Tuesday, June 24, 2014

If I Could Turn Back Time


One of my favorite songs of all time is “Non, je ne regrette rien” by Edith Piaf.   In fact, I love it so much that it’s tattooed on my left forearm.     I like to say, and actually believe, that I live my life with no regrets.  But… if given the chance, would I change anything?

Sure, there are things I would have said differently… or probably not at all.  There are outfits I wouldn’t have worn and better decisions I would have made, and bangs that I probably could have done without.  It all comes down to bangs.  But ultimately, aren’t those the moments that help shape us to become better people and eventually make better decisions?  For instance, I never got those bangs again... and I never will.  

Early 2010 was a pretty rough time in my life and I would lie around thinking, “How did I get in this position? Why wasn’t I smarter?” and while I wish I didn’t have to go through what I did – it still helped shape the person I eventually became.  You know, the stand up, wonderful, good decision making person that I am.  (Lies.)

But, I’m a firm believer in the fact that our trials and tribulations are good for us, despite how hard they may be to handle at the time.   You know, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger and all that jazz.

BUT.  What would I change if I could?

The biggest thought I always come back to is college.  I wish I went to college somewhere else.  I was looking at schools in Chicago, I was looking at Emerson – but I was too afraid to audition.  So I chose the safe choice.  The choice that was close to home and the choice that would allow me to live from home a majority of the time that I was there.   And it ended up working out great – I joined Seriously Bent and started working at IA and taking classes and it had a great effect on my life overall.  But, what if I followed my dream?  What if I auditioned at Emerson and studied performing arts?  What if I went to Chicago – would I have taken classes at Second City and loved it and auditioned for the mainstage there?  How totally different would my life be right now? 

But… well, we can’t change the past.  And I’m happy with the dumb, little school I attended.  I’m happy that I studied Art History and did improv with a great group of people and worked at a great first job for four years.  I’m happy with the way my life has gone, so why waste the time wondering what if

I guess it's just fun to imagine sometimes.  And it’s cool to realize that our lives are actual Choose Your Own Adventure novels and we’re in control – even when we feel as though we’re not.  Like when I got those bangs, that was a damn unfortunate page in the Choose Your Own Adventure novel that is MY LIFE.  

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