Monday, April 13, 2020

Tried and True Tips for Sheltering-in-Place

Since the beginning of this shelter-in-place ordinance, there have been so many people sharing their tips for staying sane during this time of isolation. There are the exercise fiends, the Zoom Happy Hour attendees, the bakers, the makers, the cookers, the cleaners, the hoarders, the conspiracy theorists… and the list goes on. 

Today I’d like to add to this list and hopefully provide you with a fresh point of view on surviving quarantine life… particularly if you live alone, or just want some alone time, because I am both. I can never get enough alone time away from myself. 

I have personally tested each of these activities and strongly recommend them all. Times are tough, so go ahead and turn lemons into lemonade (then add vodka, triple sec and a slice of cucumber for a delicious cocktail called The Dorchester.

Bake banana bread. Decide it’s only okay, but still eat the whole thing in two days. 

Clean your pantry. I had two jars of cumin and I use cumin once a year when I make chili. Then I remember after one serving that I don’t really like chili that much and then let it sit in the tupperware in my fridge until mold appears at the top so I just end up throwing out the whole container.

Train your dog. I taught Billie how to give me a paw in just three days! I think I’ll teach her how to give me a pedicure next.

Fitness challenges. For every class you take, you earn one pot roast. 

Wash everything you own, over and over again. The coronavirus aka Voldemort in an Invisibility Cloak means you’re washing everything you touch right after you touch it. Clothes, sheets, towels, throw blankets, the pets… never turn that machine off! 

Reconnect with an old enemy. Do a nice deep Google search to see where they are today! Do they look happily married? Did they ever get arrested? What’s the state of their teeth? 

Test your alcohol tolerance. How many margaritas does it take to black out on a Sunday? (For me, it was seven margaritas consumed between 1pm and 7pm.) 

Go on a movie journey. If there’s a movie series that you’ve never watched but you’ve considered it, now’s the time. It could be Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars, or Back to the Future. It’s none of those for me. But I do recommend the following: 
  • Best Movies Ever Made: Now and Then, Sister Act 2, A Very Brady Sequel, The 12 Dates of Christmas, To Wong Foo, Thanks for everything! Julie Newmar, Clue, Clueless and Labyrinth. 

Read books you’ve been putting off. I have been baptized, received communion and been confirmed as a member of the Catholic church, but still haven’t read the Bible. No time like the present! (Just kidding, I'm reading a bunch of YA novels.) But! My church did give me a personal Bible in 2002 that has helpful anecdotes addressing modern life like what to do if your friend is gay, or worse, Episcopalian. 

Choose a topic you feel passionate about. Then find the Reddit subthread discussing it and hate the topic and yourself and the internet and people. (Do NOT research the Food Network show, The Kitchen, if you want Reddit to ruin something you love!!!!!!) 

Conquer the nap. Then take as many as possible to get through this nightmare. 

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