Monday, December 16, 2013

Thanksgiving in December!

Thanksgiving came and went with no post on how grateful I am.  How dare I deprive the internet of a POST ON BEING GRATEFUL.  I am an asshole.  But I am very grateful and I think it's important to reflect on the things you're thankful for, especially when you're a ball of stress and anxiety like me.  It's a nice reminder that everything is not horrible and terrible all the time.  It's not, right?  Please, please let it not be horrible and terrible all the time.  

This also comes at a time where I didn't have heat for two weeks and then got heat again on a very cold day and I thought, "OH MY GOD. I wasn't thankful enough for heat when I had it because THAT WAS THE WORST." 

In addition to heat (which I'm VERY thankful for), I'm thankful for:

My family.  Being Irish Catholic, we're not great at expressing emotions to each other.  And I'm bad at going home on Sundays because my body hurts from working all weekend and it really, truly takes everything to get out of bed at a decent hour.  But, my family is awesome.  And I'd be nowhere without them.  They help me every single time I'm in a bind and support me through EVERYTHING.  They let me dance for 12 years and they didn't blink an eye when I just up and quit, they let me live on campus for my first year of college even though it was expensive and only 15 MINUTES AWAY, they thought it was great that I got into improv and didn't question my decision to quit my full-time job and pursue comedy full-time - and when I told them I was moving to L.A., they were like, "Makes sense." even though they probably aren't very happy about it at all.  And my sister... well, she's the best.  I'd be lost without her.  And I'm thankful that I have a support system like that who love me unconditionally and believe in me and want nothing but the best possible lives for my sister and I.  It's important to remember that. 

My friends. Obviously. Sometimes I look at my life and feel lucky.  Improv is like a cult, so you make a lot of ridiculous friendships that are insanely fun, bit-heavy and oftentimes terrible and weird and awkward and angry.  I love having certain people to call on for certain things.  Just bored and want to chill? Rob.  Want to get dinner and shop afterwards? Jess. Want someone to talk to me straight and simultaneously compliment me and call me an idiot? Stephen. Want to share a cute picture of an animal or cartoon? Casey. Want to drink my face off and eat late-night pizza and scream in the streets? My cast mates. 

Beau. We've almost been together for almost a year now (January 1st) and it's been a crazy year. We can't get enough of each other, we get under each others skin, we have so much fun together and I have never loved anybody or felt comfortable with anybody more than him.  We're an unlikely pair, but we work.  I'm lucky... that I got drunk on New Year's Eve and creeped on him. Or vice versa. We don't know. 

Improv.  I found my calling. I found what I want to do for the rest of my life (even if it's not exactly improv).  It has opened so many doors and helped me master so many skills.  Since I started doing it in 2005, I have performed with so many people, been on so many casts, met the best friends of my life, made so many drunken mistakes, wrote songs, sketches, choreographed dance numbers, directed improv, directed a sketch and improv revue... I have worn many hats!  And it's all because of improv.  It's also made me a better, more confident person.  So there's that.  I'm HAPPY IT EXISTS.  

I'm thankful for being self-aware.  Almost too self-aware... that it makes me more paranoid, anxious and self-deprecating than I should be... but I'm glad that I at least know my place and don't make a total ass of myself all the time.  Just some of the time. 

And, less serious things, I'm thankful for living in the North End.  Especially at Christmas time.  I'm thankful that I know so many people in the neighborhood and my dry cleaning lady knows me and the UPS guy yells my name from his truck and the guy at CVS saves me Reese's eggs when he knows they're running low.  I'm thankful for Edith, who makes me smile so often!  I'm thankful for the Muppets, because they are amazing.  I'm thankful for soul music for SPEAKING TO MY SOUL. I'm thankful I grew up in Boston, giving me edgy, aggressive personality traits that I will carry with me wherever I go... and probably piss people off with, too.

At the end of the day, I'm lucky as fuck.  And tomorrow I'll wake up and stress like crazy and have 1-3 panic attacks in the shower alone, but it's nice to take a step back, light a candle, watch Home Alone and remember all the things that make your life wonderful. And logistics are just logistics and everything will figure itself out in the end... but thank you, all the aforementioned things, for being so great and making my life so whole. 

Damn it feels good to be a thank-ster. Ugh, I'm so sorry.  

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