When I wake up in the morning, I don’t want to wake up. I even wake up before my alarm goes off – without fail, every morning – because I’m actually 100% afraid of my alarm. It’s a perfectly fine alarm. In fact, it’s a really great Michael Jackson song! But, I have legit anxiety when an alarm goes off, so my body refuses to stay asleep long enough to hear it.
So there I am, wide awake and ready to start my day… after looking through my Timehop to see what I did on social media three to five years ago. OK, so after that, I’m up and ready to start my day. And you know what? As much as I’m typically dragging my ass, I still really look forward to getting ready.
I love showering! It’s so quiet and peaceful in there. It’s the ONE place where I can actually relax and be productive at the same time… for all of three minutes of my day. Ah, what a wonderful three minutes. I don’t even mind shaving! Some girls really don’t like shaving – but I really do like it! Maybe people don’t realize they can sing into their razor while they shave… ladies, you can sing into your razor while you shave!
I love getting out of the shower, throwing on my Turbie Twist (which I got for 2 for $10 at CVS) and running some Moroccan Oil through my hair before blow drying it smooth-kinda. And on off days, where I don’t need to wash my hair (more than half of the week), I am perfectly happy busting out my curling iron and sectioning off my hair and enduring the meticulous journey that is hair curling.
When I’m done with that, I enjoy clamping down my eyelashes for ten seconds each with a weird tool that bends them at a small angle. I love pretending to know how to draw a cat eye with expensive eyeliner and applying mascara repeatedly to the point of Tammy Faye Bakker spider lashes. I perfectly blend face moisturizer with my highlighter/concealer combo and apply it all over my face for a nice, even layer of cake that covers my questionable adult acne. And the best part comes at the end, when I get to look in the mirror, make a pouty, Kardashian face, and brush bronzer upwards on my cheeks. Sometimes, I play with eye make-up… and sometimes I play with blush or lipsticks. The fact of the matter is, I love it.
I love being a girl. When people talk about how expensive it is to “maintain” femininity – I say “YEAH, SO?” loudly to no one. I truly enjoy the money and time I put into myself. Putting on make-up and a dress is the equivalent of making your bed in a messy room. It helps you look kinda put together, despite the total mess on the inside!
I enjoy treating myself to spa treatments and manicures and pedicures and making homemade facial scrubs out of sugar and honey. I like spending twenty minutes swishing coconut oil around in my mouth until forgetting to do it again for weeks. All of that stuff is FUN to me. It's like a hobby that also benefits everyone else that has to look at you in a day.
I guess what it comes down to is this: I’m a tough motherfucker … who appreciates a great liquid eyeliner and quality lip gloss. (Benefit and Buxom respectively.) Being girly doesn't make you less of a person, or less of a feminist, or less of a whatever. I'll still smack you across the face with my gel manicured nails, that's for sure! (I don't know, I've never smacked anyone across the face, who am I kidding.) (Oh, wait, I did smack my boyfriend once while drunk in a bar.) (Girl Power?) (It was a really long time ago.) (We're fine now.) (I'm so sorry.)