Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Two Words: Forgive Yourself.
Dear everyone reading this,
You take the good, you take the bad... you take them both... and there you have: the facts of life. The facts of life. And here are the facts of life:
We're going to get drunk and do stupid things. We're going to say inappropriate, unkind, untrue, awful things to people we love (or hate.) At some points in our lives, we're going to make FOOLS of ourselves. People are going to judge us, people are going to look down on us, some people won't care (but we won't even think about them) and the worst part is: we're going to judge other people for making fools of themselves.
That's just a fucking fact of life.
We can't be perfect all the time. I, for one, don't understand why I can't wrap my brain around that. Why do I have to be "cool" and "laid-back" and "able to handle everything always" ALWAYS? It's abusive to expect that much from ourselves and it's even more abusive when we beat ourselves up about it. I have spent the last few days repeatedly reliving and reprimanding myself for stupid things that I did this past weekend. But there's really no point. Sure, some people probably made fun of me and are probably making fun of me now. They have good reason. I was ridiculous. But, that's a part of who I am. I'm emotional and overwhelmed and sensitive.
That is a fact of ME.
Instead of trying to hide that fact, or pretend to be someone I'm not, I should celebrate it. Or, at the very least, forgive myself for who I am and the things that I do. Sure, I'll work on controlling myself in the future. I'll work on being a better/nicer person, on drinking less OR just god damn pacing myself. Because there's no reason for drinking an entire bottle or two of champagne and so much beer. NO reason whatsoever. There has to be a better way to handle nerves, right? Yeaaah.
So, I'm going to start trying to forgive myself. I spent the last few days feeling so hopeless and stupid and it just fucking sucked. It's pointless. It's draining. It's emotionally exhausting.
I'm going to forgive myself for making one mistake... or two... or a thousand. It doesn't matter. To err is human! I'm going to forgive myself for being sensitive sometimes and for just all around not being perfect. Even if there are always things to improve upon, and there are, we have to fucking forgive ourselves for the times we mess up. The happiest people are allowed to get sad, the nicest people are allowed to get mean and the coolest people are allowed to be fucking crazy douche bags every now and then, right?
We should also start forgiving other people for their mishaps, too. The world isn't a perfect place, that's for sure, but it's so much better to at least TRY to be positive more often that not. So much better. It's GOTTA be!
I'm back in California now. I don't always love it here, but right now I'm feeling pretty good about it. It's not humid as shit. It's sunny and bright and it's where my cat lives. It's where my boyfriend lives. It's where I have a great little group of friends. It's where I have an apartment, a car, a gifted cactus on my desk and pictures of Michael Jackson covering the walls of my home. So, you're OK, California. I'll forgive you for being TERRIBLE A LOT OF THE TIME.