For the past three or so weeks, I've been trying to be healthy. I've been very conscious of what I'm eating and working out nearly every day. And oh my God, it's so fucking hard. Yes, I used "God" and "fucking" in the same sentence and YES I FEEL GUILTY. Catholicism always wins.
I thought it would be easy because I have a pretty consistent schedule. I'm at work for the same amount of hours pretty much every day and that should make it easy to maintain an easy schedule of healthy eating. I also really love cooking and do it every night, so it's much easier to plan healthy meals when you're the one making them. I was really naive.
At work, there are TREATS. Birthday treats. Amazing cakes made by your friend Doug who combines red wine and dark chocolate into a cake. Awesome freshly baked rosemary bread. Jalapeño marinated steaks delivered to us for lunch. There are food trucks selling pesto fries next to the juice truck selling beet juice for $10 where I'm basically the only person standing in line.
At home, there's a boyfriend who loves chips and goldfish and half pound burgers made with 80/20 meat while I snack on granny smith apples, natural peanut butter and frozen Trader Joe's turkey burgers on whole wheat english muffins.
And then, there's finding the time to work out when your schedule is so awful and the last thing I want to do in the morning and after a long day of work is pilates, or any other kind of working out, but I do it... because I have to... and it makes me feel happier and shit.
Then there's drinking. Which I gave up... for the most part. I say as I'm drinking a mimosa (made of diet orange juice and a splash of champagne.)
There are times when I'm out with friends and just decide to give in to the crowd and enjoy a beer and maybe a mozzarella stick or a basket of fries. And then I go home and I feel like absolute dog shit for being a loser who can't stick to a consistent schedule of being a healthy human being.
But that's not exactly true. I really have to - and we as a SOCIETY have to - stop beating ourselves up for being humans and making mistakes or giving into temptations every now and then. If we go through our lives avoiding all things that are horrible for us, we're not going to be happy. 90% of the week, I'm being healthy and good and if the other 10% I'm having fun with my friends and getting a little tipsy while eating a couple bites of horrible fried food, then that's okay.
I mean, that's where the phrase "A for Effort" comes from, right? Effort is good! It's OK to let your guard down every now and then and shovel baskets upon baskets of fries into your mouth! No, that's not true... but a few really tall Coors Lites from T.G.I.Friday's isn't the worst thing in the world.
Balance. I'm going to start working on balance. And giving myself less shit for being a human being. And eating more mozz sticks on my yoga mat.