Wednesday, May 14, 2014
This past weekend, as I mentioned, I went back to Boston to visit my family, friends, city, past life, etc. And it was awesome. I mean it, I was grinning SO much and I really just loved being in the city! Boston is beautiful in the spring and I just loved being in an environment filled with a ton of great memories. (If you're in Boston, just go to the Rose Kennedy Greenway and have a sit for me. For like hours. And drink raspberry Arizona Iced Tea with limoncello in it.)
But then I realized something very funny. YOU CAN'T GO BACK. YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK.
Did I have an awesome time getting drunk with my friends and doing bits and laughing and visiting the old places? OF COURSE. And I'd probably do it again next weekend... or, maybe in a month from now. But, everything is just different. I'm in a different place in my life even though I only left three months ago. I'm in the "Post IA Stage" and everyone is still in "IA Stage" and that's awesome - I miss that stage, even though I complained about it while I was in it! We've all continued living our lives... separately!
I had a different perspective and point of view and after a while, participating in the same old conversation got a little bit old and I felt like I had nothing to add anymore except, "Move on? I don't know."
I use the phrase "in a perfect world" a lot and now I'm thinking about just what that might be. Would it be living in California/pursuing "the dream" while also being able to go home all the time and visit Boston and all of my friends while also being able to eat fried burritos from the Mexican restaurant next door to me without it RUINING me? Last weekend didn't feel perfect. It felt fun, awesome and then it faded and things got weird and awkward and I cabbed back to my hometown on Saturday night feeling defeated and uncomfortable. Some friends didn't say goodbye, some chose to go elsewhere instead of hang out, some were just living their lives like normal and I was just there. Nobody's fault. It was just that the expectations I had for going home were a little high, they weren't necessarily met and that was fine. But it did make me a little bit sad when I realized the harsh reality that you can't always go home. Well, you can. But it's not going to be the home you remember, per se.
Right now, my perfect world consists of making all the money in the world doing something you love while simultaneously not having to leave the house or wake up before 8am. Also, it consists of re-fillable mugs of whatever beverage you want to drink at that particular time and maybe, just maybe, all of the people I love living in one apartment building with me like some crazy reality show. Oh, and those fried burritos.
But, hey, at least I'm not setting my expectations too high. Right?! RIGHT?!