I don't remember when I decided I wanted to be a writer, but for as long as I can remember, it has been my ultimate goal. Even as a kid, I would write stories all the time and my imagination was crazy and huge. I would always read books and get jealous that it wasn't me who wrote them (actually, that still happens all the time.)
I started performing as a creative outlet and a way to come out of my shell and it just stuck. I love improvising and I love performing a whole lot. I don't like stand-up or performing alone, but acting and improvising I can totally get behind. But I don't love it nearly as much as writing. That's just the truth. And the truth is, I never feel as confident performing as I do writing. When I'm writing, I know how to execute exactly what it is that I'm trying to execute. I feel confident with jokes and plot and all of that - and I love being able to put it down for a little bit and coming back to it and finding NEW jokes and NEW stories. You can't do that with improv, which is the beauty of it.
But I love writing. It satisfies and fulfills me. And I figured out that when I really put time and effort into it, I do it pretty well. (Also, I'm not exactly talking about this blog, although I do put time and effort into it as well.) I feel REAL good when I finish writing something. When I get in a "writing zone", it's like being on crack. (Not that I have any idea what crack feels like.) (I MEAN IT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT CRACK FEELS LIKE.) When I'd get a sketch into a show, I would get really happy because that was a bigger victory to me than just being in the show. Writing was what I cared the most about and what I spent hours working on outside of being down in that theater. And when I submit something to a website (be it Thought Catalog or HelloGiggles or whatever) and I get that email back that says they'd like to submit it - I am completely overjoyed, even if it's not that big of a deal.
I'm glad I moved to L.A. because being here forces me to do shit. I made a decision and moved somewhere to chase a dream and now I'm forced to do it. And I've got to do it well. Or, at the very least, I have to learn how to do it well and get better at it and spend all the time that I have available honing that craft and making it happen. When you're good at something, or at least when you feel confident in your abilities, you've got to do it.
I know that I won't be happy if I settle and get comfortable doing a job that I don't love. I don't want to settle. Settling is terrifying. I got to spend a year and a half doing what I loved for a living. It was a total dream and I would have done it forever if there wasn't something MORE that I wanted. All I know is that right now, I'm doing what I have to do to make a living and get settled here in California, but I will spend every other available minute doing what I want to do and making sure that I do it well so I can get exactly where I need/want/have to be.
Let's get 'er done.