK because the scenario seemed absolutely ridiculous.  A guy killing people with a chainsaw?  Come on.  Oh that was based on a true story?  Fuck. 

But how does a girl get into a Halloween mood when her favorite Halloween movie is a tie between "Casper" and "Addams Family Values" which is arguably not a Halloween movie at all.  Here's how! 

Step 1: Find a sweater.  A real cozy sweater.  The kind of cozy sweater that says, "Boy, you're kidding if you think I'm getting off this cozy couch and taking off this cozy sweater!" 

Step 2: Light a fall-scented candle.  I couldn't find one at my local mom and pop shop, CVS, so I bought vanilla and decided since vanilla extract is an ingredient used in baking and baking is an activity people like to do in the fall (although I don't because I'm afraid of my oven) (there's a sketch idea) then a vanilla-scented candle made perfect sense! 

Step 3: Do some research.  I chose to watch episodes of "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" and read Edgar Allen Poe poems and short stories... as well as children's scary stories from the book, "Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark." 

Step 4: Laugh at the idea of Salem Witch Mock Trials.  Don't do anything with it.  

Step 5: Write a bunch of beat sheets and one page ideas... and then scrap them because they're dumb and you're worthless and you're wasting your time and nothing will ever work out for you in life and your career is doomed. 

Step 6: Find distractions.  Wonder what your sister is doing and see if she wants to have dinner with you so then you have an excuse to not be at home writing.  Then wonder what your boyfriend is doing and convince him that he probably wants to go out and watch the sports game that he likes to watch.  

Step 7: Find yourself back at home next to a sleeping boyfriend with no more excuses.  Get writing!

Step 8: Just kidding. Give up and fall asleep to "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" and think hard about Melissa Joan Hart's career and respect her for lasting so long and carrying THREE shows on her shoulders, one as a kid, one as a teenager to early adult and one as an adult.  Make a mental note to catch up on "Melissa and Joey."  Don't tell anyone about that part.  You're telling people about that part.  Stop it. 

If you're thinking there was a step missing here, you are right.  Blow out the fall-scented candle!  I didn't and my apartment burnt down and now I'm dead.  There's your Halloween sketch!

Forever yours, 
Ghost Writer.

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