Thursday, January 16, 2014

You're Not Crazy, Stop Saying You're Crazy!

I have a lot of issues.  I'm clinically depressed, I have ADHD, I'm an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (it's a thing), I have ridiculous anxiety, I'm paranoid all the time... basically, everything is the worst.  More often than not, I write these problems off and just consider myself, "crazy".  I'm not crazy.  I just have problems.  We all have problems.  And that sure as hell doesn't mean we're ALL crazy.  

I think it's time we give ourselves a little bit of credit.  Because honestly, sometimes the mere act of getting up every day is tough.  When my anxiety is really bad, I won't go to sleep until 5am (usually with the help of a sleeping pill) and then I'll end up sleeping until noon.  Then!  I get depressed for sleeping until noon while simultaneously wishing I could fall back asleep and not have to deal with the day.  Then!  I get up and do morning things and fall right back into bed and get on the computer where I dread checking my email (because if something of importance is in there, I don't want to deal with it) and waste a bunch of time browsing the internet.  Then I have coffee, or talk myself into getting up and making my bed and going for a walk - and I feel a whole lot better.  But, I live a whole lot of days filled with anxiety and guilt.   And honestly... that shit is hard.  

Sometimes, while getting into a fight with my boyfriend or family member or whoever; I feel, say and do irrational things.  A lot of my thoughts are coherent and make a lot of sense, but they don't come out that way because I'm stubborn, emotional and hysterical.  And then when I finally start to calm down, I immediately apologize and say, "I'm crazy."  No!  I'm not crazy!  I'm allowed to have feelings, I'm allowed to feel disrespected, I'm allowed to feel whatever I want.  Should I react hysterically and yell and throw a fit and be sarcastic/snarky instead of saying what I really want to say?  No.  But I shouldn't discredit the way that I feel and write it off as being psychotic.  I'm just a human being who could probably maybe work on her reactions a little bit.  

All in all, I'd really like to remove the word "crazy" from my vocabulary, unless of course I'm singing the Britney Spears hit from 1999.   We are not crazy.  We have problems that need to be addressed and we have to admit that they're really hard to live with and it takes A LOT of work to live a healthy, happy life.  

Give yourself a pat(ty) on the back, every now and then, would ya?  You crazy son of a bitch!  Ah, damnit.  I really need to work on that.

3 comments:

Kelsey Sunstrum said...

Reading this post was like reading my own thoughts. First of all, depression, anxiety, etc. are hard. Excruciatingly hard some days.

I don't like when I use the word 'crazy' to describe myself. Usually, I'm exasperated when I say it, but you're right. We are not crazy. If anything, continuing to say I'm 'crazy' just reinforces the depression in my head.

Happy to have stumbled on your blog!

Patty Barrett said...

Thank you so much! I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way!

Madeline Maienza said...

This is probably my favorite thing of all the things I have seen on this blog. All I could think while reading it is that I felt like I was reading my own thoughts (as someone else already said). But yeah. You're awesome. And I hope LA can keep up with how awesome you are.

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