Ultimately, I moved to California to be a writer. It sounds silly, because I can write anywhere! But I moved to be around people that I wanted to write for and to hopefully find companies that would hire me to write stories and create characters while also providing me with benefits and a steady paycheck so I didn't have to do any of that work by myself.
I love writing. I love story telling. I love brain dumping my thoughts, shutting the computer, coming back to it and editing it down. I love naming characters. I love writing dialogue. I love everything about being a writer - even the parts that keep me up at night, or make me anxious, or make me lonely and isolated.
And that's what I want to talk about now, after spending two full days completely by myself doing nothing but writing (and taking breaks every now and then to read Amy Poehler's book which is awesome and I highly recommend it).
Writing is a really great feeling. When I am writing, I feel strong, powerful and at my utmost creative. I feel completely in control and on top of my game - even when writing stupid things like mean Instagram comments to my friend Anne or highly edited 140 character tweets.
Writing turns into a not so great feeling when you have spent hours upon hours of time alone and inside of your head. Sometimes, I'm telling stories about my own life or infusing my own experiences into characters that I'm writing about... and while it's incredibly cathartic and I enjoy it, it can be a little bit draining after a while. I remain quiet all day long and I long for people to riff off of and talk to about stupid things. Any thing! I want to hear about your day! TELL ME EVERYTHING BECAUSE I NEED TO THINK AND TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.
You know that scene / part of Harry Potter when Ron is wearing the horcrux locket around his neck and he starts getting angry, annoyed, jealous and snippy? That is how I feel after writing all by my lonesome for an extended period of time. I long for company and conversation and when I don't get what I want, or the person I finally talk to doesn't seem to care or want to talk nearly as much as I do - I turn into a Horcrux Wearing Weasley. I get frustrated and annoyed and angry and sad that my two best friends are sneaking around behind my back when I'm the one with the crush on the girl! No, that's not true at all. I get a little too caught up in Harry Potter.
I think about this feeling whenever I think of writing full-time. I want to write books, contribute to magazines and produce whatever kind of content that I want. That means a lot of alone time at a desk, in my head and not interacting with people.. I know that it has the ability of turning me into a real monster, and that it certainly makes me lonely - but that's okay. I'm fine with that. There are ways I can try to combat that. I see people who rent desks at communal work spaces and I definitely see people writing all day, every day in Starbucks because they just want to be around people and feel like they are leaving the house and going to work. That part can get figured out, but I know that doing something I love and that makes me feel STRONG and POWERFUL far outweighs all that terrifying horcrux bullshit.
Have you read Harry Potter yet? I mean, come on, you've got to read Harry Potter.